Dear Owen

One

Owen.

"Owen, this is Guy." Guy, smiles at me and stretches out his hand. I take it, and shake it, before I pull back my hand to slide it in my pocket. I smile back, before I move my attention to the man who is standing next to him, his father. Like wise, dad introduces him as Gale. I shake his hand also. These are our new neighbors.

Guy and Gale moved in a few weeks ago, unfortunately I never met them. My dad did meet them though, when they got in town. I do not know what went on, but all I know now is that they have become friends- close ones.

"Nice to finally meet you." Gale says. I nod with a smile before I place all of my attention back to his son Guy. He is closely watching me too, with his cheeks slightly pink.

"Okay! So breakfast is ready."

My dad invited Gale and Guy for breakfast, it seems like it's something they had been doing for a really long time because Gale heads first to kitchen. My dad follows closely behind, leaving Guy and I standing on the porch.

"Um- head-" he starts to say something and all I could do is to chip in.

"Yeah, um-" I step inside the house and walk to the kitchen were Gale and my dad are already talking about something only God knows. Guy walks straight to the stove where my dad is making some eggs and he peeks in the pan. I watch the three of them work in the kitchen and I could tell they have been doing this if not every morning at least thrice a week.

'"Okay- dish the plates. Today we are four." dad smiles and looks at me. I smile back with a small wave. Guy does as told, he starts to dish everything with no hesitation. His dad on the other hand is seated on the counter scrolling through his phone. He seems to feel my gaze for he glances at me and motions at the table. "Not taking a seat?"

"Yeah- um." I walk in and rub my hands on my pants. It's not that I am shy or anything close to that. I have been away for so long that I have lost my basic social skills. Honestly, it is awkward to be here.

I pull a chair out and awkwardly sit. Gale smiles once more and seems to have wanted to say nothing but he simply swallows the thought away. The smell of food hit me hard I almost gag. Instead, I just smile at nothing particular.

"Done!" Guy pulls the chair opposite me and he drops himself with a huff. His face goes blank for a moment before he pulls a phone from a pocket. His face breaks into a huge smile as he pokes on his phone multiple time. "Natasha texted me." He says putting his phone face down on the table.

"The 'not my type Natasha' or?" my dad smirks joining us on the table.

"Well, let's just say I couldn't see well, I mean I didn't have my lenses on."

"Or you have lowered your standards?" Gale chips in being the last to sit by the table. He grabs the juice and places on the center of the table. Immediately the three men all start grabbing this and that.

"Ouch" my dad fake grimaces.

"Shut up dad! Yes, Natasha Natasha. We have been hanging out, I took her out last night. I'm going over to her place tonight."

"Use protection." Gale casually says taking a huge bite off his bread.

"We're not going to have sex dad!"

"Just saying."

A plate filled with eggs, bacon and some fruits is put in front of me, that's when I realize through their 'Natasha' conversation, Guy was making me a plate. I smile at him and bring my trembling hands to the table. I grab a glass of water first and mid air, my dad reaches out for it and takes it.

"Eat first." I roll my eyes.

I manage to eat half of my plate as the three men talk about how much the infrastructure in this town is deteriorating. I choose not to join in. I'm too tired to speak anyways. I don't wait for any of them to finish before I excuse myself.

When I got back from yesterday, everything of mine was moved to what used to be the dining room. We never really used it. So my dad changed it into my new room. In this state, climbing the stairs on a daily base would exhaust me. I am still working on my core and strength. It doesn't take several steps for me to get there. I fall on the bed and curl into a tiny ball. I can still smell the eggs and mango juice and it's making me so dizzy.

I lay there for a while, with my eyes closed, and when I feel better I get better I grab my phone to watch some tik tok videos.

"Knock knock can I get in?" I roll my eyes.

"There literally is no door there dad." He chuckles walking in. He comes to sit next to me on the bed. I didn't look away from my phone.

"They are nice right? The Collins?"

"I guess so."

"C'mon, talk to your old man. You know I'd missed having you here?"

"I don't think so. It seems like you made a husband and child when I was away." I say. And although it sounds like a joke- which it is, it is true. The Collins and my dad's relationship seems more intimate than platonic. The way they all moved in the kitchen and talked to each other really seemed as if they have a deeper connection, and that, that made me a bit jealous.

"Yeah, and they literally ain't a lot of work you know?" I finally look at him and smile. I scoot to where he is seated and rest my head on his lap. He begins to run his fingers through my head.

"And- they also like you. You should interact more with them."

"I wanted to, I'm just not feeling it."

"I know baby."

And we stay like that for a long time until I fall asleep.

***

The thing that has always bothered me, is how our bodies can betray us. How much regardless of them belonging to us, can decide to just give up on us and do them, do what they want, what will destroy us. They can just decide to fully nature a poison from within, and never inform you until it is too late- or in my case pretty too far.

I raise my hand to touch the warm golden dusty sun beams. I inspect my nails, all discolored and flaked. Pressing hard on them even hurts. Regardless of how damaged they are, I sort of fell in love with my right pinky. It is discolored in the middle, and somehow the discoloration forms a heart shape. right below the heart shape, the nail turns white, contemplating the whole hand, which is pale and boney. I close my eyes and try to imagine about two years ago when my flacked off, dry, discolored, stratified layered fingernails used to be healthy. I shrug off the sight as soon as it gets in my head. With a sigh, I sit up and look outside, It's starting to turn dark, I've slept throughout the day. I get off the bed and walk to the kitchen where there is clattering. A woman, who I don't know, but know to be the help is doing the dishes. I walk past her and make my way outside, where I lay under the warm sun and allow myself to float into nothingness.

I did it!

And I am so proud myself!

But what now? What should I do no?

A/N

Hey guys! So this is the first chapter, I hope you love it!
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