A Dream by Noon.

Chapter 6.

Chapter 6 – The Fall Party

11:40.

I stare at my clock from my bed.

11:41.

11:42, 43, 44.

I stare at it, unmoving, until it's 11:59 and I know I need to get up.

I feel sick.

12:01.

My body feels like it is recovering from something and my brain races again with every worry about the day, about yesterday, about the next year, about life...

My head is spinning already and I shove it back into my pillow to make it stop. I talk to myself, over and over, telling myself that I'm lucky. That my problems are nonsense. People are starving, and dying in wars, and homeless, and I'm comfy in my bed, in my nice little town and I can't even handle this. It doesn't help. I just dig my head deeper and deeper into my pillow. As uninvited guests do, more worries joined in.

The vision I knew my parents had of me. A good kid. Has her act together. Good grades, good friends, so independent.... Could maybe help out a little more around the house but... a good kid. It didn't match how I felt. I felt like I was holding everything together by a tiny thread that was ready to burst, and the horror that soon all my insides would be exposed for them to see, and then... what then? That would be the end I guess. I didn't want to be independent all the time. I wanted their help but couldn't ask. I thought about telling my mom. Planned ways of saying that maybe I needed to talk to someone. Maybe medication. There was never a right time. They were always on their way in, or out. It was just never the right time.

The side of my head is warm and I can feel the sun shining in on me. I turn toward it.

My window is half open, and outside of it I hear voices and movement. I lean over and move the curtain to see Jason and Chris carrying benches out to the woods ahead of my dad. A couple of my dad's friends joined. My windows open, I could feel the warm summer air still holding out for a few more days. A breeze brushed branches against my second story window in a soft rustle. It swept me up and I let it, just for a moment. My door creaking startled me, as I turned my head to see my mom peeking in through the door. The expression on her face told me she was not happy that I was still lying here in bed.

"Think you might be getting up at some point?" she asked.

"Yup. Sorry, I didn't realize I overslept. I don't feel great," I told her.

"Yeah? What's wrong?" she asked, skeptically.

"I don't know. I just don't feel great. My head hurts." I told her, half truthfully.

"Okay. Well... Do you need anything?" she asked, out of obligation.

"No. I'm good. I'll be up soon." I told her.

She walked further into my room and stood next to me, then knelt next to the bed, and I wanted to crawl under the covers. She laid her hand on my forehead and looked at me again.

"You don't feel warm," she said.

"Yeah, I just have a headache."

"Maybe you were just out too late." She said, staring at me as if to ask if I did anything to cause this headache.

"We weren't that late last night. Sorry. I'll be up soon."

"Okay then. Well, let me know if you need anything. I have to run out and get some food and drinks for tonight. Anything you need?" she asked.

"No. I don't think so."

"Drink some water. There's Advil in the bathroom closet if you need it. I'll be back in a little bit."