author's note :')

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hi my loves,

this 

is

absolutely

insane. 

i literally cannot believe that we're at the end, this is so insane i don't even know what to say. 

some chapters of this book are over 3000 words while the shortest are at the least 1200 words. i figured the average would be something like 1500 words per chapter and if you do the math, 1500 words x 66 chapters is 99 000 words. do you guys even see how insane this? i wrote a 99k word novel and you guys read a 99k word novel. my brain is literally racing.

july/2021 edit: i actually copied and pasted this entire book into a doc while editing and the word count is over 124k. so to those of you who don't read books-- you just read something longer than what's considered a novel :)

ever since i was like i dont know ten? eleven? i've dreamed about writing a book. i fell in absolute l o v e with reading when i was in the fifth grade and i used to LIE to my mother to read because i would always get so sucked into books and i'd never do anything else. she would take my library card away as punishment; that's the kind of kid i was. and the way books made my heart race and how excited i would be to get home and read the next chapter and how i could just get absolutely lost in a story-- i wanted to do that for someone else.

and i tried to a gazillion times. there are so many dumb stories ive started and never finished and that's been happening for years. i have so many notebooks with stories in the them, so many drafted documents and i could never do it. i'd just get bored of whatever the hell it was i was writing and give up until a few weeks later i would suddenly have a brand new idea that i thought would be the next best seller.

and after years of that, here we are. a book written. yeahyeahyeah it's fanfiction but who gives a fuck. how many sixteen-year-olds can say that they've written a novel, no matter what it's about. i'm just so proud of myself, and i never really get proud of myself and this feeling is so new to me and im just all over the place right now.

the fact that this started off as a prompt that was supposed to be a small drabble, and then turned into a five part series that i wrote in two days (that was 10k fricking words in two days because i loved writing it so fricking much) and finally became a whole fricking novel that i couldn't seem to stop thinking about. 

back in may when i wrote the series in my sad imagine book, i was so proud of it it was all i could think about. and i kept thinking about it; it was all. i. could. think. about. and i never wanted to stop writing it so i would make up scenes for gray and y/n in my head and not know where to put them.

and then the thought of writing this whole extended version came to me. and it was scary as fuck. to think about writing a whole novel because unlike all those times before, there would be people counting on me. i couldn't just start this and then never finish it-- i never wanted to be that author. and i refuse to be that author, who makes promises to their readers and then just ghosts them. ever. 

and so after so many weeks of thinking it over, i finally decided to make this book. i waited a while to post it, i wanted to test writing it out first, make sure i was going to be able to finish it. and i finally decided that, yes, i could do it. and i also told myself that if i was unable to finish it, you guys would understand. you're all so supportive and i knew it would be okay. but more than anything, i wanted to prove myself to baby vi who wanted to write a book so bad at the age of ten.

and here we fucking are. all done. i wrote my first novel. writing is everything to me and to think i've done it, i've done what i've always wanted is just mind blowing. i'm rambling a little so if you're still reading this hi i love you but yes, i just i dont know im so shocked and proud and happy and sad that it's over and it's just wow.

and i know that while it was also the scariest part, it was the best as well, having you all here to read every chapter as i wrote it. because while i was always worried i would lose motivation to write the next, you guys were always here hyping me up and freaking out over and melting at every chapter. and that's what kept me going. that made me want to write because how could i just leave all of you hanging? that seems so selfish to me and to think i never did, i never left you hanging (unless it was on purpose because i love messing with you all) because we're at the end now, and i've done it.

so thank you all so much, if it weren't for you, this book would've never ended. it would've been just like all of my other 'books' that i tried to write. but instead, it's complete, and hundreds of people can enjoy it on this website i definitely call home. i also want to thank my best friend here even though he won't see this: you absolute piece of crap i love you and thank you for always telling me i could do it even if i was a little bword and never believed you and thank you for telling me to keep going and giving me the ideas that i needed to get out of writer's block and god i love you thank you i know you hate it when i thank you that but if you ever do see this which you wont because you arent allowed to read my books i love you and you deserve to be credited for what you've helped me with. 

so thank you. while i may have been the one sitting on the other end typing and posting this, we wrote this together and i fully believe that as i say it. if you hadn't been here, i wouldn't have written it and there are your guys' ideas in this book! we wrote this together and holy crap was it a wild ride aND THIS IS GETTING SO LONG I CANT STOP GUSHING OH MY GOSH

now im the one that's melting.

i'll shut up now. thank you. thank you thank you thank you, oh my gosh, thank you so much. i love you all i hope you enjoyed reading this as much as i loved writing it. i love you and i dont know i love you so much holy crap.

i hope that you guys will continue to read my work; i have a new daddy imagine book up, if you didn't know! and i have another book. it's called decalescence and it's not a fanfiction but just as this book, i really would like to finish it. its about a guy and a girl, typical story; he falls for her and falls hard. but she runs away and hides something pretty damn big from him and they end up in a lot of crap that two teenagers don't need to be in. i think it's really cool and i would love your support over there if you're interested :) it would mean so much to me if you could give it a chance <3

okay i'll stop for real now. i love you and thank you one last time. this is so insane i owe you all the world. please take care of yourselves, stay safe and keep being so fricking awesometastic. 

i love you,

vi <3

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