INTERIM LOVER, ryan howard.

036 ⋮ missing you

          There was no reason why Rachel should've been nervous. She'd been to Ryan's mom's place— in fact, she was good friends with Mandy and visited his place without her son plenty of times too. So in theory, having Thanksgiving Dinner with Ryan's mom was not something she should've been afraid of. Yet, she was paralysed at the doorstep, either from the cold of the November night or the dread slowing the rush in her veins, slowly turning her to ice.

It was William who finally pressed the doorbell. About half a minute later, a gold glow fell on their faces as Ryan's mom pulled the front door open. She was greeting them with a toothy smile— much like her son's— but her gaze scanned past them quickly.

Her eyes returned to Rachel. Where's Ryan? they seemed to ask.

Rachel tried to resist the pulling on the corner of her lips, but her hesitation was enough to answer the question. Plus, Mandy knew the answer as well as anyone else. It was only expected of Ryan to be absent to events such as this, hidden under the guise of attending 'important business'. Sometimes, Mandy wondered whether she was to blame for bringing him up this way.

"Come inside," fussed the short woman, fixing a smile to her lips once again. Somewhere behind her, an appliance was incessantly beeping. "You're right on time for the pizza." Mandy tottered back to the kitchen as her guests peeled off their coats at the front door.

William seemed mused but also confused. "Is she referring to pizza that she ordered, or...?"

"Oh no," Rachel laughed. "Mandy makes her own pizza. She spends the week perfecting the dough, months on the sauce even. She doesn't usually do it in the Fall, but since it's Ryan's favourite..."

William's lips formed the perfect 'o', then paused for a moment to address her commitment, but there was nothing more to be said. As the two delved deeper into the house, they were surrounded by incandescent scents of crust and cheese and childhood photos of their friend. Some of them with friends, some alone, some with his mother and his father, some with each parent individually. All the photos dated back decades before William and Rachel had met him. Mostly, he seemed the same, except that there was always a lopsided smile gracing his face. Moments like this were rare for Ryan nowadays, particularly recently. She couldn't help but wonder when was the last time he'd felt so carefree. And though the framed photographs drew a lopsided curve onto her lips, she still felt a yearning for Ryan to return to his happier youth.

The two had made their way into the dining room, where Mandy was retrieving a fourth set of cutlery from the table. She looked up at the two and smiled warmly, as she always did. Like it was normal to have fewer people at the dinner table than she expected. Like it was normal not to see her own son at Thanksgiving. Three massive pizzas were brought before them, William sparing not one moment before he was hungrily biting into a slice.

"Sorry this isn't your typical Thanksgiving turkey."

"Nonsense, Mrs Howard, this is amazing!" William mused with a mouth half-full.

"Peterson," Rachel coughed. William knitted his brows together. "It's Ms Peterson."

"Oh, I'm so sorry!"

"It's no bother— you can just call me Mandy. Anyway, pizza is the tradition in this household because Ryan hates turkey. Well, it's a phobia."

"What?"

"Yeah," Mandy began. "When he was five, we took Ryan to a farm— one of those farms where you could walk among the animals. And this giant bird ran up to us— it must've been three times his size. He stepped in front of me, his little hands outstretched to stop it. It pecked so hard that his hand bled. He's refused poultry ever since, my poor baby."