INTERIM LOVER, ryan howard.

003 ⋮ tender loving care

ㅤㅤㅤ"No vision," Rachel read, "no dental, no nothing."

"But who needs vision," Ryan said, not looking up from his screen, "or teeth. Old people don't have any of that stuff, yet somehow they're so cute."

"And they're on the verge of death."

"Don't be so morbid, Rach."

"Easy for you to say. You don't have to worry because you're the Temp who doesn't get company healthcare."

"We're all temps in this world," Ryan replied nonchalantly. "Should we be worried about anything?"

"When did you get so clever?" She slid off his desk. "Well, I'd like to be able to live without fear of debt. I'd like to be able to afford a family, live a good life, y'know?"

He did not.

—

It was Ryan's turn to be idling at Rachel's desk. He wondered if he'd ever have as much work to do as her at Dunder Mifflin. He was only a temporary employee, chances were that he would be out of here and forgotten long before he could actually make a sale.

Dwight had emerged from the conference room, which had been dubbed his 'workspace' for his most important task of deciding the office's new health plan. "Gather round. It has been brought to my attention that some of you are unhappy with my plan. So just fill this out and write down any diseases you have that you might want covered and I'll see what I can do."

"We can't write our diseases down for you because that's confidential," Jim said.

"I didn't say to write your name down, did I? Fill it out, leave it anonymous. Or don't write any disease down at all and it won't be covered. Sound fair? Good. I'll be in my office."

"Workspace," Jim corrected.

—

RACHEL
Dwight's being a dick today. He's definitely getting it.

—

"You suffer from 'chronic pedal disintegration'?" Ryan looked at Rachel. "What's that?"

"Just the disease where your legs turn to dust. I don't have toes anymore."

"That is genius, Rach," Jim smiled, heading to reception to tell Pam of their latest prank.

"Don't forget to put down 'Clown-arrhea'," Ryan grinned, "the disease where you shit yourself when you see a clown."

"I'll bet Dwight's already got that one. Must be hard, shitting your pants every time you look in a mirror."

—

RYAN
I know should probably work hard and get that letter of recommendation from Michael if I ever want to start my own business. But messing 'round with Rachel is so fun.

—

"All right, who did this? I'm not mad. I just want to know who did it so I can punish them."

"What are you talking about?" Jim innocently replied.

"Uh, someone forged, uh, medical information and that is a felony."