Don't Let Me Fall (Emo Love Story)

Chapter 29

After we finished eating Evan started explaining the schedule that I would be following during my time here.
So we get up at eight have breakfast, we have an hour afterwards to do what we want to, we can read, write and there are phones here that you can use to call out to your loved ones.
At ten we have group where we talk about why we are in here and our thoughts, or we can simply just sit there and listen to other people talk about their issues.
After group is lunch at twelve, they offer a variety of different foods every lunch so there is no set lunch or dinner plans.
At two we have another group, but for coping methods that are supposed to help but according to Evan they don't really do shit to help.
Then the rest of the day you're free to do whatever again, lights out is at eleven.
"This is where you'll be staying, you dont have a roommate at this time, my mother doesn't want you to be putting a damper on others moods when they've progressed so much." Evan stated, nit even bothering to sugar coat what his mother said.
"I dont blame her." I mumbled.
"Well thats the end of the tour, have a great time here and remember, if you want to get out sooner, just make it look like you're getting better." Evan explained.
Giving him a nod i entered the room that was to be mine, there was a single bed with a wood bed frame, the bed covers were a think but blanket, a single pillow, I had a lamp on the end table there was paper and a pencil if I wanted to write, but no pencil sharpener obviously.
I'm a cutter so they're not gonna leave me one of those at all.
In the far corner sat a white dresser it had five drawers, instead of it being wide it was tall.
After a little while of taking in my surroundings I went to sit on the bed.
"Do I want to get better?" I asked to myself. "If they take the sick away...what will be left? Who am I supposed to be? Will they even be able to fix me?" Questions kept flooding my mind, this is all I've known for years and now im practically forced to give up the one part of me that I'm sure of...in a world where I'm alone, my demons keep me company. Yes they're mean and make me hate myself more, but at the same time, they keep me company.
Sighing I realized I was silently crying and wiped away my tears.
Keaths face flashed through my mind, and for a split second I was back to wanting to cry, but it quickly turned into hate, all I felt now was hatred towards him, hatred for Katie, hatred for my parents.
All I've done my entire life is try to be the best daughter imaginable. I've tried so hard to make my parents proud but I've always failed, im nothing but a disappointment to them.
Katie and I used to be close but then her stupid boyfriend ruined that, and Katie refused to believe me when it happened.
Keath, I gave him my trust, I loved him more than words could ever explain, he betrayed me, he ripped my heart in two, threw it away like it meant nothing.
As for Dylan, I'll never forgive for as long as I live, he ruined everything that I had, he ruined my relationship with Katie made me out to sound like a alut and turned me into the most hated girl in our school, made it so I'm terrified to step out the front door most days, scared that he will be lurking close by to hurt me again and again.
I squeezed eyes shut as the flashbacks of what Dylan had done to me ripped down the barrier and flooded my mind.
"Stop." I whimpered as I hung my head in my hands, this time I couldn't stop the tears from falling down my cheeks, no matter how hard I tried to make the images go away and put back up that wall I built to keep the memories at bay, it wasn't working the harder I fought the more the memories hurt me.