Let's cry together

Death: The natures way of 'Sort by new'

Why should who we love die? I know, I can't do anything about it really. The worst part is, that it will always come unexpected, so why do I bother to prepare myself for the grief, their funerals. I can't imagine a world, where they're not in; of course I could convince myself, that some higher force is making sure, that my loved ones never leave me completely alone. - You know, angels, guardians and stuff. Some might call the believes for "crazy man's talk", however in the end, we all believe in something. You could argue, that science is a religion too; we praise different scientists (Einstein, Isaac Newton etc.), and why would I say that? Hurt your pride; lower science to a "crazy man's believe" instead of praising it as the key behind every buildblock in the Universe? Well as you might have noticed, I believe that nothing matters, making everything matters, which in itself is quite paradoxical. When everything matters, it all must be the same thing: a man created believe that what we do matter.

In 2019 I "owned" spiders, which were taken from my garden and placed in an IKEA cheap plastic box. Don't get me wrong, they had it much better in there than outside: daily fresh water, hiding places and even a little pillow placed in the small hiding places. Furthermore, alot of them had lost a leg or two, so I don't feel bad for taking them. After a week or two I got tired of keeping them in my room, and despite my forever growing interest in spiders, I was terrified about the fact, that perhaps one day one of them would get out of their cages and crawl onto my bed. - They were pretty big (3 cm. diameter), and sometimes even drew attention from other spiders, which lurked out from my closet to regular try to get into the boxes to mate with them. One of the spiders was actually pregnant, Senorita we named her. I still to this day feel a feeling between honored and frightened, whenever thinking about how she violently attacked the doomed flyes. Let's just say, that I'm happy, I wasn't that fly nor a fly in particular. She was pregnant, and made her web ready for the kids, I knew, that most spiders after given birth gets eaten alive by their kids: nutritions. However when finding out, that she had given birth through the night, and see her lifeless body surrounded by thousands small spiders, carelessly eating their mom, I didn't feel sad. Instead I got a realization: Senorita died to make others live. If she hadn't sacrificed herself, the kids would have been starved to death, as goes with her mother. Senorita wouldn't have been alive, if her mother didn't sacrifice herself. Maybe death is just a way to make space for new?

Ngl, it still frightens me to think about my loved ones or anyone else are going to die someday, but the death of Senorita put thing into perspective.