TMNT Karai's Biggest Regrets

Well done Karai

The walk home hurt like hell, my whole body was aching but I didn't have my phone on me to call Shini and the cabs were assholes. None of them would stop and give me a ride. I wonder why my father moved to New York of all places? I would think a guy like him would like big open spaces with trees, rivers, and barely any people around but then again he was very open minded about things, maybe he just wanted to try something that was different from Japan.

 But seriously...New York! The people are rude, it's always noisy, and there is no fresh air. As I was in thought a car drove past a big puddle and water got all over me. I growled in annoyance. Luckily, I was only a couple blocks away from Shredder's old lair. I hoped Shini wasn't there. I don't want her to worry and I'm really not in the mood to talk. 

20 minutes later, I finally arrived at Shredder's old lair. I walked in and looked around. I didn't sense anyone which was a huge relief. I didn't need Shini asking me if I'm okay every five minutes and I really don't need my Foot clan to see me like this. They already think I'm a weak and unworthy leader as it is.

I walked in the throne room and paused halfway to the throne. I looked around and sighed. So many memories, none of them were good, not a single one. All I ever felt when I was living here with the Shredder was pain. Every time I would fail or disobey him he would punish me harshly. Good thing I was more useful to Shredder as a thief than a killer so the punishments wouldn't happen often. 

He mostly just yelled at me and threatened me when he wasn't impressed with me. God how I hated being yelled at. I would cry all the time when Shredder wasn't looking. He made me feel like a failure but the only reason he was never impressed with me was because I refused to kill people who tried to stop me from stealing. I would never kill unless it was for self defense which Shredder hated very much, he wanted me to be a bloodthirsty killer like he was but I didn't care how harshly he punished me I would not kill unless I absolutely needed to.

I looked at the steps to the throne and I started remembering how Shredder was laying there while my father charged at him ready to kill him right then and there without any mercy. He probably would have to if I hadn't stopped him. I had to admit, even back then I wanted Shredder dead. After Splinter left that day I wondered why I had stopped him. I guess it was because I took pity on Shredder. Now I wish I hadn't stopped him. It would have saved everyone a lot of trouble but part of me was glad I did. Not for Shredder's sake but for my father's. I may not have known him that well but I knew him well enough to know if he had killed Shredder that day in cold blood it would have broken him. He would have forever saw himself as a murder.

I had never thought of Shredder as my father. To tell the truth I didn't even know him until I was thirteen. The only person who raised me back then was Shini's mom; she was my nanny. Her name was Laila but I always thought of her as my mom and Shini and her older sister Mizuki as my big sisters. 

Back then Shredder didn't even tell them that my name (or the name he wanted me to be called anyway) was Karai. So Laila picked a name for me. She decided to call me Harmony which was funny to me after I learned my real name was Miwa because Miwa means 'beautiful harmony.' 

She said she named me Harmony because when I was a baby I loved music and when I started talking I used to sing all the time. She used to say how beautiful my voice was and she was always so supportive but she wasn't very patient. She would lose her temper a lot, not in a bad way though, it actually used to make me laugh. She would yell at us very immaturely for a little bit then make us do a couple chores. 

I was ten years old when she died. She had lung cancer. Apparently when she was younger she used to smoke a lot. I remembered how I sang her one last song for her final moments, after that I never sang again. Mizuki was eighteen when Laila died so she was old enough to take care of me and Shini.

Mizuki loved us but she wasn't very good at taking care of us. She just didn't know how to or she just didn't want to. She also didn't like cleaning and to be honest...neither did I, so our home was always a mess. 

Eventually,  Shini started to get annoyed with us. She would nag at us all the time about how lazy me and Mizuki were. Then when Shinigami realized that neither of us were going to listen to her she started doing all the cleaning and cooking but then I started to feel bad for letting her do it all by herself so I would help out a little. Mizuki didn't really care though, she just kept doing her own thing but at least she took over Laila's noodle shop to help pay the bills.

Few years later, Foot soldiers came to the house and told me Shredder wanted me to start living with him. They said Shredder was impressed with my report from my Sensei and he thinks I'm ready to start working for him. Laila had told me that me living with her and her daughters was never permanent but no matter how prepared I was...it didn't make the goodbyes any easier. I promised Shini and Mizuki I would write to them as much as I could. Shini was bowling and Mizuki tried her best to hold back her tears but eventually they fell from her cheeks.

When I arrived at Shredder's lair he immediately told me his rules. Never disobey him, never leave the mansion without permission, no friends or any relationships, mercy  is a weakness. Always focus on your anger, Address him as father, no games, TV or junk food. Only training, studying and vegetarian foods. And that last rule. Never EVER fail him. 

I roll my eyes as I remembered the rules that were supposed to make me a 'better ninja.' More like rules that were supposed to make me into a miserable ninja! I also remembered how he gave me my armor, told me to put it on, and took me to the dojo.

 When I walked in the dojo I saw a small bunny on the ground. I was really confused. Then Shredder gave me a knife and told me to kill it. My eyes widen. I tried to reason with him but he just slapped me, yelled at me, and threatened me. I was shaking. I have never been treated like that before. 

I was terrified of him when I looked into his eyes. I realized that slap was only a warning. If I didn't do what he said he would do much worse to me. So I got on my feet, walked to the animal, and lifted the knife. I didn't want it to suffer and I just wanted to get it over with so I killed it without any hesitation. After that, Shredder put a hand on my shoulder. I didn't show it but I was traumatized. That was my first kill. I remembered what he said to me that day.

 "Well done, Karai." I scoffed to myself before sitting on the throne.