Stay Away - Choi Chanhee the boyz New

The Party

     Me and the rest of NEON walk in, with Luna in the center, trying to look as cool and chill as possible. But it really doesn't work because I trip over someone's jacket that was by the door. Thankfully I catch myself, but I'm pretty sure everyone saw. Luckily the awkward silence doesn't last long as everyone bows to us and introduces themselves. When finally we met everyone, after a full hour of introductions, I realize I'm exhausted. I wouldn't call myself a complete introvert, but I haven't been to a large gathering in a while. I bonded easily with LOONA's Chuu and Heejin but I left them to sit down at an empty table. I observed as everyone was dancing and chatting with endless energy. I see someone sit across me and I snap back to the world.

     "Oh, hey Chanhee," I say.

     "Hi Hana," He smiles. Chanhee's smile is the brightest and most genuine I've ever seen. Seriously, how is he not the visual in his group?!

     "I'm getting tired," I admit.

     "Same, Right now I just feel like introverting," Chanhee says and we both rest our heads on the table.

     "Me too," I say. "I can't wait to check the views and comments tomorrow,"

     "Yeah, me too! I'm sure you have many fans," Chanhee adds.

     "Thanks I-" I get cut off by Oh My Girl's YooA clutching Chanhee's arm and pulling him up.

     "Chanhee-ah," she says. "Come on, the rest of the girls want to meet you," YooA drags him off and Chanhee looks back at me apologetically.

    Suddenly I realize how alone I am. The other NEON girls seem to mingle easily, but for some reason I feel suffocated. I'm not much younger than many of the idols here but I still feel uncomfortable. My breathing feels unstable and I feel myself start to tug at my collar of my shirt as if that will help me.

I make my way to the bathroom and close the door, I sigh and splash my face with water. Not here, not now please, I pray myself from getting another panic attack. I stare at myself in the mirror for a distraction and remember I have a makeup bag.

I re apply my orangish lip gloss since I'm bored here in the bathroom. What am I doing, I think. I never wore makeup before. I put the makeup down and stare at myself. I mean, the girl earlier had a point, Kiki is much prettier than me in my opinion. I don't meet the Korean height standards at all either. I didn't realize how sad I am until now, but why is that girl getting to me? I never listen to things like this. Ugh this is stupid what am I even thinking.

Suddenly the door swings open.
"AHHH!" The person and I scream at the same time.
"Oh it's just you Kevin," I sigh.
"Kiki said she saw you going in here for a while so I thought you might feel sick" Kevin says.
"No, I'm fine," I tell him
"What are you doing?" He comes a bit closer examining the makeup bag on the counter.
"Oh, I-I'm just, just putting- I don't know what I'm doing... I'm sorry," I look at myself in the mirror... what am I even doing? Do I actually care what that girl thought of me...?

"Why are you apologizing? I never said you couldn't wear makeup, I would never say that anyways. 'Because that's your form of expression and I don't have a problem with that'" he smiles at me. I really do have the best brother ever.

"Thanks it's just... I don't know why, I never stared at myself in the mirror that much until today," I tell him.

     "That happened to me when we first debuted. I became much more self conscious about everything, my face, my singing, my dancing. It took a while but eventually I realized that Deobi's like me for who I am, and I wouldn't have made it this far if I didn't deserve it. So I learned to like myself, and I never thought that way again," Kevin sat against the wall next to me.

     "thanks," I clear my throat. "I'm sure mom and dad would be proud of you,"

     "You too," He tells me. Our parents are in Canada, they didn't really approve of what Kevin wanted to do in life, become a singer, so we ran away together. It was a big risk, and we haven't had a good relationship with them since. But In my opinion, it was worth it.

     "Oh by the way, Chanhee was looking for you before I came in," Kevin added.

     "really? Why? Isn't he with YooA?" I sit up straighter.

    "Somehow he found a way out of their conversation but got worried when he couldn't find you," Kevin laughed. "You like him don't you?"

     "What?! No! Why would I?!" I whack his arm.

     "It's SO obvious!" He laughs. I get up quickly and dust myself off.

     "Whatever, clearly you need glasses," I pick up my bag and help Kevin up.

     "Whatever," Kevin rolls his eyes and we leave the bathroom.

    As soon as I get out Chanhee rushes over. "Hana! Are you okay? I'm sorry for leaving you," he says.

    "I'm fine!" I tell him.

    "Yah! You should have told me you were leaving, I went back to sit with you and looked like a fool!" He nags.

     "Yeah yeah yeah, you're always nagging," I imitate him and he and Kevin and I go to get snacks.

The rest of the night actually turned out okay, Enhypen gave a congratulations speech for NEON, I got many phone numbers of idols, and was added to a group chat with Chuu and Heejin. I felt surrounded with compliments, and it was embarrassing but at the same time felt kind of nice LOL. Around 11:30 we called an uber back, I rode with Kiki and Sujin. As soon as we got back to the dorms I crashed on my bed, excited for tomorrow.