Twin Flames (Riven x OC)

Alex

*I just wanna add an extra warning that whilst there is no actual relapse into self harm fully, she does bite her skin at one point and the chapter is very intense in regards to mental health and how she feels towards herself*

Two weeks. I hadn't seen Riven in all that time and I wondered if he was somehow tethered to my sanity as well. I don't know what happened to me that night, but something did. I hated him more since that day. Not because I wasn't grateful that he saved my life nor was it that I was willing enough to take the fall, but because of what it did to me after.

We'd been suspended and they'd been incredibly lenient to us both. Two weeks was barely any consequence for what we'd done and the manhunt we'd caused for the burned one. I had been fine for the first few days. Maybe it all hadn't hit me yet so I was able to cope with it better than would've been expected. Whatever it was, it went away a few days into the first week.

I thought of him and that was my mistake. He'd held me and I remembered his cologne, a dark wood reminding me of forests in heavy rain mixed with crackling fire and something like green apples. It was very addicting, but I wondered if it was only so because it was on him. His hold on me was a lot softer than I'd thought it'd be, but his hands were still somewhat rough to the touch, not that I minded. I'd practically melted against him, head rested on his chest.

His heartbeat had been so steady and even, I wanted to scoff. Mine was racing and I couldn't bear the effect he had when he was so close, resting his head above mine. Why wasn't his racing too? I fit right into him like a piece to a puzzle. Like I was the last piece he'd been looking for.

Regardless, the moment was over and when I thought of it one night back in my own room and holding the gift I'd gotten him, that's when I broke. It's like my body suddenly decided that the trauma of what happened could hit me all at once, like an endless flood and I cried. I cried and cried until I couldn't anymore, somewhere far into dawn. I'd looked at my wrists, seeing his own stare back in mangled scars that were my fault and I wanted to scream at how unfair everything was.

Why the fuck was my first worry about him? What about me? I needed to be okay too, yet all I could think was that I'd hurt him and that he'd be reminded of it forever.

I couldn't take it. No cards were dealt for me to play and I was desperate to. I itched for release, like I needed something, anything, to be thrown my way so I didn't feel so helpless.

I hadn't fully thought of hurting myself again until that night it all came crashing down. I still hadn't. One hundred and nineteen days now that I was back at Alfea, but I'd broken just enough to bring some razors just in case. It was shameful, knowing the secret I hid in my suitcase for only me to find. I felt like I wasn't being entirely honest and I guess I wasn't. I guess I was lying to Bree and Lauren when they asked me how I'd been, and I guess I'd been lying to myself when I said I was okay.

I wasn't okay. And that in itself should've been fine but I didn't accept it any more because of it. I felt lost and like the only thing that kept me together was the medicine I took every morning and evening. I was sick of that dependency. I was sick and tired of remembering the quizzical face on Riven's beautiful features when he read the labels. I was tired of spending the past two weeks believing that he must assume I'm absolutely nuts and that I can't function without them.

I wanted to prove him and myself wrong. I didn't need anything to keep me together. Certainly not some chemical components mixed with each other to create whatever I was taking. So I stood there, the bathroom door locked and myself still drying in my bathrobe, looking at my medicine that I held between my fingers.

I didn't want them. Maybe they were the real reason I'd lost control. Right? Maybe it wasn't Riven at all and I was simply crazy enough to believe otherwise. He could've just been at the right place at the wrong time.