Twin Flames (Riven x OC)

Alex

*This is a really, really long chapter. I couldn't help it*

I shouldn't have apologised to Riven. Not like that. I was not selfish, yet in a moment of weakness, I apologised for being it. It didn't sit right and I really needed him to know that it didn't, that whilst causing him physical pain hadn't been something I'd wanted or thought through, none of it was selfish.

I'd also never admit just how much he helped me the other day. It felt good to have him fall apart. As terrible as it may sound, it meant that I wasn't the only one that was an absolute mess. If someone like Riven, he of all people, could cry against my chest because he couldn't take it sometimes, then perhaps I'd misjudged and been too quick to assume I was the only one struggling.

That night had traumatised him too. He was just a lot better at pretending that it didn't.

But it was almost a relief to see that it did. I wasn't just overly emotional and he wasn't just a cold angry shell of a young man.

He was human.

And a part of me had forgotten that. Maybe because we argued so much, or because of how angry he could make me, or the fact that all I'd ever fully felt from him were emotions that hid who he could be. Who he actually was.

It was a few days later now, and for the first time in a good while, one was not running from the other. I'd joked about it once as I went to my next class, seeing him come my way to go outside. He greeted me first, amused though he still struggled to fully meet my eyes. Sometimes he'd look but I often found that he purposely didn't. I wasn't sure why but it stung more than I'd let him know.

It got increasingly more exhausting for me to feel things without understanding why. He felt me whenever I harmed myself, regardless of the distance, that had been established. When I was really, fully, physically hurt, he knew. And sometimes when he'd be training, there was an off chance I'd feel some sort of pain if he fell, but it wasn't always.

I wondered if maybe physical pain was only felt between us if the threat was real. But was I to be considered a threat to myself?

And why then could I still sometimes feel the pain when he was out there with other Specialists?

Nothing made fucking sense.

Regardless, as much as I absolutely loathed this indescribable link that I desperately wanted to break, I wasn't going to run away from him again. I think I'd come to process that the reason he ran wasn't because of disgust but rather fear and shame. When I confronted him in the hall, it had all become so much clearer.

And his honesty was refreshing. It was brutal but it was real, to know he had no idea what to do, and to see just how much it affected him too. Of course I knew that the suffering of another could hurt those around them, but I hadn't fully expected him to care that much. I doubted he would ever say it, but it became clear when I held him that he cared for me.

He could insult me after all he wanted, but I'd still know. The thought brought me such incredible comfort that it almost frightened me into running again. But then I realised just how stupid that was. How childish all of it had been.

After our argument, I felt a part of myself come back. As he walked away down the stairs, the first urge I had was to do just as I'd said. Get a new prescription. And four days later, now, it had arrived. Since then my days hadn't been terrible either. I dared say better, a little more in my control. Mostly.

Three days since I'd harmed myself. Though I still found the urge to bite into my skin far too great to take any chances. I refused to cave, I didn't want to now that the familiarity of control was back in my reach and the possibility of Riven feeling it was so heavily weighed on my mind.