Sincerely, Harry -h.p

Chapter 20

I opened my eyes and instantly regretted it. There was no possible way I could still be breathing.

How am I still alive?

My whole entire body ached, I had never felt this type of pain before, and it was unbearable.

"Bloody hell."

I looked to my right and saw Harry sitting next to me with tears in his eyes. He looked extremely tired.

"Get away from me," I said as best I could.

"Jocie I'm so sorry-"

"Please.. just go."

He took a deep breath and tears rolled down his cheeks. His eyes fell to the floor and he gulped.

He then walked out, and I didn't know what to think. There were no words to even begin to describe what I was feeling. I just didn't want to be here, I didn't want to deal with this.

Madam Pomfrey came rushing in, and I assumed she knew the only reason Harry would leave was if someone told him to.

"How are you feeling, dear?"

"Could be better," I muttered.

"Here, drink this."

She handed me a small cup filled with a clear liquid and I gulped it down. It tasted of dog food.

"If you don't mind me asking, how exactly did you fall?"

"Fall? I didn't fa-"

I stopped myself as I realized what would happen if I told them I purposely did it.

"I mean- I didn't mean to fall, I just wanted some fresh air and I made a stupid mistake."

"Mhm. I see. Well you're lucky to be alive."

I faked a smile and tried to fall asleep. Falling asleep was the closest I could get to what I wanted, so I found comfort in it.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Jocie, wake up."

I jumped up to see Cedric standing over me with his hand on my shoulder.

"Cedric? I-"

"Harry told me everything. Including how he cheated on you, and how you "fell" off the tower."

"Shh! I did fall!"

"Jocie. I'm not stupid. Why else would you be standing on the railing?"

I broke eye contact with him and took a deep breath. I really didn't want him to know, I didn't want anyone to know actually, but I suppose I wasn't in control of that.

"You can't tell anyone, okay? If Lupin found out he would be so upset, and I don't need the school to try and put me in a mental hospital."

"I would never. But I care about you, and I'm worried. I'm always here for you, you know that right?"

I looked into his eyes and my heart felt as though it was in a knot. I hadn't experienced that feeling since last year, when I fancied him.

He then sat down next to me and pulled me into a hug. I winced a little from the pain but I hugged him back, and we stayed like that for a couple minutes, until Harry walked in.

"Sorry for interrupting your little moment here, but I'd like to talk to Jocie for a moment, if that's alright."

Cedric cocked an eyebrow and walked out as Harry sat next to me. I was absolutely disgusted with him, I could barely even look at him. Considering he knew what kissing Bella would do to me, just made it all the worse. Although, as much as I wanted to hate him, I still loved him.

"I thought I told you to stay away from me."

"Yeah you did, but it was stupid of me to actually leave you alone. You tried to kill yourself, Jocie. And to make it even worse, it was my fault."

"Don't you dare pull the whole "it's my fault and now I'm sad," on me. It wasn't completely your fault and you know that. What you did just really pushed me over the edge."

As much as I wanted to explain how much I loved him, and that he was the only thing keeping me alive, I knew it would only make the situation worse.

"I know. But I would be mental if I didn't think it was my fault."

He put his hand on my thigh and I gasped at the feeling.

"Harry.. I can't be with you anymore."

His eyes dropped to the floor and then slowly fell back on me.

"I- I know."

I felt a sharp pain in my chest as I looked at him. I had never seen this Harry.

"You won't tell anyone-"

"Of course not."

I nodded and he got up and left. My mind and emotions were so scattered I couldn't even begin to process what I was feeling or thinking. I just wanted to rest.