There is no cure (Carl Grimes)

Chapter 17

“You think there’s a cure?” I look at Carl. 

“Yeah. I thought you did too. You said us finding a cure would be inevitable.” He quotes me. 

“That was a long time ago, Carl. I just don’t know what to think. Eugene has some kind of cure, and Abraham wants us to just go to DC with him, and we no nothin’ about the damn cure. It’s like walkin’ on water.” I scoff. 

“You need to have hope, Mary.” Carl says.

“Hope; It comes and goes with me.” 

“Carl.” Rick calls out to him. I stand up.

“I’ll let yall talk.” I start to walk away.

“No, Mary. You need to here this too.” I nod, and sit beside Carl.

“I don’t trust this guy.” Rick says.

“Neither do I.” I agree. 

“Why?” Carl asks confusions scrunched in his face.

“Why do you?” Rick asks.

“Not everyone has to be bad.” I bite my lip from talking. No one is good, though. I don’t think he understands that.

“Well I don’t trust this guy. I think he’s hidin’ something. He could have friends. I need you to stay alert and help Tyreese with Judith. Now, I need you to listen. You are not safe. No matter how many people are around, no matter how clear the area looks, no matter what anyone says, no matter what you think. You are not safe. It only takes one second, one second and it’s over. Never let your guard down. Promise me.” I nod my head. 

“I promise. Dad. you’re right. I am strong. We all are. But we’re strong enough that we can still help people. We are strong enough that we don’t have to be afraid, and we don’t have to hide.” Rick nods, and walks away. I hurry behind him, before he leaves. 

“Rick!” I call following him. He turns around, and faces me. 

“I know you can handle all of this. I know you understand all of this. I know you know we are not safe. I just needed to tell Carl. Having hope is a good thing, but having too much could get you killed. I just need him to know that.” Rick says. 

“I think he knows that, but refuses to believe it. Why do you think I can handle, or understand all of this?” I ask. How does he know?

“You’re strong, Mary. I saw it the first day I met you. You ran out to Atlanta, you learned to survive on your own, you found us again. You’re a true survivor.” 

“I was only twelve when you met me.” I shake my head, starring down at my feet. 

“You were strong then too. You reminded me of Merle at the time. Stubborn.” He laughs, and I laugh agreeing with him. Then, everything goes quiet. Merle. I sigh at the thought of him. 

“I just can’t believe he’s dead. It’s been months since he’s died. Maybe, longer. Maybe even a year. Toughest son of a bitch I knew; Merle Dixon. That’s a name you don’t forget.” I shake my head denying any tears from coming.

“Yall better get goin’. I should get inside.” I walk up the steps of the church, and sit alone in the back. Carl said he wanted to look around the church. Daryl, and Carol left, and Tyreese is in the front watching Judith. 

He’s dead. He’s dead. Dead! Merle Dixon. It still comes to a shock to me sometimes. I just want to break down, and cry. But I can’t. I can’t let myself fall into despair. I can’t let myself feel it. I don’t want to let myself feel it. Not now. I’m not safe. I will never be safe.