Start Of Time

chapter 5

January 24th. It’s Dean’s birthday and even though he’s not very keen on getting older, he’s quite excited to spend the evening with his friends and family. He hasn’t seen them in what feels like forever, the last time he did, things were phenomenally different— they were hunters, trying to stop the most powerful celestial being known to men from nuking the world.
It’s crazy how far they’ve come… to Dean at least, after all he was the one who thought he’d go down swinging and would never get to see the day he turns 42. This feels like a new beginning to him, a clean slate, to start and live his life the way he wants to, no strings and doohickeys pulling him and manipulating every step he takes. It’s exhilarating, but it’s also tougher than he thought it would be, the responsibility to keep his life in one piece feeling like a heavy weight on his shoulders. It’s scary to think that whatever mistakes he makes now are all on his hands and no one else’s… he’s already feeling the impact of it all, with Anna and how he could’ve had something with her if he had made the right choice.  He doesn’t dwell on it much though, the privilege of making his own mistakes on his own accord sounding much better than having a divine being playing puppet with him.


He’s sitting on the black marble counter in his open-plan kitchen, his feet swinging from above the glistening wooden floors to the beat of the song playing on his radio— Tangerine by Led Zeppelin. He hums along to the song as he waits for his guests to arrive which he suspects is in the next ten or fifteen minutes. He doesn’t mind waiting, the little solitary moment feeling like the calm before the storm.

The doorbell goes off before the song ends, and he hops off the counter, fixing his damp and perfectly styled hair as he makes his way over to the door in his new outfit— grey dress pants, a white shirt and a black V-neck sweater over it. He gets to the door, twists the handle and pulls it open, revealing a cheery Castiel, his eyes are bright with no dark circles surrounding them and his skin looks that beautiful tan tone Dean could never admit to liking so much. He looks amazing and it seems like he’s nursed himself back to health.

Dean takes a step back and let’s Cas in, the man’s pungent scent of a sort of citrusy perfume almost knocking the air right out of his lungs. The smell lingers and Dean wishes it could stay longer but it fades and fuses into the aroma of the lamb shanks Dean had made for dinner.

“Happy birthday, Dean. If I’d have known sooner, I would’ve given you a gift better than a bottle of wine.” Castiel speaks, the gravel of his voice like an angel’s touch, leaving a brand on one’s soul. He hands Dean the bottle, the grin on his face, soft and shy.

“thanks, Cas. And don’t worry about gifts, I didn’t really expect you to pop up with a fifty-karat gold watch or anything.” Dean leads him to the kitchen and grabs two wine glasses from one of the kitchen cabinets.

Castiel looks around the house while Dean pours them some wine, he’s seated on a black marble bar stool, his eyes astonished by the beauty of Dean’s home. It’s decorated in a few fresh flowers and succulents, the walls are marble white, the tables and kitchen cabinets are all made of oak wood and it glimmers under the soft lighting, showing off its varnished finish. There’s a stone fireplace in the living room and on the mantelpiece, a few framed pictures and little ornaments. The rustic coffee table is surrounded by two grey Lawson sofas, and under it is a beautiful white shaggy rug. It’s so simple yet so stunning.

“you’ve got a beautiful home.” Castiel speaks after a beat, his eyes still roaming around, rather stunned that his lumberjack neighbor doesn’t live in a pigsty like he imagined him to.

“bet you’re real surprised.” Dean hands him his glass of wine and takes a seat right beside him, Cas doesn’t say anything as he brings his glass up to his mouth, hiding his grin from Dean.


“so, who else is coming? Is it only your brother and colleague?” Castiel questions after a moment of silence. his glass almost empty, the tiny bit of alcohol he consumed already making him feel more relaxed than ever. Dean reaches for the bottle and pours the man another glass before doing the same for himself. He never, not even in a million years, pictured himself sipping on wine while listening to a soft rock album with another man on a Saturday night. He feels like one of those bored suburban moms who has nothing better to do than have six-hour long chats with their neighbors.

“nah. Two other friends from Sioux Falls are coming, and his fiancée.” He answers and focuses on his drink that’s beginning to taste better the more he consumes it.

“your brother… uhm, is he the only family you’ve got?” the curiosity gets the better of him and for a moment he doesn’t blame himself for it. Dean’s been his neighbor for almost a month now and he knows jack-squat about him, he’s surprised that he didn’t find himself intruding earlier on.

There’s a sudden sharp pain in Dean’s chest when he thinks about his family, the ones he lost before he could really get to know them and the ones that died by his hands… by his hands because ultimately everything that happened to them, everything that lead up to their demise was because of him, whether it was to save him or whether it was blindly going along with one of his half-assed plans, it was all on his hands.

He can’t muster up enough strength to answer Castiel quick enough to mask the pain beaming off him like an SOS siren.

“I am way out of line, I’m sorry.” Castiel’s brows furrow, the instant regret evident in his expression and tone. Dean waves him off and offers him a reassuring smile.

“it’s fine, it’s just, if you’re referring to blood related, then yeah, he’s the only family I’ve got, but beyond that, no, I’ve got Sammy, Bobby, Eileen—the list goes on.” He says and Castiel wants to ask more but he lets it go, not wanting to seem intrusive.

The bell goes off not long after that and they both stand to meet the rest of the guests. Castiel stops a few feet behind Dean and waits for him to let his friends and family in. Sam, Eileen, Bobby, Jody, Donna and Benny walk in and each one of them embraces Dean in a tight hug. He feels slightly embarrassed by it, feeling Castiel’s eyes burn holes into his back.

“Alright, enough.” He shoos them off playfully and side steps, gesturing to Castiel. “I want you guys to meet a… friend… of mine.” He adds, awkwardly. 

“Hi, I’m Castiel. It’s nice to meet you all.” He shakes each hand and when he gets to Benny’s he makes a pregnant pause, they both hesitate before shaking hands. There’s tension between the two but they brush it off, not wanting anything to come between Dean celebrating his birthday.


The night goes by smoothly despite whatever is happening between Castiel and Benny. They all have dinner around the dining table in peace, talking about work, life and definitely not hunting. Though Donna almost mentions vampires about three or four times during the conversation, forgetting that Castiel and Benny are in the dark.

They soon move the little party to Dean's back yard, the cool breeze of the night like a breath of fresh air. They’re all seated on wooden chairs surrounding the warm fire pit, sipping on ice-cold beers while old static tunes exude from an old radio of Dean’s. Donna and Jody are seated inches from each other, engrossed in their own intimate conversation while Eileen teaches Cas new ASL phrases, they go on from that to talking about the diamond rock banded around her ring finger.

“your friends seem great.” Sam speaks, a proud smile on his face. Nothing makes him happier than seeing Dean living this beautiful and normal life he never thought he could have, a part of him wishes he were there to witness it every day but they’re different people now walking on different paths.

“Cas is kind of a dick to be honest.” He says, eyeing the man that’s seated from across him. he looks absolutely gorgeous under the moonlight and under the light of the sparkling flame between them, and Dean wishes he were a little bit closer, wanting his scent and warmth to engulf his whole being.

“that explains why you two are such good friends,” Sam teases and get’s a nudge from Dean.

“but seriously, I’m glad that you have people here for you, it seems like things are going pretty well.” He adds and Dean rolls his eyes at Sam’s words. If only he knew.

“yeah, and what about you? I mean, you’re practically living the dream.” He praises.

“I am, but it’s not your dream. This right here is yours, it’s comfortable, cosy and simple. There’s nothing wrong with loving a simple life, especially when the rest of it has been anything but.” Sam reassures him. He knows his brother better than anyone and he knows that Dean’s been struggling ever since he finished his degree at Stanford and made such a smooth transition from the supernatural world to the normal world in contrast to Dean who still had to figure out who he was as a person without the aspects of everything supernatural playing a part in his identity.

“I know, I just don’t know if it’s enough anymore. What if I want something more, something I know I can’t have?”  Sam follows Dean’s eyes back to Castiel and his brows immediately raises in curiosity and slight confusion.

He’s always suspected his brother to have a thing for men but up until this very moment he’s never really thought about it.

“why can’t you have it? What’s stopping you?” Dean faces him and he realises that he’s been looking at Castiel this whole time. His heart almost gives in, it beats so fast and loud that he swears the whole room can hear it. He feels like throwing himself over a bridge, ashamed and horrified on Sam’s behalf.

“I think it’s time we cut the cake and bring out a few bottles of whiskey.” He deflects, speaking loud enough to grab everyone’s attention. He stands to his feet and so does Cas, beating Benny to it.

They walk back into the kitchen in silence, both of them drunk, but not enough to say stupid unsolicited shit to each other. Cas aims for the cake, stacking a few candles onto it while Dean grabs the drinks.

“I like your family, they’re very kind.” He aligns the candles perfectly on the rectangular shaped cake, his tongue jotting out of the side of his mouth as he concentrates.

“they seem to like you too.” Dean smiles, wide because he knows that Castiel can’t see it from where he’s standing.

“well, I am a very charming guy. I’m surprised you didn’t fall for me yet.” There’s silence and for a moment Castiel thinks that Dean had walked out on him— he hasn’t. he looks up and meets Dean’s terrified eyes, he’s frozen in place and he’s not sure how to react to Castiel’s words. Shit!

“Dude—” Castiel stands straight, a tiny smirk drawn across his face. “It’s just a joke.”

The heat rises from his neck to his cheeks and they’re suddenly tinted with a bright red. Castiel laughs, his chuckle bubbly and weightless as he tends to the cake again.

“You should head out, the cake should actually be a surprise.” He says and Dean scurries out without another word.

He takes his seat again but this time Sam is seated with Eileen, his arms around her so tightly as if he had been missing her for ten years now. She doesn’t protest, the warmth he provides, her best source of comfort.

Castiel walks out with the cake, each candle on it lit, illuminating his face and highlighting his features. Everyone starts singing to Dean, and if you look deep and close enough you could see the tears starting to form in his emerald eyes. There’s something so memorable and beautiful about this moment and he knows that come hell or high waters he’ll never ever forget about it. He blows each candle out, the wish he makes remaining unknown to everyone but himself, and even though he knows it’s unlikely, every fibre in his body prays for it to come true.


Everyone leaves about two hours later, everyone except for Castiel who’s seated alone by the fire, watching as the flame burns, the sparks flying out from above it looking like stars and constellations in the process of forming. His mind is preoccupied, the lull of the music somehow helping him read his own thoughts coherently. He had fun with Dean and his family, surprisingly, they turned out to be better than what he expected. They remind him of the family he wishes he had. His father and his brothers were always quite distant from him and sometimes he feels like he deserved it because if it weren’t for him, if he weren’t born, their mother would still be alive and his father would still have a wife. He never got the warm and cosy feeling people get when they talk about family, he never understood the term especially before Jack was born.

Dean walks out of the kitchen door, the large glass structure wide open, allowing the cool air from outside to settle in the house. He walks up from behind the silent man and rests a hand on his shoulder, figuring that he misses his son. He squeezes lightly and it feels as of though a massive weight has been lifted off Castiel’s shoulder. He tilts his head to look at the man, gratitude written all across his face. Dean grins back and proceeds to take a seat beside him.

“Here. Looks like you need this more than I do.” He hands Cas his glass of whiskey, gaining a soft smile from him. Their fingers brush for a second and they both try to fight the burning sensation it lit in them, but it’s so strong and so loud, making it near impossible to ignore.

“do you want another glass?” Dean questions after Castiel gulps down the strong liquid to distract himself from his thoughts. He declines, his head already buzzing from too much alcohol.

“I think we should stop drinking if we plan on getting up tomorrow.” Cas says as he puts the glass down, his eyes are on Dean and they momentarily drift to his plump lips.

He wants to tell him they’re beautiful and distracting, he wishes he had the guts to, he wishes he could charm him like he charms the other guys and maybe get a little taste of him. He grasps his bottom lip in between his teeth before releasing it, letting it pop out wet and flushed. Dean notices and the urge to grab the man by the collar and just kiss him silly gets stronger as the seconds pass.

“I want to kiss you.” Dean hears himself say, his voice low and gravelly, his eyes dark and lustful as he inches in. Castiel is frozen still, his lips parted, and his heart beating so hard against his ribcage that it hurts. Dean closes the gap between them, their warm alcohol coated breaths hovering in the middle until it’s gone.

Their lips touch, sparking a volt of electricity in the both of them. Dean encloses his lips around Castiel's soft ones as he moves closer to the man, placing his hands on either side of his face. The kiss gets heated and passionate, they’re breathing heavy as they deepen it. It feels amazing, elevating and freeing. It’s been at least 20 years since Dean has felt the touch of another man and it feels indescribable… it feels right.

Castiel pulls away just as Dean is starting to enjoy it all, his cheeks flushed and his lips swollen. His heart is racing so fast that it makes him nauseous.

“I have to go. I’m sorry, Dean.” Castiel stands to his feet so fast that he almost falls back. He walks away and doesn’t look back, the regret churning in the pit of his belly.