Start Of Time

chapter 2

January 15th. Castiel can’t begin to comprehend what has just been said to him. It makes him feel sick and his heart can’t stop racing, it beats so hard that he could feel it slam against his ribcage. It’s Kelly and she called to tell him that she’s moving to Washington soon and she wants to take Jack with her. She believes that he’d have a better and less complicated life living with her. He’s in the first grade now and she can’t help but think about how he’ll grow up different in a sense and probably get bullied for it— I mean, how many kids in Kansas are growing up with openly gay dads?. She hates to say it, to make Castiel feel like he’s at fault or that there’s something wrong with him but she needed to voice her concerns, her son’s wellbeing being the most important thing on her list.

Castiel is tied between wanting to fight for Jack and letting him go. He wants nothing more than for Jack to not get treated like shit by his peers for having a damn gay dad but he wants nothing more than to just be with his son and see him smile every day. He feels selfish for wanting to keep him around, despite all the reasons why he shouldn’t, but god knows that he can’t help it, after six years of mostly raising him alone, he feels entitled to being a selfish ass.

“Kelly, you can’t possibly think that I’d let you drag my son all the way to Washington.” He whisper yells into the receiver, the school hallway so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. He’s standing outside of his classroom, his eyes glued on his kids through the window of the wooden door— one in particular— Eliot Cosby who seems to contradict everything his teacher asked him to do. Castiel groans but lets it go, the matter not as important as the phone call he’s having with his baby mama.

“—our son, Castiel. He’s ours.” There’s a bitterness laced behind her tone but Castiel’s mind is too torn to try and decipher what it means— he honestly couldn’t care less at this moment.

“Our son who I have been mostly raising alone, Kelly. Look, I know you want to make up for lost times, and you’re afraid that he’d get hate crimed on my behalf but you can’t do this, not to me— not to Jack.” He says, his eyes closing as he feels the tears threatening to spill. He shoves it down, biting his inner lip so hard until he feels the warm ooze of blood pool his mouth, the copper taste, pungent and distracting.

“look, I don’t mean to make you go through this but you don’t have a choice. He’s coming with me, Cas. It’s for his own good.”

“And who’s gonna take care of him because the last time I checked your job was, is and always will be your number one priority.” He snaps and just as he’s about to say something else, something he’d probably regret, the bell goes off and he immediately hears shuffling and loud voices coming from the closed door of his classroom.

He cuts the call.

He swipes a hand over his face, frustration and anger boiling inside of him as he turns on his heels and enters his classroom. Everyone’s packed up and he dismisses them without even bothering asking if they’ve all written down their respective poems… he’ll deal with that tomorrow.

There’s silence once more and Castiel hates it, for the first time he wishes that his kids were still here, driving him nuts, screaming about this and that. He’d prefer that any day over this deafening silence.


♧♧♧


His days of doing nothing has finally come to an end, and lord was he excited. Today was Dean’s first day at work, and yeah it’s not as fancy as what Sam’s got going on but he’d lie if he said working as a mechanic wasn’t something that crossed his mind way more times than he could count. Dean loves cars, everything about them, so this is kind of a dream job, no matter how small it may seem from the outside.

The day wasn’t as busy as he’d have hoped but he was kept busy with a few oil changes, some alternator repairs and replacements, and his very chatty co-worker, Benny Lafitte. He’s a great guy but Dean wished he knew how to put a brake on his mouth like he did a car.

“Yeah, definitely.” Dean lies through his teeth, agreeing with Benny about hanging out together some time.
He throws his duffel over his shoulder and watches as the clock on the wall just hit 7pm. He lets out a relieved sigh, his back feeling just as much relief as he walks out and over to his car.

He pulls out of the quiet parking lot and onto the clear stretch of road, the music playing softly over the sound of the roaring engine. The sky is dark, blue with hues of grey, the stars out but hardly visible under the fog of clouds. It looks beautiful though, and Dean almost feels tempted enough to pull over the side of the road and just stare. Gazing at the sky gives him peace, it always has, especially during his hopeless nights on the road when all he could do was look up and pretend that the world wasn’t falling apart from under him.

He decides against it as he meets the junction of mulberry road and St. Anne’s, turning right into St. Anne’s, soon finding a little restaurant to grab a quick bite at, too tired to go home and make something to eat for himself.

The place is warm and welcoming, soft tunes exuding from the walls over the chatter and laughter of the customers. Dean slides into one of the empty booths, the red leather cool and uncomfortable under him. He ignores it, or at least tries to as a waitress approaches him, her cherry hair bouncing as she speaks. She’s quite beautiful,  her skin smooth and clear and her smile as bright as the sun. Dean squints his eyes and reads her name off of the name tag attached to her red and blue vest.

“Anna, what a pretty name.” he says, taking the menu from her. She smiles, blushes actually, and places a strand of her hair behind her ear. She looks as if she’s in her late 20s, 27 or 28 maybe, her face still fresh, and her body—

“I’ll be right back to pick up your order, sir.” She excuses herself politely, interfering with Dean’s very sexual thoughts. He coughs, clearing his throat and goes through the menu in silence.

“Mr Winchester!” a tiny shriek comes from across the room and Dean looks around for a moment before spotting the little rascal it belongs to. It’s Jack and he’s heading Dean’s way.

Dean sinks in his seat, his appetite almost gone as Jack raises a hand and waves at him fervently, his smile so wide, stretching from ear to ear.

“Hello!” he greets and if this kid wasn’t as adorable as he is, Dean would’ve flung himself into the sun. Jack’s wearing a warm smile, his two front teeth separated slightly by a tiny gap. He’s dressed in a warm and furry onesie and a home knitted beanie that looks way too big for him.

Castiel walks up to him and stands behind his son, his face contorted with so much annoyance that Dean finds it slightly amusing.

“And what do I owe the pleasure of meeting you here, little man?” Dean questions, his body turned to face Jack, his brows raised to look like he’s interested in every little thing the kid says.

“I still feel bad for breaking your window so I want to give you this—” he lightly shoves a teddy bear with the words ‘I’m beary cute’ etched on it in dean’s direction, urging for him to take it. It looks a little old, the colour worn out and tough stains around its ears and limbs.

Dean hesitates, his eyes drifting up to meet Castiel’s gaze. Castiel doesn’t say anything as he just lightly shrugs at Dean from behind Jack. Dean takes the bear, his rough skin tracing over the soft fur of the little toy. He looks at it for a moment and soon looks back at Jack, the kid’s eyes big and hopeful, praying that Dean likes the gift.

“His name is stuffy, but you can name him whatever you want.” The kid speaks and Dean’s lips pull into a small smile, it’s pure and it makes the corners of his eyes wrinkle.

“Nah, Stuffy's a great name.” Dean wiggles the bear and Jack’s smile widens as he does so.

“thanks for the gift, kiddo.” He adds and places the furry little thing on the table.

“Okay, come on. Let’s find us a table.” Castiel says to Jack and tries to lead him as far away as possible, the mood to deal with Dean any further, just not there.

“You can sit here. There’s plenty'a space.” Dean speaks and a big part of him wants to know ‘why the fuck would you invite them to sit with you?’  He doesn’t quite know, perhaps it’s to make up for what happened at the bar or to just have someone to eat a meal with. He sure as hell can’t tell.

Castiel lifts a brow in question and suspicion. He wants to decline but Jack is already in the booth, seated across Dean, his smile so wide that it looks painful.

“Okay, then.” Castiel says just loud enough for himself to hear as he slides into the booth to sit beside his six year old son.

There’s a bit of tension between them and it’s multiplied by their silence. Jack does all the talking and Dean listens, his eyes wide and open with fake anticipation.

The waitress comes around again, her brows furrowing in question when she notices Cas and Jack accompanying Dean. It should look like two people, friends perhaps, having dinner together but they live in a small town and word goes around faster than lightening, everyone knows that Castiel is gay, some more open to it than others, so when they see him dining with another man they can’t help but let their minds go to work.

“spaghetti bolognaise and a cold beer on the side.” Dean says and gives her a tight lipped smile.

“I’ll have the garlic butter steak and potatoes, and a bottle of chardonnay.” Castiel says and Dean gives him a look but loses it before Cas could notice.

“—and mac and cheese for the little one.” He adds and Anna nods before walking off with  their menus in her hands.

“drinkin' on a school night?” Dean raises a brow and loses it just as fast when he notices the other man's shoulders fall, a sort of pained look on his face.

“I’ve had—” he looks at Jack, his words tying into knots in his throat. God, he feels two seconds away from crying.

“—a long day.” He forces a smile as he looks back at Dean.

“seems like it’s more than just a long day that’s got your panties in a bunch.” Dean speaks and looks over to Jack who’s too focused on the scenery outside to care about the grown up conversation happening just beside him.

“As if you care.” Castiel rolls his eyes and Dean gives him a shrug.

“I don’t. Just curious. So you gonna tell me?” Cas turns to look at Jack and back at Dean, not sure where to begin and how to execute it without letting Jack know that it’s about him.

“Someone’s mother is moving… far away, and they want to take their son with.” He says vague enough for a 6 year old not to understand that it’s about them if they happen to overhear.

“they’re afraid that the lifestyle the father is living will make things hard for the child at some point.” His eyes glows, the tears ready to just flow, but he holds onto whatever little pride he has left and keeps them at bay, swearing that he’s not going to cry, especially not in front of his son and Dean.

Dean nods as he takes it all in, his eyes frowning in pity.

“That sucks.” He doesn’t know what to say so he just says anything.

“wow, thanks for notifying me, I haven’t noticed.” Castiel snaps, his words sarcastic but laced in anger.

Dean doesn’t say anything and before they know it their food arrives.

They eat in silence for a while until Dean speaks again.

“What are you gonna do?” he questions, his eyes on the other man’s, they’re beautiful under the soft lighting in the restaurant but Dean can’t miss how sad they look, glistening  like a river of tears is about to burst through.

“I don’t know. I feel like there’s nothing I can do.” He sets down his fork and knife and gulps down the last bit of alcohol left in his wine glass.

“That’s bullshit, you know that right?” Dean says seriously and Castiel doesn’t know how to reply, feeling hopeless and lost.

“Man, he’s your son, you gotta fight for him even if you think you’re gonna lose the battle. Don’t give up so easily. I swear, it’s exactly what she wants. Now, I don’t know anything about you or her or any of you actually but what I do know is that you’re a damn good father to that kid, and your ‘lifestyle’ doesn’t change any of that.” He adds and takes a sip of his beer.

He hates to admit it but Dean is right. He needs to fight for Jack, even if it means losing the friendship he has with Kelly.

“Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.” He says simply, a ghost of a smile appearing on his face.

They finish up soon after that and by the time they’re done finishing the bottle of wine Castiel regretted buying, Jack had fallen asleep and needed to be carried out of the restaurant and over to the car.

Dean makes sure he’s covered properly in the back seat after laying him down and placing his teddy bear beside him. He closes the door and walks over to the driver’s side of the car, Castiel already buckled up.

“You sure you okay to drive?” Dean questions, his freezing hands stuffed in his pockets.

He nods, too tired to talk. There’s a spark of concern laced on Dean’s expression and he’s torn between letting the man go and driving him home instead.

“how about I drive you home?” he caves, swaying from heel to heel in the cold.

“and just a moment ago you thought I was a responsible dad.” Cas raises a brow and turns his head to face Dean.

“You are, okay. I just wanna make sure you don’t—” Castiel throws him a glare.

“Okay, how about you drive real slow and I’ll be right behind you with my car? Okay, good.” He doesn’t wait for an answer as he slaps Cas on the shoulder and head to his car right after.

Castiel complies, not that he needed to because he’s totally fine but he does it for Dean’s sake.

They reach home about 30 minutes later and Dean pulls into his driveway before heading next door to bid Cas a goodnight—and to really make sure that he’s fine— before heading over to his other neighbours, an elderly couple who promised to look after Miracle while he was at work.