Their sunshine

Chapter 1

I am walking through the park heading to the bridge with my last memory of mum circling in my head.

"Ok, dear. You have to go home, you know the way. You will have to wait sometime, but don't worry, someone will come to get you. I have already prepared for you everything. I am sorry, my dear, but we won't meet again till you are old enough. Shh... Let me talk, after that, you can say something. It's bad to stop someone when they are talking. You must remember, that I am always with you. Every time you feel lonely just think about everything, what we had done together. I will always stay in your heart and will look after you from the sky. I will become one of the stars. You will never be alone. You just have to wait till your time comes to meet me again. Be the sunshine you always were, be nice to people, even when they aren't nice to you, be polite and help people in need of help. Ok? Now give me a kiss."

" But mum, I don't want to leave you. Was I bad? Is that why dad left? Why do you want to leave me too?"

" No, sweetheart. You are my good girl, you didn't do anything. Your mum just can't be here anymore. But I am not leaving you, ok? I will always be with you in your heart. Now give me a hug."

" Bye mummy. I will miss you."

" Bye sweetheart. I will wait for you. Now go home and be a good girl to people, that will take care of you. I love you."

With that five-year-old Anna started to go home. It wasn't a long way home, normally it would take five to ten minutes, but with every step she took, she wanted to take two back. She knew that she would never see her mum again. She was quite intelligent. After some time, she looked back. What she saw, broke her. Her mum was falling from the bridge.

In my hand is a candle. Two years. It has been two years since the day. Now my life is completely different. In the spot, where I am heading, is a man standing. He is sad. His head is looking somewhere in the far, but I know he doesn't even know what he is looking at. He is in his head. The memory of my mum falling is repeating in my mind. I took his hand and said: "Please don't jump."

"Honey, what are you doing here? It's already almost time to go to sleep. Where is your mum?"

"Sir, please don't jump. Everything can be better. I will not let you. I am holding you, so if you try to jump, I would fall with you."

"Ok. I won't. But you have to answer my questions, ok?"

"Only if you will answer mine."

The man nodded and asked: "What are you doing here alone?"

"I wanted to give my mum these flowers."

"Really? That is nice of you but where is she?"

"No, no mister, the agree hmm - oh how was the word?"

"Agreement?"

"Yes, that's it. Thank you. The agreement was that I will answer you and you answer me. Now my question. Why are you sad?"

" Because I did something and now I don't have a reason to be happy. Where is your mum sweetheart? You shouldn't be here at this time."

"My mommy isn't here anymore. She became a star. Can't you take that back? Like if you did something there can be a way to make it wrigh?"

"It's right honey and no. I can't. You know, I had to decide what to do and because of it, my wife died. So no, I can't take it back. Now my question. Where is your dad?"

" My dad is with mummy in the sky waiting for me. Do you have children?"

"Yes, and they hate me. Who is taking care of you? Why are you here alone?"

"The caregivers in the orphanage allowed me to go visit mum. So here I am. Don't you think your children need you?"

"No. After their mum died they just locked themselves in their room and didn't talk to me. My brother and his wife are taking care of them. They don't need me."

"Ok mister. Come on. We will go on swings in the park and have a series talk."

"You mean serious talk?"

"Yeah. Sometimes it's hard for me to find the world I wanted to say."

"Don't worry sweetheart. How old are you? Five? Six? To be honest, you look like four, but you talk very maturely."

"I am seven, mister."

"And what's your name honey?" asked sir while they walked to swings.

"I am Anna. What's your name sir?"

"James King. Look, we are here. Now, what you wanted to talk about."

"Sit down, sir. Don't worry. The swing don't bite. I was here before."

"Fine. But Anna, it's - the swing doesn't bite. Ok?

"Thanks. Now to the problem. Do you really want to die?"

For some time it was quiet, but after a minute he breathed out a small yeah.

"And don't you think that you are selfish? How do you think your children would feel? They just lost their mum!"

"But they hate me and definitely don't need me!"

"Everyone needs their father. Even when they act or talk like they don't they still need you. Look at it from their side. You did something that led to their mother's death. They are angry at you, but they know you did it for a good reason. They just need time to accept it. And tell me. Did you actually try to talk to them or did you just lock yourself in your room and thought about how you miss her and how bad you are and how your children must hate you now? Did you try to show them that you are still here for them or have you left them and thought that your brother can take care of them? Everyone needs their dad. You just have to show them you are strong enough to take your and their pain and still smile and be supportive. They need you to tell them stories of how you met their mum and remind them how she looked like or how her laugh sounded. If you die they would be broken." (Author's note - please try to imagine some mistakes. She is seven. For most children, it's an age when they can pronounce almost everything correct, but have problems with verb's form or finding the right word)

"You are right. I locked myself and sorrowed. Do you think they could ever forgive me?"

"I think, right now they need you by their side. If you show them that you are trying to be a better dad and try to talk to them about your wife, you could be a family they need."

After that sentence, we were just sitting there with our thoughts in silence. Tears streamed down James's cheeks.

"Will you try murder yourself again?"

"No, sweetheart. You've got a point. I have to try to talk to my boys first."

"Yay! It's almost dark. I have to go to mum. Will you be okay alone?"

A smile appeared on my face. I don't care about what punishment is waiting for me in the orphanage. I helped someone today and it's all that matters.

"I will walk you. It could be dangerous for you to stay alone."

Mister James then walked me again to the bridge and after that to the orphanage. We talked all the way. It appeared, he is a very nice person and loves his family dearly. It helped me to calm down a little bit. Maybe today is my lucky day and she didn't notice me missing.