Father First| An Alan Rickman Story

Prologue: Birthday

August 3rd, 1988
     "Next on Entertainment Tonight is Alan Rickman to discuss his breakout film role of Hans Gruber in Die Hard!"

     As Alan Rickman sat in a makeup chair listening to a bubbly brunette talk about his recent performance in Die Hard, he was clearly unfocused on the conversation. He had never been one to have premonitions, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something major was about to happen. What was wrong? What was about to happen? He was running scenarios through his head while nodding pretending to listen to the woman dabbing blush on his face. She had just finished his hair and makeup when the door swung open and a sweaty young man, clearly working as an intern entered.

"Mr. Rickman, you have someone here to see you."

Alan knew something had happened when his long time best friend, Robert, walked in white as a sheet. He didn't say hello, he grabbed Alan's arm and pulled him into the hallway.

"Robert, what are you doing here?!"

"Alan, I didn't want to be the one to explain this to you, but when Makenzie couldn't reach you, she called me." He was speaking tenderly, but his words struck a chord inside his best friend.

     Makenzie was the woman Alan had ended a relationship with 5 months ago. After working together in the theatre, they began seeing each other and had gotten fairly serious when he had gone to her house to surprise her and found her with another man. He hadn't seen or spoken to her since that night. He could feel the anger pulsing through his body again.

"What did she want?!" He snapped.

"Alan, she just gave birth." Robert remained calm, but Alan's heart sank. He knew there was only one reason she'd want to tell him she had given birth, but how could she know it was his baby? It could be the other man's, but that was only 5 months ago. Unless she had been cheating longer than anyone had known about, it couldn't be that man's child.

"She's saying it's mine, isn't she?" His voice trembled when he asked that question. Robert simply nodded yes. Alan continued, "I don't trust her, I will need to know for sure before I commit to anything."

"I know this interview is important and you want to be sure the baby is yours before you jump into being a father, but I think you should let me drive you to the hospital. The baby is really sick. If she's yours, I don't want you to miss out on any time with her just in case." Robert stuck his head inside the makeup room and quickly told them Alan had a family emergency and couldn't stay for the interview. He didn't give them a chance to ask questions he just rushed his friend out the door and to the hospital.

Slightly nauseous, Alan walked into the hospital and told the receptionist his name. He was quickly met by a doctor who explained to him that Makenzie had told them she was not ready to be a mother and fled the hospital less than 24 hours after giving birth. She left him a note he could read later. First, they needed to do a paternity test and they would send it immediately for results. The baby currently had no legal guardians to make her medical decisions. After a quick cheek swab, the doctor led him to a waiting room and handed him the letter from Makenzie.

The letter was brief. She had married the man Alan caught her with and was moving from London to America for a stint on Broadway. Her career was taking off, she wanted to chase it which would make her unable to give the baby the love and attention she needed. He already loathed this woman and it broke his heart to know this baby would not have her mother in her life, but he thought she was doing her best to give the baby the best life possible.

He laid on a hard, uncomfortable couch in the waiting room with the letter clutched in his hand and imagined himself as a father. His mind raced for hours before he was finally able to doze off. He had only been asleep for what seemed like a second when someone nudged his arm to wake him. He jumped when he opened his eyes to a lanky man in a white coat standing above him. He had forgotten he was in the hospital waiting on the results to a paternity test.

"Mr. Rickman, the results of your paternity test came back, you are the father. Since the mother has chosen to leave, you are the child's sole legal guardian."

Alan could feel his face loosing its color as the blood felt like it left his body. The doctor kept speaking for what seemed like an eternity about Alan's rights as a father and the options he had. He wasn't listening at all, he knew what he would do. He had always dreamed of becoming a father, this was far from how he dreamed it, but he was not going to leave his daughter. Daughter. He had a daughter. His mind got caught on this thought, he couldn't really process it.

He was drawn from his trance when the doctor began to explain that the baby was ill because she was addicted to drugs. She wasn't going to die, but she would have a very difficult few months ahead of her as her tiny body suffered withdrawals.

     Makenzie's letter wasn't even close the whole truth. She had done drugs throughout the pregnancy and now the baby was in withdrawals. She didn't choose a career over her child. She wasn't going to Broadway. She got hitched after cheating on Alan and the two of them had made a life doing cheap plays to pay for drugs. She abandoned the baby who coincidentally, didn't start showing withdrawal symptoms until the following day. The nurses had called the police to report drug activity, but did not know how the police handled the situation.

     Truthfully, Alan wasn't worried about what happened to Makenzie. Good riddance, he thought. He tried to avoid thinking further about what she had done. His temper was raging inside, but he knew he needed to be calm when he saw the baby for the first time.
     He pushed his anger as far down as possible as the nurse, Ashley, who had been caring for his daughter took him to the NICU. The baby was in an area away from the other babies. He quickly understood why, she was wailing so loudly she would have disturbed the other babies. He was loosing sensation in his legs and trembling as he walked over to the incubator. He was terrified, yet incredibly giddy to meet his daughter for the first time.

Nothing in his life had prepared him for the way he would feel when nurse Ashley- who's name would inspire his daughter's- placed the screaming baby in his arms. He stared down at the tiny flailing girl in awe. Her face was blood red from crying so hard, but he hardly noticed. He had never been so instantly in love with anything. He gently sat down in a chair that would become his home for the next several weeks as he visited the baby every day. He rocked back and forth slowly until she drifted off to sleep. He spent a while just watching her sleep, allowing the gravity of what had happened to hit him.

     Yesterday, he was one of the world's hottest actors whose entire life revolved around promoting the blockbuster movie he had just been in.

     Today, he had forgotten about acting. Today, he was a father and there in the quiet he whispered to his new daughter a promise to always choose her over his career, to always be a father first.