Black Diamond

30

Normani

I've been driving for about a day and a half now, only stopping for gas, coffee, and snacks. I haven't been noticed yet, thank God, but that's mainly because I stop at night and I wear a hat and sunglasses. No one knows where I am because I left my broken phone back at home and I've been using cash every time I made a stop. The last time I checked I was in Oklahoma City, and I knew that I still had another day worth of driving before I reached my destination. 

While I've been on the road, I've had time to think about everything. Right off top, Matthew is a non-mf'n factor, normally I'm a forgiving person, but fuck that. My life is on the brink of ruin, and it's all on account of him. I should have trusted my gut; I should have been more careful. I hope my mom deals with him, because right now I don't even want to be on the same hemisphere as him. And what hurts the most is everyone thinks I am the villain. I love my mom with everything in me but it seems like ever since I found out who my mother was, even though the good has been fantastic, the bad can get really bad and I feel like I always get the short end of the stick. I have never been this hurt in my entire life, as I have in these past six months and I can't help but to wonder, is it worth it? I've gained eight of the most amazing people to ever know in my life, but kind of like the scripture says, "What would profit a man to gain the world and lose his soul?" that's kind of how I feel, what would profit ME to gain eight amazing people and lose myself? 

So much of my life has been affected now that I've been exposed to the world. I can't go out with my friends like I used to, hell, I can't even go out period, like I used to. And class? Oh my God. I most likely can't go to class without the possibility of getting bombarded by paparazzi and people trying to get all in my business. I start to cry at that realization. I was so close, I only had about two months left in this semester and I had literally one class left next semester before I graduated. I knew that eventually I was going to be revealed to the public, but I wanted it to be on my terms and well after I graduated so nothing would affect my studies, but all of that's gone to hell now. When I'm in a better headspace I'm going to have to email all of my advisors and professors to see if I can just send in all of my work online or something, because nothing is coming in between me and my degree. I'm also going to need a bodyguard now, because it won't be safe for me to be out by myself now. I groaned, see this is why I wanted to remain a secret. I could have gone my whole life without the public ever knowing about me, I would have been just fine.

I know everyone is probably worried sick about me. It's been almost two straight days since anyone has seen or heard from me, I know Z and Ryan are worried sick, and I know my mom has probably tried to reach me the moment she heard, but of course she couldn't, since I threw my phone at a wall. By now everyone should know I'm gone and they're probably worried sick, but right now I just want to be by myself. I'm not ready to face the music, I'm not ready to handle this. I know running away was not the right way to handle this, but like my dad said, I'm a fight or flight type of person and in this case, flight now, fight later. When I'm ready, I'll reach out to everyone and let them know I'm ok, but until then, I don't want to be found. 

13 hours later...

I'm finally in Atlanta and after a long two and a half days of driving, traffic jams, and pit stops, I pulled into the driveway of a house I haven't been to since I was a little kid. I considered this place my safe haven, the people inside have always shown me great love and care, and when I was with them, I felt like nothing bad in the world existed, and nothing bad could ever happen to me. It was around 10 at night and I knew everyone was probably... hopefully still awake. I got out and went to the front door and rang the doorbell a few times. 

After a few minutes I heard a grumpy voice on the other side yell, "If you selling girl scout cookies, we don't want any, and if you're a Jehovah's witness, we are Christians and filled with the blood of Jesus."