I Pretended That I Have An Amnesia

Chapter 3

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It was 2 years ago since I fail and been broken because of love.

Since that day I gave up on the word love.

I have never let anyone enter my world, my only me world or even take any help from anyone.

I have never let anyone break down these walls I built again since that day.

I made a mistake before and I will never do that again.

I've made up my mind that maybe things are really ain't how we want it to be everytime. If that's about to happen then let it be.

And in my case, if I'm meant to be alone then its better for me to let it be.
I don't need anyone else to break my trust, fail me and break me more.
I've recovered up from that break up and its not easy.

I sarcastically laughed on my own thought as I drunk the left bottle of light beer on my hand.

I'm currently at my comfort place.
It's a cliff. Where you can see the lights of the whole city.

You can see the brightly shining stars on their own way together with the moon.
And the breeze of cold wind that makes me feel more alone.
In the middle of the dark drinking while sitting at the front of my car.

I got this heavy feeling I can't get rid of. And I know I'll just have to let this all out so that's what I'm gonna do.
I'm all alone here tho. Who else would know. No one would see. No one would hear.

'Cause no one cares.

I took a deep breath as I exhaled afterwards and shouted.

"FVCK TRUST, FVCK BROKEN HEARTS, FVCK SOCIETY, FVCK PEOPLE, FVCK THIS FREAKIN' THING CALLED LOVE!!" I paused as I took another deep breath.

"YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH. STOP BEING SO FVCKIN' TOXIC. I'VE HAD ENOUGH. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG. I CAN'T FIND ANY REASON TO BE CHEATED OR WHY I DESERVE THIS FREAKIN' SHIT CALLED BETRAYAL. I'M MEANT TO BE ALONE? OKAY, I GET THAT. SO JUST FVCK OFF!!" I was panting as I am catching my breath.

I felt a tear that dropped on my right cheek and another one on my left cheek. I wiped it as I sarcastically laughed.

If someone could see me now, they might think I'm crazy. And so what? I stopped caring about anyone. I talked to myself.

This has been me at my whole life.
I have my own question and answer it myself. I talk to myself and talk back to myself. 'Cause who else would I talk to? I don't have anyone now. That guy I had before has failed me and I won't let that happen again.

I'm still crying as I pleaded.

"Please, just get away from me. I'm too tired from crying these 2 whole  years. Let me just rest please." I wiped my last tear as I let out a loud convincing breath.

"After this night. I won't cry again. Tonight is the last night You can see me down, filled with sadness and letting out the last piece of my broken heart." I paused and took a deep breath for the nth time.

"No one would see me crying again."I stopped and cried all my tears out. I'm missing my parents more.
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