The Best Thing I Ever Did

One step forward two step backward

4 months later.

It's been a month but still, it feels like yesterday. My heart still aches for you, it's still you Jennie. My first week become my worst week, I go home every night drunk, wasted. I was so embarrassed at Jeongyeon who was always there for me. She didn't leave my side at all, when im drunk she's also drunk. She also takes a leave from her work that makes me feel guilty by dragging her with my messy mind. But in Jeongyeon's words.

"I will not have it another way. I will be at ease knowing what's happening to you. It hurts me to see you like that, but that's why im here as your best friend. Besides, it's my company, meaning my rules. Let's take time okay?"

She was with me every day, every night. We will drink, then I will cry. I will call your name, but of course, you're not there. I also came to question my decision, because it hurt so much. But the more I think about it the more I came to my sense that we're not really for each other. That maybe we are just two souls that happen to meet in this lifetime. Jeongyeon helps me big time, she decides to fly outside the country. Because I one time said that it's suffocating just the thought that were breathing the same air.

So, the next day Jeongyeon booked us the earliest flight to Japan. That happen to have another branch of her company. Hitting two birds in one stone, Jeongyeon gets a hold of her business while helping me out. I also took a long leave and planning to give up my job for me to move on. With a heavy heart, the company im working at accepts my resignation, saying the best for me to have.

It was all working well despite taking a hard and heavy step. Slowly trying to move on from you. It takes time and a sleepless night.

6 months after.

And here I thought that finally, I manage to get a step forward, but found myself curled up in my bed while Jeongyeon was trying to comfort me by hugging me and rubbing my back.

I just heard the news about you, not directly about you but Kai. Rumor spread that he's dating someone, the news also has a blurred picture attached. But even though it was blurred I know it's you. Every single detail about you, I knew it. Even your back, your side I think even your shadow. You leaning your head against his shoulder, while sitting on a bench near a park. He was planting a soft kiss on top of your head, with his mask below his chin exposing his face you're looking up to him though your face was blurred I knew it was you.

The moment the screen flashes the news, the pain came back to me rushing. I find myself having difficulty in breathing because of too much crying. Im doing well right? So why is the hell im crying here like someone died?

Oh yeah because it is.

Because the moment I leave you, a part of me already died.

I tried hitting up to any woman I can find. While trying to forget you, I made my night eventful and somehow wish to help me, by drinking in a bar that I and Jeongyeon became regular. We stayed in Japan and didn't have any plan when to come back. I tried pushing Jeongyeon to get her life back in Korea but my best friend was so hardheaded to even let me alone. Also, in the past few months, I cut my connection to everyone. Our mutual friends and even my parents. They still didn't know my reason, but manage to tell me that they also there for me and will wait for me when I tell them I need time.

I was so lost without you, Jennie. There's no time in my life that I didn't think about you, about us. About what goes wrong with us. I get this habit of daydreaming about us when im alone, or when Jeongyeon was not around to accompany me. I can still remember our past, the happy moment that we have, all of it I treasure in my heart. As they said, think about the happy side until the bad side disappears. You didn't do me wrong, instead, you stayed with me as you think it's right. I know somehow in your life, you loved me. And that's the thing I was thankful for. Your love was the greatest blessing that I received, and in the future when I finally have the strength, I will tell you that.