My War Is Over (Original Unfinished Version)

Chapter Twenty-Two

Once onboard upon the vessel with which Tony had called Mothership, Loki feels the nerves he had shoved down as soon as the glaring face of the Son of Fury had appeared on the screen resurface. He's seated in one of the leather-clad chairs Tony had all but shoved him into before retreating quickly to the cockpit of the vessel and directing it to wherever they were going with the help of the Ceiling Ghost which Tony had explained could follow them everywhere. It dawns on Loki that he actually has no idea where they were going or what they were going to do when they got there. He clenches his fists, trying to will his hands to stop shaking so hard.

They don't.

Tony, I know they're wrong, but you can't fight against SHIELD. You'll lose.

Bruce's words ring loud and painful in his ears and he rises swiftly, beginning to pace the belly of the plane and wringing his hands as he moves. I can't go back. I can't go back. I can't go back. Please, Tony, don't make me go back, please, please, please, I'll be better, I promise, please, Thor-

The warm hands on his face startle him and Loki yelps, jerking away from them and raising an arm to defend himself.

"It's just me," Tony's voice is soft and his eyes are sad, he reaches for Loki's hand who all too willingly provides it, a childish indulgence that brings more comfort than embarrassment and he can't bring himself to give it up. I need my magic back. I won't be so utterly defenseless with its return. If it even can return. 

"Breathe, Loki." Tony murmurs, the use of his real name snaps his focus back to Tony's chocolatey-brown eyes, shining with concern. He's faintly aware that he's breathing rather harshly, and Tony looks like he's going to ask him questions, ask for information that Loki wants nothing more than just to forget, forget the pain and forget the terror, forget it all please, I just want to forget everything.

"Shouldn't you be flying your ship?" Loki pants and Tony's gaze flashes with something too quickly for Loki to read.

"JARVIS can do that. He's installed in Mothership too."

"Your Ceiling Ghost is everywhere." Loki forces himself to let go of Tony's hand, stumbling away towards the windows. They're above the clouds now, high above New York City. He presses trembling fingers to the glass, thick and frigid to the touch. It's a long way down.

"Loki." Tony's voice is suddenly much closer and he flinches despite himself again, tearing his gaze from the clouds and back to the inventor, who had crossed the ship and was now only a mere couple feet away from his shoulder. "I don't like that look." What look?

"I'm fine." he hears himself say, detached from his body, a foreign voice speaking while he flounders for some form of solid ground and it's too familiar of a feeling. He jerks away, only barely noticing Tony jump at the sudden movement. I have to get out.

"I need you to relax, Snowflake," comes Tony's voice again, and the inventor is taking his hands in his own. "No jumping out of windows, okay?"

"It's too short a fall to kill me anyway." Loki finds himself murmuring, and Tony looks a little sick.

"How do you know...oh." he trails off, and Loki figures that Thor must have told them of his fall on the Bifrost, or maybe he did, he can't exactly remember. The noise in his head is too loud. He can't stop thinking about Thor and his hands won't stop shaking. I'm not safe, I'm not safe here, I'm not-

"Yes, yes you are." They're seated now, Loki realizes, on the leather chairs, and Tony is still holding onto his hands. He must have spoken out loud.

"Shit, I'm sorry I didn't tell you the plan, Snowflake. But you're safe, we're safe. I practically control them, SHEILD is messing with the wrong guy." He's lying, comes the sickly whisper in his head that Loki isn't sure whether to believe or not.