My War Is Over (Original Unfinished Version)

Chapter Eleven

"Loki," the great booming voice is unforgettable, it haunts his mind, plages his dreams, rattles inside his skull, and Oh Gods had that awful machine that screamed at him every time his useless heart beat and preserved his unwanted life still been connected Loki was sure it would have been an endless wail whispering of the terror that Thor's voice drives into his soul.

He's still curled onto his side, eyes shut; pretending to be asleep. Tony and Bruce had entered the infirmary perhaps an hour ago, and if they know Loki is faking unconsciousness they haven't said anything.

"Hello, Thor," The Son of Banner's voice has a cool undertone to it, as though angry with the god, and Stark remains silent.

"I wish to speak with my brother," Thor booms again. His voice is suddenly much closer but before Loki can consider this there's a warm hand on his shoulder and his sanity fades away into an ice-cold panic.

There are hands, everywhere; touching him, ripping him apart, limb by limb, scratching, stabbing, burning. They want his blood and they're getting it. His skin is sticky with it, creating his own lube as they abuse his insides. Never gentle. Never stopping. Never-ending. Water is filling his lungs and he can hear screaming but he can't tell if it's the sound of his own agonized cries or not. Everything is hot, too hot too hot too hot, they're burning him, he's a being of the cold and he hates that but it's true and they're gonna kill him. Suddenly Loki is aware that he's the one screaming; screaming for death, pleading for it, begging for it, wishing with every fiber of his being that it would take him from this hell, cradling him in its embrace and delivering him to Helheim where perhaps he might finally be safe.

But as he begs and prays for death a new voice reaches his ears and he's momentarily distracted by words such as "motor oil in my fucking smoothie can you believe that Lokes?" and suddenly he's very aware that someone is talking to him. But that can't be right because no one ever spoke to him when they played with him; only Thanos did and never like this new voice. As he listens to it the noise in his head is fading, no one is touching him; his back isn't pressed against a wooden board it's pressed against a wall, his wrists aren't restrained; they're gripping his hair,  his eyes are closed not open and the noise is suddenly gone, it's just the new voice telling him now about something called a "fucking sprinkler system" and how it soaked the voice to the bone and the voice is gentle, soft but also concerned and understanding. Now it's asking him very tenderly to "please open your eyes" and so Loki does to find it's Tony Stark who's crouching beside him. Tony Stark who smiles very gently at him and tells him he's safe and the look in his dark chocolate eyes makes Loki feel special and loved. He knows he doesn't deserve that but he wants it so badly and suddenly he's crying. 

"Can I touch you?" Tony's voice is quiet and Loki finds himself nodding despite everything because Tony believed him, held him before, and told him of his own traumas. Loki feels like maybe, just maybe Tony understands the noise inside his head. He's making Loki feel safe, even if it's just for a moment, and he needs that, so badly, so when warm arms wrap around him, pulling him very gently to a warm chest and hold him as if he were something fragile that needed to be protected, Loki falls apart in Tony's arms. He cries and cries and cries until the room is dark and even when his tears subside when his shaking grows quiet Tony still holds him until his eyes drift close into the first true dreamless sleep he's had in years.