Wish me Goodbye

Prologue

     I could see pitch black, only pitch black. I have been seeing nothing ever since I was 5. Such an awful way to live.

My name is Skylar, I'm 16 now. My boyfriend, Mike, is the only one who can accompany me everywhere I go right now. It only seems like I'm bothering him. He's missing so much in life right now because of me.

I'm such a disappointment. I'm practically nothing but weights to hold on to, but not worth a while, only to let go quickly because of the heaviness. I could feel myself tear up inside with all these thoughts drowning over me. The negativities washing over me, telling me I'm not worthy to have this nice man.

I flinched with the sudden caress on my face. "Don't cry." I hear a soothing tone of voice, it was Mike, trying to comfort me right now.

It's embarrassing for him to see me at this state. Though he usually sees me like this everyday. I try to calm myself down by thinking positive thoughts on myself: Mike loves me, that's why he's doing this to me right now. He would've not asked me out if he wasn't interested. But right now I'm lucky to have a guy like Mike.

It's impossible to accept these kinds of thoughts but I'm for sure that these are true. No matter what negative thoughts you fight back, these positive ones always comes back with a truthful meaning to it.

"It makes me cry if you cry." He said, his voice shaking, I could feel his hand intertwined with mine and hugged me.

"I'm sorry." I said, to nothing. "I'm so selfish, I shouldn't be thinking about these kind of thoughts."

"What kind of thoughts?" He asked, in a very sad tone. "Am I a bad boyfriend?" He teased in a still very sad tone.

"No! Don't say that..." My voice faded away and I could feel myself starting to cry again. "I don't want you to say that...!"

He hugged me tighter, a hug I wish to be in forever. "I was joking, I wouldn't say something like that. I love you.." He finally said, still hugging me tightly in his arms.

~

Mike is someone I met when I was 6. One year after I turned blind. I can only hear things, but my parents once mentioned about new neighbours, someone moving in next door, a son and all that.

I didn't care at all. I was a careless child, and that's, maybe, how I got blind in the first place. Or because my Grandmother was a blind and my Mother was a short-sighted person. Either way, I'm a science geek and I don't wanna bother anyone with explanations.

My parents gave me a piggy back ride all the way to- I don't know, but when I was assuming at the new neighbours' house. And I was correct. I could hear my parents greeting to the new neighbours and introduced themselves, especially me. They too did the same and finally introduced Mike.

I have never seen Mike's face but it never matters to me. I never thought I'd be Mike's future girlfriend. I don't even know if he's mocking me outside of this horrific color of blackness. But only with his words, I can already feel he means it. All of it.

My parents went inside the neighbours' house and was adored by the tiny doll collection. It seems that Mike's parents love making tiny cute dolls, not the creepy ones they said.

They described me their dolls: Blonde, red chestnut shiny hair with goldilocks, different colored skintones, many different colored dresses such as red, pink, blue, purple, brown, white, and more. Lastly, their big bow at the back of their head which contains, again, many different colors.

I could use my imagination to imagine these sorts of things. I got used to it fairly quickly because of my big imaginative head. I could feel a pat on my head.

"So Skylar, do you like anything to eat?" A woman asked, who is actually Mike's Mother, in a sweet lovely tone of voice.

"No," I replied sheepishly, "but I would like something to drink! Will chocolate milk be ok?"

"Oh, it's ok." She reassured. Sound of footsteps leaving and fading away every second. Then I hear footsteps coming towards me again. But it was all silent. Neither of us talked, so I raise my head up and said hello. No one said anything for a while, then a cute little boy's voice was heard right in front of me.

"Why are you staring up the ceiling?" He asked.

I was embarrassed, I actually thought it was a grown up. "Oh, here you are. I thought you are tall." I replied.

He said nothing once again, I broke the silence. "You must be Mike!" I waved my hands, unknown where his presence may actually be. Is he near me? Far from me? Is he the same height as me or a little small? But I waved my hands by my side, shoulder level.

Then he commented something that broke my heart that year, "Don't you blink? You keep looking at me like that. Your weird. Are you blind?"

Those questions broke my heart. I didn't respond because of my heart, it can't take it. I also didn't want to cry in front of a strange boy. So I just smiled, not knowing what to say. The silence was once again broken by heavy footsteps from my Dad.

"Yes she is sweetie," He said, to this so called boy Mike.

Dad then whispered to my ear, "I'm sorry honey, I didn't expect him to ask those questions."

I turn to him, my smile widen, "Don't worry Dad, it doesn't affect me!" I reassured him, happily, but inside, I was about to cry.

I don't know what happened that turned me blind. But I'm just a little girl. I was a good girl. I didn't do anything bad. So why did I deserve this? Is it that God hate me? He doesn't like my existence? Was I a mistake to him? All those negative thoughts happened out of nowhere. All I could do is cry inside and be happy on the outside.

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"The only thing worse
than being blind is having
sight but no vision."

-Helle Keller