Marauders One Shots

Dear Sirius (S.B. / LE) [drabble]

Dear Sirius,

As the poets would write, you are half of me. You have been since Third Year; from the minute you knocked ink all over my Charms notes, to the last night we spent together without truly realising it would be our last.

I've only had to write this letter five times – one for each year you have been in Azkaban. At this time of year, emotions are too high, and I struggle to cope. Writing them down helps. After all, how can I be whole with you so far away?

Five years you have been away; I can't even bare to think of the place, of what you might be going through. It makes my stomach turn and my eyes water. It has been five years since I lost half of me; since you were arrested so quickly. Every time I think of that night, I'm not only upset for James and Lily, for baby Harry, but also for us. I feel half a heart without you here, as if all that I was, was because of you and your love.

We almost had it all, Sirius. We almost had everything. Of course, I do not believe you did it. I believe in your innocence with every single bone in my body. You would never betray James; I was there when he took you in after you ran away from your family.

We almost had it all. I knew about the ring, by the way. You aren't as sly as you once thought. Hiding it in your sock drawer when I'm the one to put away the washing – real smart, my darling.

It would have been a yes. No matter how you asked me, it would always be a yes. I could never say no to you, Sirius, not at Hogwarts and not after. Marrying you would be the greatest thing I would do in this life. Sharing a life with you would be an honour. I have loved you since we were Third Years barely understanding the world but wanting to discover it together, and I love you now as a witch living in a Muggle town. I'm practically Miss Havisham from Great Expectations minus the wedding dress. I wander around the house, waiting for the love of my life to return but knowing that he won't.

I couldn't stay after what happened. I had to get away, I'm sure you would understand. I packed our things, and I left, and I haven't looked back. Why would I? You were my past, present, and future. The day they took you away it ended. I shunned that world, and I know I should have stayed for Harry with us being his godparents, but Dumbledore assured me he would be looked after. Forgive me for that, Sirius, please. One day, I will return to the wizarding world. When? I'm not sure, but I will.

It seems silly, but life without you has been hard. We had been in each other lives since Third year; in a relationship since Fifth Year. We had plans; a future all mapped out. After that night in Godric's Hollow, nothing has been the same and all plans were wiped out. Just like that, in one evening. It was like having to start my entire life again, but you had been there for so long, I didn't know what to do. I'm sure you've had an adjustment period too (putting it lightly); I can't help but cry a little whenever I think of you in that place – I think of it a lot though, I cry a lot too now even five years down the line.

I have felt like half a person since that fateful day, and I will still be half a person when I write a similar letter on this date next year.

Half a heart, always with you.