Surrendering

Chapter 4

I pace back in forth in my living room trying to calm my heart beat. Another nightmare. It's all his fault.

The nightmares are so realistic. Too real. The feeling of my body being awake but still experiencing the nightmare. I feel it all. Every slap, every violation on my body, every un-wanted kiss on me. From him. From everyone who ever touched and hurt me in my past, I relive it in my dreams and it drives me almost to insanity. Then the need to stay awake is strong and I go days with no sleep. I stay awake and draw and paint. To come down from my attacks.

Now it seems pacing wasn't helping.

"Clear your mind Adrian. Think. Think. Think about anything." I mumble to myself. Suddently I feel my mind drifiting to the man I met at the club.

I think about the power that radiated from his body. How his stare was intense and focused souly on me and concentrated only on me. How my name rolled off his tongue and sounded like soft silk when he spoke it. I know he was watching me when I directed my show. I felt his eyes watching me. Then my mind drift into a different direction.

Someday I want to dance for him under the strike of a whip. I want him to sit in a chair in front of me and direct a show for him to enjoy. I felt my body get hot at the thought. The feeling of a whip coming down onto your flesh was a euphoric feeling. A different kind of high.

I sat down on my couch and grabbed a sketch pad. I begin to draw my show as my mind saw it. The thought of being chained helpless and him have all the power of me  was taking over my body. I was to hot. My body was beginning to glisten in a layer of sweat and my heart was pounding for a different reason.

I closed my eyes and let my mind travel to the dark place it goes too. The place my body desires.

I want Dewayne. I want him to master over me. He was everything I feared now. The fear of letting someone control me again was huge. But Dewayne controlling me appealed more to me now, more than anyone else had over the years. Now I crave it from him. I want his hands to pull my hair back and force me to look at him. I need his lips to kiss every inch of my body and his teeth to bite my flesh. My hand travels down my body softly, almost like a whisper of a touch and I begin to tease myself. My breathing becomes uneven and I let my thoughts go deeper.

I was almost jealous of Bella for being the one to get whipped, I wish it was me in her place. Pain is what helps me forget my twisted past and it's a high I am addicted too.  It's something that I can't explain but it is something that can be taken down the wrong path as well, something that I have experienced.

I bet Dewayne was an artist of it though. His hands spanking me if I displeased him and pleasuring me if I made him proud. Kneeling at his feet and him petting my head praising me. I want him to spank me with his black leather belt he wore at the club. His belt would wrap around my flesh burning, pleasuring me to the fullest.  His large hands with rub across my welted flesh softly; and his lips will kiss each mark, his marks, and his hands will wrap around my aching member. The pleasure and the pain mixed into one will bring me to highest of high and I will release into his hand.

My back arches off the sofa and I open my eyes to my room spinning. Spots decorate my vision and my clothes are clinging to my body from sweat. My breathes are fast and uneven and I close my eyes and try to calm my breathes.

Never have I had a climax that intense from a fantasy. That man has done something to me already. I need to see him again. I need to be his, even if it is just for a little while.
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Phhheewwwww !!! A small little update for you guyyysss !!! I hope you enjoy and remember toooo...
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