Sweet Penelope

Phantasm

I sat down at my desk and turned on the lamp. I was tired, mentally and physically. I had thought mostly good thoughts that day, even with Penelope on my mind. I thought more of our sweet memories than my filthy regrets. It was relieving for my mind. I was unsure of what to write in my journal, most of the pages were filled with nasty, negative thoughts. I kept today's entry positive, I wrote about meeting Penelope after class, swinging with her on the swing set, giving birthday hugs, and watching her draw. Seeing her smile and throwing her hand up when she was being sassy. I smiled to myself. I missed her, but I was so lucky to have her. I turned my lamp off and climbed into bed.

I felt the darkness climb over me, and smother me, as if a demon had put it's clammy hand over my mouth and pushed down with all of its might. It grabbed my hair, the same way Daniel had and it slammed into the wall. My head ached and the demon laughed into my face, and started dragging me by my legs. I wasn't in Kirk's home anymore, I was being dragged down the hallway of Cheryl and Thomas' upstairs. The demon stopped suddenly and sat me up. I rubbed my head and looked ahead of me. It was Penelope, standing at the end of the hall. She was in her yellow dress, her blonde hair was braided and she was looking down at her feet. I could hear her softly crying and I slowly stood up. "Penny..." She looked up at me. "Mason, why did you let me go?" I frowned. "No, it wasn't like that. No, I didn't have a choice, I didn't ever want to let go. You know this." She shook her head and began to weep into her hands. "No, you let me go. You didn't fight for me like you said you would!" I sighed. "Penny, I did! I fight for you every single day, but I am also fighting a demon." I ran to her and as I went to pull her into a hug, she disappeared. I started screaming her name, screaming worthless apologies and I fell to my knees.

Kirk was shaking me. It was still dark in my room and I woke up in a sweat. I breathed heavily and felt that my cheeks were wet with tears. Kirk pulled me into a hug and I cried into his shoulder. "It felt so real." He rubbed my back. "It wasn't. You're here safe with me." I nodded. "She was mad at me, Kirk." He gently pulled away and shook his head. "She would never be mad at you. I know you were a perfect brother to her. The Penelope in your nightmares isn't the same Penelope you knew and loved." I wiped my eyes. "Looks like just like her, and sounds just like her. She was yelling and crying, she was upset that I let her go." Kirk wiped a tear from my cheek. "You can't change what you can't control. It's not your fault, none of this. That wasn't Penelope." I nodded again. "And deep down, I know that. But, they're so real. What if she is mad at me? I heard that before you enter afterlife you go into purgatory, what if that's what I saw?" Kirk shook his head. "You believe in an afterlife?" I shrugged. "I really want to. But, no I don't." He rubbed his beard. "I used to. Look, wherever she may be, she is at peace. She's not angry with you, Mason. She is so incredibly proud of you. The being in your nightmare is false, it's trickery." I looked at him, as I could tell he was starting to get emotional himself. "What made you stop believing?" Kirk looked down and sighed. "My wife. She passed away about eleven years ago in a car accident. I let go of the faith that I had. God doesn't care too much if he leaves us in constant pain with no help, no insight or reasoning. Then, I see your situation and I disbelieve more and more." I touched his shoulder and his eyes began to water. "Kirk, I am so sorry. What was her name? I'd like to hear about her." He smiled and tears started to run down his cheeks. "Elizabeth, her name was Elizabeth. We were high school sweethearts. We have one kid together, his name is Joseph. But, he don't want nothing to do with me anymore. Losing his mom almost killed him, he picked up on drugs something awful. He lives in Georgia, as far as I know, and he's been keeping sober. He calls and asks for money every now and then. I wasn't invited to his wedding, and apparently I have two granddaughters, but I'm not meant to meet them. I don't know why he hates me, sometimes I think he blames me for Elizabeth. She was beautiful, she had short curly black hair and the bluest eyes. She loved to go hiking and kayaking, we did that together a lot." Kirk wiped his eyes and I hugged him tightly. "I love you, I want you to know that. You have showed me so much kindness and I am sorry you haven't got much in return. I hope I've kept you company at least." Kirk smiled through his tears. "I love you too, kid. You're a great boy. You better get some rest, well, we both better. We got some work in the morning." I nodded. "Yeah, you're right. Goodnight." He stood up and walked to the door. "Goodnight. If you need me, you know where I'm at."

I had never thought I'd see the day when Kirk broke down and cried in front of me. He was tough and intimidating. Sometimes I forget we all have personal battles to fight. I wasn't sure if he ever planned on telling me, but then again, I didn't really plan on telling him about Penelope. He had been running this farm all alone for the past eleven years, and I had no idea how he managed. I already looked up to Kirk, but now I idolized him and considered him my best friend.