Sweet Penelope

I love you?

Allison found herself a new job within a couple of weeks. I still regretted punching her old boss, but maybe it was worth it. While she worked, I cleaned her apartment and started reading books again. She had a bookshelf in her bedroom full of books, and my mind demanded to be busy. Escaping into other realities really calmed me and eased my dark thoughts. So, when Allison's apartment was spotless, I would read. I thought about getting a job but I wasn't sure if my mind would let me and I was too afraid to try.

When Allison got home, she gave me a big hug. "Thank you for cleaning. It smells so good in here." I smiled. "Of course, it's no problem." We had never officially declared ourselves as a couple, but we felt and acted like one. We kissed, and we said "I love you" on a daily basis. She also allowed me to sleep in her bed, and we fell asleep in each others arms most of the time. She was so incredibly special to me. Penelope was my favorite person in the entire world until I met Allison, though they were incomparable and the love I felt for Allison was much different. Allison was my savior, and I almost wanted to drop everything and marry her now. Almost.

That night, Allison slept peacefully in my arms, but I couldn't fall asleep. Daniel was eroding my thoughts. I felt stupid. My goal was to hunt him down and kill him but now I was deeply in love. I couldn't put Allison above Penelope, could I? I didn't regret loving Allison, but why did she love me? I dragged her into my messed up life. She read my journal, she knows I want to kill a man. But she hasn't mentioned it and I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. I didn't want anyone else involved, especially someone so pure. I knew I couldn't let Daniel get away. Penny wasn't his only victim and I knew that. I couldn't be selfish, but I couldn't hurt Allison.

It was three in the morning and I still couldn't sleep. I gently lifted Allison's head and laid it on the pillow, careful not to wake her. I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I cried quietly into my hands. I knew I had to let something go but I didn't know which one was more important and I felt awful for feeling that way. How could I be such an awful person? It would break my heart more to let her go, she'd eventually get over me, right?    I looked over at my duffel bag, thinking of the pistol laying inside of it. What if I just put it to my own head? Nothing would ever bother me anymore and I wouldn't have to make the decision. I shook the thought from my head, knowing I would kill Allison along with myself and Daniel would get away. I promised Penelope I would go to the ends of the Earth for her, so why was I struggling?

I heard her get out of bed and she gently touched my shoulder. "Mason, what's wrong?" I stood up and held her hands in mine. "Nothing. I just couldn't sleep." Allison looked deep into my eyes and frowned. "You've been crying." I sighed. "Just a bad night, Ally." She caressed my cheek. "What's going on?" I needed to be honest with her but it broke my heart to tell her. "Look, you remember that part in my journal where I said I was going to find that son of a bitch and kill him?" She nodded. "Yeah, but you weren't serious, were you?" I frowned. "Uh, yeah...everything I wrote was serious." Allison removed her hands from mine. "What? Mason, that's idiotic." Her reaction hurt me, but what else did I expect? "It's not idiotic, Allison. Live one day in my shoes and you'd understand." She shook her head. "Your sister wouldn't want this. She would want you to stay strong and move on, I'm not asking you to forget but I am asking you to forgive this monster. She'd want that." I pushed Allison's hair behind her ear. "You didn't know Penelope. You wouldn't know what'd she want. Plus, it's more for me. I refuse to forgive him, he doesn't deserve my damn mercy." Allison was starting to cry. "Really? You're willing to rot in prison for this? To let all of this go?" I nodded. "For my little sister? Yes."