Why do you love me? | TSUKIHINA

it shouldve been me

hinatas pov
i sat in the blank white hospital room crying to my mum about all my problems. i felt bad for dumping all this information on her while shes in this state but i had to let it out somehow. i told her how i couldve handled the situation better.

last night, after i caught kageyama and yamaguchi, i just yelled my lungs out at them and lashed out on everyone else who communicated with me. i didnt tell anyone and i hope tsukishima didnt either. at least i now know why he was acting weird yesterday. now everyones mad at me. the only person who i can talk to is my mum and well- shes in a coma.

i was ranting to my mum about how life is so trash right now, and how i wanted her to gain consciousness again, and at that moment it was like my prayers had been answered.

my mums arm started twitching. a huge smile grew on my face but then fell again as i noticed that her movements had become more similar to what one would have during a seizure.

i pressed the red button on the hospital bed, signalling to the nurses that something was happening to the patient in room 304. two nurses rushed in and quickly transported her into ICU. unfortunately they dont allow children under the age of 18 into the intensive care unit.

i just sat in one of the chairs outside, waiting with stress being the only feeling 'available'.

the two nurses came out and i abruptly stood up to talk to them.

"unfortunately..." they started off. "your mother has passed away." i instantly broke down into tears. this was all my fault. my fault for being born on the same day of a shooting on the streets. i dont deserve to live. it shouldve been me not her.

i raced back home not knowing what to say to natsu when i reach there, but i guess i didnt have to. the moment i opened the door, i hugged natsu so tight it was possible to cut off someones blood circulation.

"i love you natsu and know that ill never leave you alone." we then cried in each others arms until she fell asleep.

that night, i couldnt sleep at all. i just couldnt wait for volleyball practice tomorrow. i dont care if they all hate me, i just want to do the one thing that gives me joy.