The Phoenix Archer ∞ Peter Pevensie

ii. | E I G H T E E N

✧

N E R I S S A

"Since when do we keep secrets from each other, huh?" Edmund's voice startles me.

I look up to see him leaning against the frame of me and Peter's bedroom door.

"He told you," I state because there's no questioning what's the cause to the sombre look on Edmund's face.

He nods as he takes a step into the room, "How long have you known?"

"Since Lucy brought me back." I reply, "Do they know? Lucy and Susan?"

"Not that know of." He says, "If somebody's told them, it isn't me."

The thought of telling either of them makes my heartache. Lucy would be gutted. Out of all of them, she's the one who was most in tune with her emotions.

"I won't tell them if you don't want me to. But I think you should be the one to tell them. They need to hear it from you."

I jerk my chin in a nod, "How's Peter?"

"Heartbroken." He answers simply.

The words are like a stab to my chest and I unconsciously raise a hand to rub at the area above my heart, hoping it'll help soothe the ache.

"I know how it sounds." I let out a self-deprecating laugh, "Wanting to die. It feels selfish. But I'd rather die now than give Peter hope and not go through with it. Because it's going to happen, Ed. I'm going to die. There's no fixing this."

"You haven't even tried to fix it yet." He argues.

"You know, the days leading up to Jed's death- as sudden as it was- he told me it feels like his end is coming. I shrugged it off, because how do you even know? But I get it now."

"Nerissa, it can't end like this."

I swallow the lump that forms in my throat, "I wish I wouldn't too. But there's no cheating fate."

"And what if death isn't meant to be your fate?"

"Then, it'll all work itself out eventually." I offer him a sad smile.

"Aren't you afraid?"

I shrug before shaking my head, "I've seen what life has to offer me. I've lost and I've loved. That's enough for me."

"What about Peter?"

His question hits me square in the gut and I blink back the tears that burn at the back of my eyes.

"At this point, staying wouldn't be fair to Peter. My condition's only going to get worse, Edmund. I won't have him stuck with looking after me when he has a whole life to live."

A knock on the door pulls my focus away from Edmund and I turn to see Peter in the doorway.

"Do you mind, Ed?"

I expect Edmund to say something snarky in return, but instead, the younger boy simply nods before taking his leave.

"Peter, I-"

My words are cut short when Peter closes the space between us, pulling me into his arms and claiming my lips.

I'm taken aback at first, and then I melt into his arms. My lips move against his, a familiar warmth blooming in my chest and setting my nerves on fire.

I sigh into his lips as he kisses me, his lips telling me what words could never even begin to convey. When he kisses me, it feels like I'm the only one that matters, like we're the only ones on this Earth.

He presses his lips to my forehead the moment they part with mine.

"I'm sorry, my darling." He mutters.

I shake my head, struggling to keep the tears that threaten to spill over at bay. "Don't be."

"I love you," Peter's lips peppers kisses across my face as if he's trying to burn my features into his mind and trying to memorise the way I feel under them. "No matter what happens, I always will. You're the ocean that keeps pulling me in, my darling. There'll never be anyone else that could take your place. I'll never love anyone like I love you."

His words set my soul on fire, making my heart soar just like the first time he'd muttered those three little words and every other time in between. But at the same time, they're like a vice-grip that has settled around my heart, squeezing until it threatens to explode because this isn't what I want for him.

If today was my last, I would want him to move on. I would want him to find someone and fall in love all over again. To feel like he has the world at his fingertips, to feel alive, just like how he makes me feel just by loving me. And though the thought of him falling in love and possibly building a family with someone else makes me feel like there's a gaping hole in my heart, that's exactly what I hoped he could find. Someone who would love him the way I do. Someone who would fly to the moon and back for him.

If you loved someone, set them free.

"Peter..." My voice cracks, "Don't say that."

Peter's lips crashed into mine again and they seek solace in mine, desperately, like a man who has starved for a lifetime.

He grabs my hand as our lips come apart, placing it on his chest, right over his heart and I feel the steady rhythm that beats under my palm.

"My heart beats for you, Nerissa. You have it and I don't ever want it back."

I meet his red-rimmed gaze and my heart cracks at the sight of him.

I knew what this was.

This was him saying goodbye in case he never gets the chance to.

I smooth my hands over the contours of his chest, running them up his neck and cupping his jaw in my hands.

He lets out a heavy breath, shutting his eyes and leaning into my touch as if he's taking the moment to savour every last second again.

I push onto my tippy-toes, pressing my lips to his in a sweet kiss.

"And you have mine." I whisper against them, "Always."

That night, I listen to his heart beating as I rest my head on his chest with his wrapped tightly arms around me as if he could shield me from what's to come.

Something in Peter has shifted. A part of him has come to accept the cards that we've been dealt, but I doubt that means he'd stop trying to change it.