The Phoenix Archer ∞ Peter Pevensie

ii. | E P I L O G U E

✧
P E T E R

Dear Nerissa,

My love, I'm giving this a shot as Edmund had suggested...He said this could help me get some things off my chest. Something about getting closure? The only reason why I didn't shut down the idea is that I think you would enjoy reading this...Wherever you may be.

I'm starting to lose count of the number of days it's been without you. Yes, it's been that many, and every day without you is another day where I lose more of myself. Because, darling, you own every piece of me.

I still don't know if I can do this without you. But trust me, I'm trying. I know that's what you would want; for me to live my life. But darling, how can I live when the reason I breathe is gone? I'm still trying to make my peace with that. I don't know if I ever will, but I'll try. For you.

There was a time when I was so mad. I was mad at everyone. At Aslan, for not doing something to bring you back. At Lucy, for not being there sooner with her fire-flower juice. At myself, for not being able to protect you, to save you, for even leaving in the first place. I admit I lost faith. I refused to believe because believing would mean believing that a place so magical was capable of such cruel things. Believing would mean that you're really gone. But I'm not letting that anger define me any longer. I'm better now, I promise.

I miss you every day. I look forward to the day we see each other again. Until then, my darling. Words can't even express how much I love you. Always have, always will.

Forever yours,
Peter.

*

My eyes skim through the words I've scribbled down in messy letters once more.

I never actually mailed my letters, but ever since I've written the first one, I've grown accustomed to writing them and never stopped after then. They've become an outlet for me. One that makes me feel closer to Nerissa. 

Still, the thought of her makes my heart ache. But it's manageable now. I've tried to move on like she'd wanted. I tried to go on a couple of dates. I don't know what I was expecting out of them, but they never lasted.

The one woman I love, the one I'll always love, was gone. And she took my heart with her.

I look out into the train tracks from where I was seated on a bench by the side, watching as Lucy talked animatedly to Edmund and our cousin, Eustace, by the platform.

Leaning back on the bench, I shut my eyes, listening to the soft 'choo's of a nearing train getting louder and louder, and just as it had gotten so loud that it sounded like it was right in front of me, it was just...gone.

Silence filled the air and the tension in my body that I felt before had oddly dissipated.

My eyes flickered open and I took in my surroundings for the first time, only to realise that the railway tracks had been replaced by a stunning cloudless blue sky and a field of endless lush green grass.

I let out a laugh as a flock of colourful birds flew over my head, chirping. It worked, we're back in Narnia.

"Peter?"

I froze at the sound of that familiar voice. It was like music to my ears and my heart soared but shattered just as quickly when I realised it was all likely in my head.