The Phoenix Archer ∞ Peter Pevensie

ii. | T W E N T Y - T W O

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P E T E R

I stand before the slab of stone, surrounded by flowers and the large sculpture of the Phoenix the Narnians have made for her as tribute. But all it was to me was a stark reminder of what I have lost.

Here, the love of my life lies below the surface of the freshly covered layer of soil. The beautiful woman that still has my heart in an iron grip reduced to nothing more than the shell of what she was and left there for nature to take its course.

It hurts to stand here or even breathe, but still, here I stay, my feet were frozen to the ground as if I was trapped here by some invisible force.

My heart feels like it's been shattered into a million pieces. Like I've been torn apart and left to bleed out, only to survive and be forced to live through it all over again. In fact, even that description feels like an understatement. Words cannot describe the type of loss I was feeling.

Sitting down before Nerissa's headstone, I let out a sigh as I reach up to hold the ring that was hanging from a chain around my neck.

"I never thought losing someone could feel like this. But you, my darling," I let out a humourless laugh, "You waltzed right into my life and you stole my breath away. Now, you've taken it with you and it's like I don't know how to breathe without you here."

I swallow back tears as I run my fingers along the engraving of her name in the stone.

"We were supposed to have forever together."

"As unfair and heartbreaking as it seems, it wasn't going to be forever." I don't turn at the sound of Caspian's voice. Instead, I stare at the golden-trimmed letters that read: From Ashes, the Pheonix rises and bares fire, like how Aslan bares his teeth. Through her strength, Winter has met its death.

"You've been here for weeks," Caspian continues, "The rare time someone actually gets you to leave, you don't eat unless your siblings force you to and you barely even sleep. Then, you come right back here. Do you really think this is what my sister would've wanted for you?"

The pain sliced through my heart at the sound of her name out loud is so sharp I almost keel over.

"Don't," I croak, squeezing my eyes shut hoping the pain would fade. It never does.

"Remember when Nerissa and I went out into the woods in search of your sisters?" He goes on anyway, even when I don't spare him an answer. "I'm pretty sure she died out there when I was busy helping Susan and she went after Lucy."

My eyes snap to his at the piece of information I was oblivious to. It was then that I notice how tired Caspian looks too. Heavy bags decorated his under eyes, and his hair looks dishevelled, possibly from him running his fingers from it too much. Sorrow dances across his eyes, one that matches mine.

It's only then that it really occurs to me then that maybe we were in the same boat after all. He'd lost his sister, his lifelong companion. A partner in crime, you could say.

If anyone could understand my pain, it'll be him. It's not to say that my siblings weren't torn by this too. They'd love- loved- Nerissa after all. But to them, she'll always be Peter's Nerissa and to Caspian, she was his sister before she was my love. In some ways, Nerissa was a part of him too.

"She asked Aslan to give her more time to say her goodbyes, and he gave her twelve days."

I stiffen at the news, "Twelve days?"

I thought I needed to say goodbye, but I'm just realising now that we don't need goodbyes. Her voice echoes in my head.

"She gave up those twelve days to save you without hesitation. That's how much she wanted you to be able to live, Peter." Caspian says, his voice cracking. "And this is what you do with it. This is doing a disservice to my sister's memory, and I won't stand by and watch you destroy yourself. My sister loves you more than words could describe. She used to tell me about you all the time. But this? Doesn't sound like the Peter she used to tell me about."

"Twelve days," I repeat.

The words feel bitter on my tongue. Twelve days.

"You're telling me I could've had twelve more days with her, before what? She dies? Before I have to lose her just like I already have?" Anger coils in me, "Twelve days isn't nearly enough for all that we could've had!"

"I know," Caspian says, placing a hand on my shoulder. "But Peter, this is not a way to live. It's definitely not the way Nerissa wants you to."

I stare at Caspian's hand, reaching up to clasp Nerissa's chain in my palm once again and feeling the weight of it in my hand.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to carry on," I admit, my voice barely a whisper.

My words hang between us, weighing down the air like they're weights.

"It feels like everyone else is going on like she never existed. Doesn't that bother you?"

He shrugs, "Maybe so. But I think Nerissa would prefer it this way. She wouldn't want to have people grieving over her. I think she'd want to have her life celebrated, not mourned for."

With a deep sigh, Caspian lowers himself onto the ground beside me.

"I miss her, too, you know."

I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling tears prickle at the back of them. My heart feels as if someone had taken a thousand knives and pierced them through it, taking their time with every single one.

"She lives on through us now. Don't let her down, Peter." Caspian lets out a small laugh, "Though, I doubt you could. She'll never stop loving you. Never forget that."

I raise from my feet, my eyes never leaving Nerissa's headstone. I step forward, kneeling before what's left of the love of my life and pressing a kiss to the cold stone.

As I raise to my feet, turning to walk away, I notice my siblings standing at the edge of the field. I should've known they'd be here, too. Lucy rushes forward, laying a bouquet of wildflowers at Nerissa's grave.

I look over my shoulder to stare at the words engraved into stone one last time, before turning to my siblings once again.

"We're going home."