Always Atlas

10 ➵ Banana Bread

ALWAYS

ATLAS

As we walked down the street and away from the dinner, we both stayed silent, as I looked at the gloomy sky above. It looked so nice as the large grey permanent clouds never moved from their spots, I loved London for its weather, I could never ever get sick of this dark and wet climate.

It's cringe but I love when the clouds cry their hot and cold tears of fresh raindrops, it almost makes me feel as if each rain drop that felt held some persons pain and worries. It also makes me almost feel like I am not alone as if I'm not the only one that is hurting in this world.

The subject of Atlas Westbrook seemed to be the one reoccurring thought in my mind the last few days. Most of the time it was mainly about how much I loathed him and how he was dead to me but the last few days I've been wondering if there is more to them. . . I've been wondering what is truly going on in that missed up yet beautiful mind of his

It's insane how different he is when the eyes of his friends are on him and when they are not. The night of the party when he walked me to Ophelia's house it wasn't even that bad being in his presents because he wasn't being a total twat.

But now today when his friends were in the same room as him, he seemed to go back to being a complete and utter tosser. He reminded me of the stupid teenage boy I had went to school with instead of the almost decent person that had walked me to my friend's house the other night.

I hate how people's friends make them feel like they need to be someone else when they are around them. It's sad that the pure peer pressure and wanting people to see you as someone else, someone that they think is cool and that you should be would make you act differently to the real you.

In my opinion, I feel like everyone should be able to be the real them when they are around everyone. I feel as though that is why I am so cold towards people as that is how I am more than most of the time, I hate people so why shouldn't I let them know that?

I understand that it is a lot harder to say just be the real you and shit as I guess that's what I was like for ages, I was so scared of people getting to know the real me but once I realized that people are going to have an opinion on you whether you like it or not that is when I started no to care.

Especially when the opinions weren't good.

"Rora?" Ophelia asked. "You coming?" she stated as I quickly gulped nodding my head.

Ophelia holds the door for me, it was a small flower boutique that also had a bakery styled café. The smells of the flowers made me feel at peace as I was surrounded by food and the burning stares of people.

The flowers where we were seated were blue, white and purple wild flowers, Opal's favourite, I hoped that this was a sign that I was doing the right thing, that I was making her proud. God, why am I still so fucking in love with her?

Especially when I'm the cause of her death.

The café was so cute, as its theme was definitely French. Its main colour scheme was white but then the flowers bought pops of pretty colour, like pinks, yellows, blues, even a few rainbow roses. There were honestly way too many colours and flowers if you asked me but it helped distract me from the food which was all around me.

If I'm being completely honest, I haven't been out to eat since my sister died, since I was bullied a few years ago. I never wanted to eat out as I didn't want people to see me picking apart such a pretty meal or just managing to eat two or three small bites.

It was embarrassing, it filled me with so much anxiety, so I never went to one again. Except for maybe once or twice when I went with Opal, she knew bits and pieces and she always helped me through it. She was even close to helping me to recovery but now without her, anorexia has pulled me back down.