Always Atlas

01 ➵ Attention Seeker

ALWAYS

ATLAS

"Just fucking eat your food, it's not that hard." My dad's voice echoed in my mind as I clutched the pretty yellow, purple and white wildflowers in my cold hands as I had finally neared the bridge.

They were Opal's favourite.

The bridge where I lost my best friend, the girl that I was hopelessly in love with. There were still little, metal, red fragments of the car that still hadn't been cleaned up from the accident, well I guess it was only twenty-four hours ago.

I didn't want to be here; this was the last place I wanted to be, but I couldn't stop my legs from running out the door and in the direction of the bridge,

My dad and I had managed to get into a fight all because I wasn't eating my food, what fucking else is new. He had shouted at me, asking why 'I couldn't just be normal' and why 'I was doing this for attention' as I am the only child in the family.

I don't understand why he can be so cruel; I don't get why he thinks I am doing this for attention when I am clearly not, the real reason is that I have unfortunately lost complete and utter control over myself, instead of me controlling my mind and body, my mind and body control me.

This disease fucking controls me.

As I came to a halt at the side of the bridge, I stopped at the edge I'm pretty sure where the crash would have been, where she would have been when she had taken her last slow and painful fucking breath, without me.

I gaze down at the slow-flowing stream, I took a deep breath in and then let it out after a few seconds, it was a sigh of relief as I hoped that she was in a better place now, instead of this shitty and unforgiving world.

But maybe I could have made it better for her, I know I could have if only she had given me a chance. That's all I fucking wanted from her was one pathetic fucking chance to love her. Instead, I get to go to her funeral, how fucking lucky am I.

I let the flowers go. I watched as they glided down in the air, their colours all blending together under the moonlight, then falling into the cool water of the stream below where they were then pulled by the current and away out of my sight.

"This is all your fucking fault Aurora, you killed someone, you're a fucking murderer." My father's voice echoed once again.

Cold tears ran down my face as a cool breeze ran through my short, black, bob haircut. I hated my hair at first as I had loved my long thick black hair but now that my mother had suggested the change that I had for some reason agreed to I am in love with it.

A tear rolled down my face, I don't normally allow myself to cry, it just makes me feel weaker than I already am and I extremely hate how weak I have truly become, that being both mentally and fucking physically.

Steadily I climbed up onto the flat cement railing of the bridge. I quickly gained my balance as I then felt the urge to looked down at the water below me. Sucking in a cold breath I imagined myself fucking falling, hitting my head onto the ground where I would then never wake up again.

It didn't sound too bad, especially if I would then be with Opal.

Taking one step after the other, I couldn't help but think of Opal and how she would not approve of me wanting to take my own pathetic life even if it meant I would be able to see her. I can just hear her soft voice telling me that I'm an absolute idiot as she nudges me on the shoulder.

God, I fucking miss her, why couldn't it have been me and not her?

Blinding headlights and the loud screeching sound of tires as the driver slams on their breaks is what snaps me out of my thoughts, my thoughts of the girl that would never ever fucking love me, the girl that I was hopelessly in love with.