Always Atlas

00 ➵ Anorexia Nervosa

ALWAYS

ATLAS

A bright, blinding light threatened to shine into my eyes but my eyelids felt as though they had been glued shut. I tried to pry them open, but it was of no use as I felt weak and sore, like if I had been thrown off of a large building and smacked onto the concrete bottom.

I bought my arm slowly up to my face as I rubbed my eyes in an attempt to open them. At a slow place, my eyes opened. My vision was foggy and hazy but once my vision cleared, I was able to make out a small white room that smelt strongly of cleaning products, like bleach. It was putrid, to say the least.

Looking from side to side, I noticed that to my very right was a wooden door that was closed shut, then right in front of me was a tv hanging from the ceiling, to my left was another door that I presumed must have led into a small bathroom.

The fucking hospital. I was in the mother fucking hospital, you have to be fucking kidding me right now.

"Honey! She's awake." An all too familiar voice said excitedly.

Looking to my left my mom and dad were both sitting on curved green chairs that looked absolutely fucking uncomfortable. My mother with her black hair tied up into a messy bun looked unbelievably tired as her once pale face now has large black circles under her eyes. She looked like an absolute train wreck and that's putting it nicely.

My father on the other hand didn't look too impressed. He sat there all stretched out looking at his phone with an annoyed scowl. His black hair was short as he had slightly sun-kissed skin. My dad is old at heart and doesn't understand mental illnesses, he just tells me to eat and other shit that hurts.

I wished that he could see that it's not that fucking easy.

I've been admitted into the emergency room a few times over the years, Anorexia nervosa. It's fucking embarrassing in my opinion, especially when I wake up in the hospital with nurses trying to force-feed me.

It fucking sucks.

When I was as young as ten, I was the opposite, instead of anorexia I had a binge eating disorder, what I'm trying to say is I used to be fat, severely overweight, actually. But when I started to go through puberty and high school, I had soon realized that I was in love with my best friend.

Opal Coleman.

She was honestly perfect. Her body was an hourglass shape that I envied because I wanted ever oh so badly to have a skinny waist yet also have curves at the same time, but I couldn't help but love her figure. Her personality was also the best thing about her, she was always so caring and kind to everyone yet she never took shit from anyone.

Body wise and personality-wise, she was everything that I wanted to be. She was societies standard of perfection.

She was always there for me when I needed her, especially when people at our high school would bully me about my weight, telling me to eat and that I look like I've swallowed two hippopotamuses. She would tell them to fuck off and then make sure I had eaten that day. Pandora fucking Torres made the entirety of my school career an absolute nightmare, that was until she went off to college thankfully leaving me alone for my last three years of high school.

That bitch was everywhere, every corner, every class.

The reason that I had never told Opal about my feelings toward her was that she only ever loved the skinny girls with blonde hair and blue eyes, or the tall scrawny boys with piercing green eyes and brunette hair.