The Monster Inside Me ||Stiles Stilinski||

IV.

Stiles's POV:

The nights are the worst part of the day for me. Left alone with only my thoughts and the darkness that once consumed me whole. As I lay in my bed I think about the past. I shouldn't be doing that. It makes me have nightmares, oh how I wish they were only nightmares not my past memories. I stare blankly at the ceiling, drifting away in the sea of thoughts and memories. I'm scared, more scared than I've ever been. If I close my eyes I see all the people that got hurt or dead. It should've been me, me who was the cause of this. I know technically it wasn't me who caused it but the Nogitsune. Still... letting that awful demon into my mind caused harm and I'll never be able to forgive myself.... On nights like these I think back that Scott getting turned into a werewolf was my fault as well. Great....even more depressing thoughts.... I hate myself so much.
A sneaky thought entered my mind, why don't you end it all. Why suffer when you can have peace but do I deserve that peace... That's the big question. I can't seem to ease my mind and calm the storm that's eating me up from the inside. At times like these I want to scream and shout to let the world know how badly I suffer. To let Scott know... He seems to not care about me at all, although I'm not blaming him. I ended the life of his first ever love, his anchor.
As the hours pass by I fall even more deeper in the pit of emotions that I've created. For last resort I get myself up from the bed to sit on my windowsill. From the desk drawer I take out my cigarette and lighter. For a while I fidget it between my fingers, but couldn't stand it. Finally my lips wrap around this small relief from all the problems and with a small click sound I light it. As I inhale the smoke it immediately hits the back of my throat. This familiar burning sensation that calms me. Blankly, I stare into the night sky wishing to be as far away from here as I possibly could. There isn't much left for me here. No pack, no Scott and even my dad hates my guts so. I should pack my bag together and leave this town that I haven't been able to call home for a while now. Maybe this is what I'll do. No ties left here I could do whatever I want, wherever... Leaving would be the best option...

Back in Derek's loft:
Scott and Lydia sat in a sad silence as they made their way back to the loft. They had to share the knowledge that they possess about Stiles. Lydia is sad, not being able to wrap her head around the information that she has to consume. Scott on the other hand is in complete denial. He's not able to process the information he just received from Lydia. How was his bubbly and life loving friend able to fall down in such spiral. The ride went by like a snap and in minutes they were in front of the loft. Quickly they made their way towards the large metal doors and without any hesitation they went in. A few question filled eyes made their ways into their direction.
" Why are you back? Something happened?" Derek was the one to ask the question that everyone had in mind.
" We have something... something important to tell you " Lydia looked around with a sad but stern look in her eyes.
"What is it ? Something happened?" Lydia and Scott shared a knowing look.
"It's about Stiles. He's hurt and we need to help him " Lydia's voice was filled with pure worry which lingered around the room to the others as they heard it. They all shared a look of concern, playing every possiblity that could've happened with Stiles. Lydia sat down on one of the armchairs and without hesitation she started telling them everything. Everything that she gathered and what she got from the sheriff. She wanted them to know even the smallest information. For Stiles's sake, so they'll be able to help him.

It was hard to say the least. Saying out loud over and over again made it so real but still untouchable at the same time. At the moment all she wanted to was curling up in her warm bed and distract herself.

After finishing her saying, silence fell over. Some were in denial, some had tear in their eye. It was hard on everyone, especially Scott. All they could hear were small sobs coming from him. He was done. Derek was the first to speak up
"We have to make out a plan. A strong plan that will help to lure him back. If he's around we'll be able to help him. How does that sound ? " he got small nods or quite yeahs from everyone.
" Then it's settled. Let's calm down first, clear our heads and get on with a plan " eventhough he isn't the alpha, he knows Scott needs his help. For Stiles's sake he's willing to help.