The Monster Inside Me ||Stiles Stilinski||

III.

Stiles POV:
The ride home was filled with my loud thoughts that I couldn't bring to words. I had to do something, something so they would quite down. I pulled up to the house and went straight to my room. Put my stuff down and headed straight into the bathroom. I locked it just in case, who knows dad might come home earlier. Though I doubt that... Since everything he's been working day and night. Part of me misses him but another part of me says it's good because he doesn't have to see me... I see myself as a disappointment to him. I can't do anything right.. My mind was clouded with these thoughts as I reached for my blade. My new friend... I stripped down from my clothing and stood under the shower. I endured the hot water as it ran down my body, warming this cold shell of whom I once used to be. Slowly I close the space between my thighs and the blade. Not wanting to admit it but I enjoy this kind of pain. Makes my thoughts go away not leaving anything behind. Oh how much I want to stay in this bottomless nothing. Just wanting it to swallow me whole... I lost myself..a long time ago. Can't remember who I used to be, I hate it. Why do I have to be like this. Weak, defenceless, human...

Lydia's POV.:
Without a glance back on the others I headed to my car. I can't believe them, I just can't. How can they be so ignorant. I hear Scott faintly as he tries to catch up with my hurried pace. My leg was already in my car when Scott got here
"Lyds please wait.. where're you going?"
" Well Scott I need some time away and maybe visit Stiles..."
" Lydia... Please tell me what's up I don't get it.."
" Of course you don't Scott..." I gave him a sad smile and sat in my car. Without an invitation he followed suit.
" Lydia tell me. If it's about Stiles I need to know" he looked and me like a puppy who got scolded for making a mess in the living room.
" Fine I'll tell you but not here.." with a roar the engine started and in a comfortable silence we drove away.
This will be fun...

I drove near to the woods. There I parked the car on the side of the road.
" Okay Scott I'll tell you everything I know and think is going on with Stiles, on one condition. You cannot interrupt me." He nods slightly. With a small smile I begin.

It all started a few weeks ago. I noticed Stiles getting distanced and defensive. He would zoom out more than usual and have this hollow look to him. At first these changes were nearly unnoticeable but with time they reached surface more and more.. I was confused and worried to say the least, thinking what can I possibly do for him. So I did the only rational choice and spoke with the Sheriff.

Lydia now has Scott's full attention. The wheels in his head are on full speed at the moment, running through every possiblity of his best friend's behavior.

So I told him even the smallest change I noticed. As I was listing them he looked sas but not surprised, which took me off guard. I thought he would be worried and eager to know but no... I finished and silence took over. After a while he opened his mouth and told me how I was on the right path but still don't know everything. Noah said he's been having anxiety attacks lately and has troubles with sleeping. But of course this couldn't be it oh no no. He continued with saying that Stiles doesn't want to eat or if he does only a small portion.. and and..

Her voice cracked, couldn't bring herself to say the remaining, most critical piece of information. Scott sensed her feelings and took her hands into his.

" It's okay Lydia.. it's okay. Breath in and out" he was concerned to say the least. What could be so bad that made Lydia to have this kind of reaction.
"He...he hurts himself Scott.." she whispered it with a shaky tone... Although she knew he's able to hear her.
"Wha..what no. No Lydia this can't be true" he was in denial. This wasn't possible. No Stiles wouldn't do such thing, right? Right...