Amber, Dave and Rico

Part 5

You are worthless. No, you are beyond useless you are weak. Mentally, physically and emotionally. You are exactly what your mother said you'd be." I said to myself as I looked in the mirror at my face with tears and makeup running down it. I was 29, and every moment was taking me back to my sixteenth birthday. I could see my mom's angry high yellow face in my mind, clearly as if she was standing right in front of me with her cigarette hanging out the corner of her mouth.

"You ain't shit. You will never be shit. You're never going to succeed at shit. Your stupid and ugly. You are the worst thing that ever happened to me. I wish I never had you because now you will always be the worse thing to happen to anyone that loves you or you decide to love and its all my fault because I should aborted your dumb ass when I had the chance. "those were the most challenging words I ever had to swallow and they form my momma as she stood over me as I bowled in the corner of our two-bedroom apartment holding my nose that was bleeding from her beating on me for nothing more than looking like my daddy and expecting something for my birthday.

My mother blamed everyone in her life for everything that went wrong. Brandy and I were the reason she couldn't keep a man, according to her, and because we drove her crazy when she was sober, we were the reasons she was always drunk and unable to get a job.

It was that exact day that I decided I would no longer be her reason. I ran away, and she never came looking for me, and I never looked back. I did whatever I had to survive and made up in my mind I would die before I ever crawled back to my mom. I always kept in touch with Brandy. When she passed, Brandy called and told me, and I didn't even bother to go to the funeral. I had been missing out on her life for years. There were no last goodbyes to say.

Being so young and out on my own made me figure out quickly how to survive on my own. I just barely graduated from high school. I worked dead-end jobs until Dave came along. We met in the grocery store. I was trying to buy food and didn't have enough. He covered what I was short with a smile on his. I told him no, and he insisted. He walked with me outside to my little Honda and helped me put my groceries in and then gave me his number. After that night, I always told him he was my superman because he came to my rescue when I didn't even know I needed to be saved.

Two weeks later, when we went on our first date and the rest became history. He moved me in with him. It gave me all the things my heart desired and more. I felt like I had beat the odds and everything my mom had told me I was going to be. Now, look at me; everything my mom said was right, and now I was sitting in a dirty ass motel room realizing it. And if I had to be honest, I felt like some of this was her fault.

She never taught me how to love or even told me she loves me. So I never understood what genuine love was. She taught me the hard way to survive by any means necessary. That is probably why I was with Dave, even though things were exactly how I wanted them. Because love or not, I was surviving and doing pretty damn well while being with Dave.

"I don't deserve to live. This baby doesn't deserve to have a mother like me. This baby isn't even here yet, and I had fucked up their life just like I fucked up mine, Dave's, and even Rico's kids. I'm worse than my mother. I got pregnant and now put mine and this child's health in danger. "I said to myself. I looked down at the dresser and grabbed the gun. "I should end it all. Right now. No one will miss me. Just blow my damn brains out right here. I'm already going to hell anyway why prolong it."

My hand was shaking as I put the cold melt to my head. I looked at myself in the mirror and let the tears stream down my face. "I will not fuck up your life too." I said as I rubbed my hand over my stomach." I closed my eyes and prepared myself.

But I couldn't do it. "Why can't I pull the trigger," I asked myself. I went to the hotel bed and sat down. "I've killed two men that had shit to live for why can't I do myself." I said out loud. I never thought in a million years that I would be the type to take myself out. But at this point, this was the only solution I saw. All the pain I've dealt with in my life; this should be easy. But it wasn't.

I turned the tv on and took a seat on the bed. I had been checking the news to see if anything popped up about the shooting. It had been hours, the calls from Dave's mom had slowed down. I hadn't heard from Brandy. So I wasn't sure what was happening outside this dirty little motel room. I had gotten under a different name.

But there it was, finally. My heart dropped when the news showed Dave's grandmother's home surrounded by yellow tape behind a new reporter. I turned the tv up to hear what they were saying. Tragedy had hit our town once again as two young men were found shot inside of the south side home this evening. Sources say the victims were David Lott and Remario Piers. Two young men were known in this community because they were raised here, and the home they were found in was of their deceased grandmother. No one knows what led to this. But the police have confirmed that one of the young men was pronounced dead, and another is in surgery fighting for his life. Stay locked in for more information on this story.

As the news went to commercial, I turned down the tv. "One is still alive. Fuck Rico going to kill me, I just know it's his ass. The evil ones always live through the worse shit." I said as I laid across the bed, panicking.

There was a knock at the door, and I jumped. I said nothing; I just looked at the door. "Amber open the damn door. I know your here." I heard Brandy's voice from the other side. I got up and walked over to the door and looked through the peephole before opening the door and letting her in.

Brandy came in and looked around at the shitty motel I was in. "Amber, what are you doing here?" she asked. "No, how did you find me?" I asked her. "Well, number one, I share locations with you on our Phones just for moments like these. Number two, both niggas that you mess with were found shot, and you were answering your phone so as your sister I got concerned. And three Amber you when using the fake name Tasha since we were kids." she said to me.

"Okay." I said as I took a seat on the bed. "Okay? So what is going on? Are you hiding from the person who did that shit to Rico and Dave?" she asked me. I shook my head no. "then what is going on because you up here in this dirty ass motel when you got a beautiful home you could be at." she said to me. "If I tell you, you can't judge me." I told my sister. "Judging you is not my business." she said to me. "I killed Rico and Dave." I told her. "Yeah, funny, stop playing." she said. "No, I did. I got both of them. Dave first trying to prove my love to Rico and then Rico for playing with me when I told him I was pregnant." I said to her. "What the fuck, Amber?" Brandy to me. "I know, I know, I know. And now Dave's mom keeps calling, and at this point I was in here ready to off myself." I told her.

"Now it makes sense why Jayden called me sounding the way he did." she said. "Jayden called you?" I asked her. "Hell yeah looking for you." Brandy responded. "Fuck!" I said. "Did anyone see you?" Brandy asked. "No, I don't think so." I told her. "Then get your ass out this room and got to that hospital and play your role." Brandy said. "But..." Brandy cut me off. "But nothing. As of right now, you are innocent. Hiding makes you guilty. Your not going to kill yourself, so I don't even want to hear that shit. So lets go. You're not running from this shit. No more running from your problems, you got to face them." Brandy said.

"What happens if they figure it out?" I asked her. "Then we worry about that then." Brandy said. "What about the gun and the money?" I said, "I'll handle that you just get to the hospital." she said. I got up and hugged my sister. I wasn't sure what was next in line for me, but I was happy I had someone on my side, at least.

Before leaving the room, BRandy took the duffle bag of money and my gun. She told me once I got to the hospital to call her, and she'd be there. I closed the door behind her. And planned my next move.