Entirely Different

Chapter Twenty Seven : Explanations Wanted

How did I end up here? Again?

Kylo had been up for hours, sleep eluding him and leaving him drowning in a sea of his own thoughts. You were sleeping quietly at his side, back to him and hair fanned out over his pillow. His fingers twitched with wanting to reach out and play with your tresses; it took almost every bit of his self-control not to do just that. But who was he kidding? What self-control? He'd been drowning in self-doubt for weeks now, unable to admit to himself the obvious truth: he only felt at ease when he was with you.

How did I allow this to happen?

He scoffed quietly in the silence of the room, turning over in bed so that he was back-to-back with you. He didn't merely 'allow' this to happen – he'd instigated it. As he always did. It was always him. And damn him if he wasn't ready to admit that you could be anything more to him. Those who loved him – left him. And he simply wouldn't allow it. No, just like he wouldn't allow himself to keep this up. What did he expect? You agreed to these terms – his terms. No, this was just your typical... hardcore.. casual sex.

There's nothing wrong with it, right? He could continue to keep feelings out of it. You would both be so busy with training in the upcoming weeks, he could easily justify keeping you at arm's length distance. Except for the nights, when you'd be here with him. Yes, that seemed good. That would work. He wouldn't need to give you up, all he had to do was reestablish those rules. This would work. You stirred behind him and he found himself turning toward you without a thought where he was surprised to find your eyes on his.

"What time is it?" You whispered.

Kylo couldn't help but notice how tired your eyes were, he wandered if you'd been awake for a while now, too.

"Not sure." His hand skated the empty space between the two of you before his fingertips brushed your bare back.

"Either very late or very early." He concluded, rubbing small circles into your flesh.

Nothing wrong with this. He reminded himself.

"You're not leaving anytime soon, if that's where you were headed with that." He smirked at you, snuggling his head into his pillow.

It was moments like that which stole your breath from your lungs. He looked impossibly handsome stretched out in his mega bed with you, dark hair messy and pushed back away from his forehead. He looked sweaty and tired, like he hadn't slept after round two. Yourself, you were too sore not to rest after that last time – he'd nearly broken you in half. You examined his sweat slicked skin for a moment, hand wandering over his bicep.

You didn't catch the shuddered breath which loosed from his lungs.

"Will you come take a bath with me?" You asked quietly, fingertips skating down his muscles.

He was quiet for a moment, eyes dancing over your exposed skin without meeting your eyes. If you'd glanced into his mind, you would have heard:

Nothing wrong with this. Nothing wrong with this. Nothing wrong with this.

"Sure." He shrugged before rolling from his side of bed and patting into the restroom.

You couldn't help but grin at his bare ass when he passed.

You followed him on shaky legs, not quite recovered from the evening's earlier events. With one hand on the wall, you wobbled into the restroom after him, spurred on by the steam and sounds the gurgling tap unfurling from the small space. He'd dimmed the lights so that they weren't so glaring on either of your sleepy eyes and stood off the side, one hand extended to you. You hobbled a step in his direction when his brow knit together.