Breddy Drabbles

Next Life

Prompt: an AU where Eddy gets ptsd whenever someone says they feel like they're dying because of Brett being sick

TRIGGER WARNING: self harm, suicide

He had looked so pale, his breath so shallow, his chest barely moving... You could mistake him for dead, that's how still he was. And Eddy was terrified he would end up dead, that at any moment his chest would stop moving, the last shred of life draining out of him. And then what? He'd be here alone. Brett would leave him here. And he'd have to live without him. He couldn't do that. Brett was his world. If anything happened to him...
Eddy shuddered, trying to shake off the unwanted thoughts. But it didn't work. He just kept spiraling deeper and deeper into them. This happened every single time someone talked about being sick, about dying. And it terrified him. He didn't know what to do. But he didn't want to tell Brett. He knew Brett. Brett would just find a way to blame himself for something that wasn't his fault. So he continued to struggle alone, being dragged into a bottomless, pitch black hole.
But he found he was fighting a losing battle. It didn't get better; it kept getting worse. Each bout of thoughts got increasingly worse until he'd break down each time, having a full blown panic attack. He'd have to go hide in the bathroom every time, trying to muffle his sobs and force the stream of tears to stop. And he always felt empty, hollow, after each bout. But he didn't know what to do. He couldn't do anything to make himself feel again. And how he hated this numbness.

But maybe there was something he could do to feel again.

Brett noticed the change in Eddy immediately. He wasn't as crazy anymore; he was a lot more subdued, and he didn't smile or laugh nearly as much. When he did, it was almost always fake. He also noticed Eddy was wearing a jacket, even in the Australian sun, which was a bit strange. He was concerned about him, but everytime he tried to bring up the subject, Eddy got defensive and changed the topic. So he eventually stopped trying to talk about it; Eddy made it clear he wouldn't. It hurt Brett to see Eddy shut him out like this, but he couldn't do anything about it. All he could do was make sure Eddy knew that he loved him. So that he tried to do. Soft words whispered, breakfasts made, chores done, warm embraces. But apparently it wasn't enough.
He wasn't enough.

Eddy had said he was going to take a bath. But he had been in the bathroom for a good two hours by now. And he wasn't answering Brett. Brett felt like his lunch might come back up. But no. Eddy was just taking a bath. He had to be.
Knocking on the door once more, he called out Eddy's name. But still, no answer. His heart in his throat, he tried the door. It was unlocked.

He wished he hadn't opened that door. He wished he hadn't let Eddy "take a bath." He wish he hadn't ever let him out of his sight. He wished he had forced Eddy to talk about it. He wished he'd made sure Eddy was ok. But it was too late.
He had failed the one person who loved him.

Brett couldn't think. There was so much blood, too much blood. He was lying in a pool of his own blood. And he looked exactly like the Eddy he had known. But his eyes were dull, his chest still. And his arms... They were laced in bright red cuts, a mural of red blood, black scabs, and brown scars. His whole arms were covered... Brett had no idea this was happening... He didn't even know why Eddy would do that-
A tear falling down his face, he realized he hadn't done enough, he hadn't tried hard enough.
He wasn't worth enough. No. His world had chosen death over him.
He had failed the one person he loved.

He had killed the one person he loved.

He collapsed on the floor, tears falling from his eyes. But he couldn't feel them. He couldn't feel anything. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. His whole world was gone, pulled out from under his feet. He couldn't live without Eddy... He couldn't survive without him. But he had to. Eddy obviously hadn't wanted to be with him if he had chosen that over him... But he found that no matter what he did, he couldn't stop loving him. His heart was tied to Eddy's. Except Eddy's wasn't here anymore.
Closing his eyes, he let the world fade from around him, escaping into the soft clutches of sleep. And there he stayed. He didn't even notice when the soft embrace of sleep became the cold, hard darkness of death.
_______________________________
He felt himself rising. But he could see his body on the ground. What was happening? He started panicking, trying to scream, to yell, kicking and thrashing. But he kept rising. He passed through the roof, the clouds. And then his heart stopped. He was dreaming. This had to be a dream. It had to be. Eddy was dead. There was no way he was standing right there. He had died... how long ago was it? He couldn't remember. He had lost track of time. But then Eddy moved forward, snapping Brett out of his thoughts. And then he was surrounded by Eddy's arms, wrapped in his warm embrace. He felt Eddy bury his head in the crook of his neck, Eddy's arms wrapping tighter around him. And then he heard him whisper, "I'm so sorry I did that to you. I shouldn't have. I regretted it so much, I missed you so much... I love you."
Something inside Brett snapped. Or more likely, something inside him healed. For even though he was crying, he finally felt something inside. After all this time, he finally felt again. Throwing his arms around his love, he leaned into the embrace, burying his head in Eddy's chest.
"What happened? Where are we?" He was mumbling, but he knew Eddy would be able to understand him.
"This is the afterlife. You didn't eat, Brett. You didn't do anything. You sat there for a week, not moving an inch. You died from dehydration...
I'm so sorry I left you, I wasn't intending it like that-"
Brett silenced him with a kiss, the reunited lovers melting into each other.

Little did they know, they were going to be torn apart again.

The feeling of Eddy's lips, his arms, they were fading. He pulled back and opened his eyes. The world was slowly fading, growing darker and darker. Panicked, he looked up at Eddy. Eddy smiled sadly at him and whispered, "I'll see you in our next life."
Eddy's smile was the last thing he saw before the world went dark.
_______________________________
Brett woke up. It was just another day. But it felt like he was forgetting something. Something important. But he couldn't remember it for the life of him. All he remembered was a smile... he didn't remember who the smile belonged to. But he knew he was forgetting something massive. So he set out to find whatever would fill the gaping hole inside.

Brett was distracted at work all day. Which really wasn't a great thing when you were a doctor. But no matter what he did, how hard he tried, he couldn't focus. He had to call in the other doctor to double check all his diagnostics. By his lunch break, he was thinking it would just be faster if the other doctor did the diagnostics himself. He didn't know why he couldn't concentrate. Yes, he wanted to look for his missing half. But to be this distracted? He didn't know what was wrong with him.
Glancing at the clock, he sighed and passed a hand through his hair. Lunch break was already up. He had gotten lost in his thoughts. Walking back into the clinic, the emergency bell went off. They wheeled in a patient. He was barely breathing, his chest moving only the tiniest bit. Brett's heart rose into his throat. He had to save him. He had to. But he didn't know why. He had never seen this person before. He was just another patient. Just a stranger. Not that he didn't care about his patients. He just didn't understand why he cared about this one more than usual. But he pushed those thoughts aside and set to work.

He was too busy to notice he was no longer empty inside.
_______________________________
It turned out that the patient's, who's name was Eddy, condition was serious, but not fatal. That provided great relief for Brett. And yet he still didn't know why. But after a week or so, Eddy's health had much improved. Brett finally had some time freed up to search for his missing piece. But then he realized he had already found it. His heart wasn't hollow anymore. But that didn't make sense. He hadn't met anyone knew in the past week. No one except...
Gasping, he turned to Eddy, and found him staring back with the weirdest look on his face. "Who are you?" Brett whispered, afraid that if he talked too loud, he might wake up and find that he was still empty inside. Eddy smiled a crooked little smile that was somehow filled with pain.
"Bretty, do you remember me? I promised we'd meet in our next lives."
"Wha-
What are you talking about? I don't know you-"
"Oh, but you do." Eddy replied, chuckling. "Don't you remember? Our previous life? Our dreams; we reached for the stars and somehow managed to grab them. Don't you remember? The channel, the tours. You played the Tchaik, remember? And I did Sibelius. Don't you remember me?

Don't you remember the person you loved?"
Eddy's voice trailed off to a whisper. Brett stood there, staring at him, mouth agape. He had no idea what this stranger was talking about. And yet, somewhere in the back of his mind, it all made sense. He had no idea how. But finally, it clicked. All the memories came flooding back, the dam holding back the sea opened. The water overflowed, streaming out of his eyes. He walked closer, scared of waking up to find it was just a dream. "Is it-" his voice cracking, he cleared his throat and started again. "Is it really you?"
"Yes, my love. I told you I'd see you in our next life, didn't I?"
Crying, Brett buried his face in Eddy's neck, wrapping his arms around him and breathing in his scent. He smelled like the shampoo they used to have. He smelled like the laundry detergent he knew Eddy used. But most of all, he smelled like home.

He was glad to finally be home again.

A/N: Hi y'all, sorry this isn't great. Idk how like doctors clinics actually work so all of that is probably realistically wrong but let's just roll with it please haha. Anyways, sorry bout it being not great. These stories aren't edited at all so it's basically the rough draft of the story instead of planning out the storyline and editing it. This book was just a place to keep my on the spot writings, so if y'all want better quality writing, check out my Breddy AUs book.
Anyways, thanks for stopping bye, and I hope y'all enjoyed!
- Horselife