Forest is close, trees are far

v. Bjerne

Dearest,
You gave me two chewing gums. Peppermint ones. It was late afternoon, and you wanted to calm me down. My uneasiness seemed to be the more visible I tried to bury it.
I saved the other one, later keeping it bedside , to make sure I would never lose it. Foolishly. And childish fear.With freshness comes calmness, calmness of that afternoon, when I didn't love you yet, when the proximity of a human being fell hard on me, but even then, I found words in yours, my voice didn't crack, the world didn't turn. Although I didn't know what you would mean to me at the time, I didn't have the feeling that home was far away, or that I was in a hurry somewhere, that dreams were for the naive.
The smell of the summer to come, it promised. That time is coming when we will be allowed to indulge in dreams and they will reciprocate by making themselves come true. My grief did not come to leave me, I knew. I wasn't fooled into thinking that things would change drastically once we walked out of that hallway. Everything will be as it was. Happiness didn't wait for time to run out and the hallway to be empty and sunglasses to be put on nose. They still won't be here, and Nigleas is getting married and only my thoughts stay with me, thoughts of you. The only thing that changed is that I no longer have you by my side, and days seem to get longer and it is more and more certain that the pain does not dull over time.
"Are they dancing up there?" Or is it a privilege of us here, one we take for granted?
The monsters dance, I watch them, I do not address the question to anyone in particular, the words break free from my stubborn silence. I don't know the older gentleman next to me who sits and says nothing. Probably someone from the bride's family. Since he is closest to me and looks the least dangerous, I hope that he might be able to answer me, that he heard me and that he will say that he also asked himself same thing many times and one of the questions will finally be answered.
When I turn to him, I realize he is asleep. When I touches him, he is cold. when I get up, and the chair overturns with bang, he is still sound asleep. And the music still rumbles.