Wherever We Go

Chapter 1:

Josef sat in his empty room, looking at his surroundings. 

His head hurt and he felt blank inside. A small tear dropped and then he realized that he was crying. His heart was breaking but he knew, he knew it was all his fault. 

He took off his sun starched shirt and exchanged it for his wedding one. He ran his hands one last time over them and on the top seams, he felt a small lump. He was curious, he had never felt that there before. 

He took his pocket knife from his drawer and gently cut the seams. A small roll of fabric slid out and he unrolled it. It was gray with royal blue thread. "Z is for Zofia, 1945, who fixed one of your shirts and tore the other off you. " 

He almost smiled. 

But he couldn't. 

He took the fabric, he would keep it for the rest of his life to remind him of his failures and the burden that was his to carry. He smiled bitterly then, he also took it as a reminder of Zofia, her hope and her energy. Quietly, he folded the shirt and gathered his belongings. He stepped out of the small room and noted the baby soft pink of the dawning sky. He walked to Zofia's cottage and gently put the shirt on her doorstep. And he moved on.

He walked through the camp gates and he had no idea what to do. So he walked on.

He found himself walking down the road towards little Hannelore's home; where he and Zofia had been. Zofia. 

Who'd told him to leave. Beautiful Zofia. 

Whom he'd no, whom he loves. Josef tried to not think of these things, these sad things that made him sad and wither. But still he let them come because he deserved it and everything that happened was his fault. 

His fault for being in the German Army, his fault for even being at this camp. His fault for meeting her, for letting her tear down his carefully constructed walls. His fault for kissing her. 

His fault for loving her. 

Quickly the sun goes down and Josef has almost reached Hannelore's home. 

He's not really staying there. Just a destination, to keep him going. 

Besides, maybe they wouldn't need him. He stays the night in a nearby forest. As he drifts off to sleep, he can't help but think of Zofia again. He pushes her from his mind but then Klara drifts into his mind. 

He can't sleep tonight. Better move on.

Josef walks all night, reaching little Hannelore's home by the next morning. He knocks at the door, half not expecting an answer but soon, there is the sounding of footsteps and Frau Wolfin is at the door. 

" Good morning, Frau, sorry to disturb you but would you need a farmhand at this time of year?", Josef asks, politely. "Ah, I've met you before, remind me again of your name?"

"Josef, madam. "

"Josef, well, did you see the ad in the papers?"

"No madam, I just thought of getting some work, just for a while is good. "

"Well, if you can stay for about a month to help my husband with the harvest. We can't pay you much, but you'll have a room in the barn and meals in the house with us. "

"That is more than I hoped for, thank you Frau Wolfin."

"You can start by bundling the hay over there. "

Josef worked there and the hard work helped. Helped his mind to ease and sleep to come faster. He knew that he couldn't stay there forever. He needs something to do, a permanent destination. 

He couldn't live like this forever. He'd only stay the month allotted, he thought. 

Only one month. But then what? What after that? 

At night, when the sleep wouldn't come, he'd think. But when he thought, he only thought about Zofia. What if, what if Zofia still loved him?

 What if he went to find her, to tell her that even though he wasn't sorry about his past, he was sorry that he concealed it? What if? It was a start.