Wherever We Go

Chapter 8:

 Zofia

It's not up to me to forgive. It's his past and I.... I don't know what to feel or think or say. I'm glad that he came back. I missed him. It's not up to me to forgive. I loved him once. I think I still love him? I don't know. I miss him. I love him. He was in the German Army, they were monsters. But he escaped. He defended me from Rudolf. He... It's not up to me to forgive his past. I can't because its not my authority or power. Besides, he came to find me. He gave me a locket. The locket. What would I consider enough?

Zofia carefully opened the tarnished locket. Silver, now tarnished. Engraved with a design. A perfect circle the size of a small medal. Out spilled a scrap of lace, a lock of hair and a roll of fabric.

"Z is for Zofia, 1945, who fixed one of your shirts and tore the other off you. "

Zofia held in a sob. Tears streaked off her face.

He still loved her.

I told him to go but he came back. He traveled over the seas to find me. He wants me to remember him. I still love him.

She gently put the lace, hair and fabric back and looked up.

Josef.
He'd walk farther down the path.

He must have taken this as a sign of rejection.

I can't let him leave again.

Zofia breaks into a run down the path. She reaches Josef who's still walking, his head down and his steps slow and mechanical.

"Josef.... I missed you." Josef's face resembles something hopeful and I wonder when was the last time he allowed himself to feel hope.

"Zofia. "

I don't care what he says and I throw my arms around his neck again. It takes him a second but he returns the embrace gingerly.

For a second neither of us speak. Then my words come spilling out of my mouth, surprising both him and me.

" Josef I don't know what to say. I loved you once. I hated you once. I missed you. You lied to me. You were in the German Army and they were monsters and inhuman. But you also deserted and you hit Rudolf and you loved me. You broke my heart and, and now you came to find me. "
Josef looks at me with his beautiful eyes that I used to love and maybe still love.

"Zofia. I am sorry for lying to you. I wish that I wasn't that person but it's my past and I have to own it. If you don't want me to stay, tell me and I'll leave. " How much is enough?
Josef starts to move away and I hurriedly grab his forearm. He can't leave again.

" Don't go. Promise me something. "
Josef tilts his head and waits.

"Promise you won't ever leave like that again. "
"I promise. " His voice cracks and he stares at my hand on his arm. Then slowly, I slide my hand down and lace my fingers in his. He lets out a breath and gratefully and gently, he wraps his fingers around mine like he was afraid that I wouldn't. He holds on tightly, like he's holding on to me because I am grounding him to earth. It's like the time we first met.

"Josef, you changed a lot. "
He draws his breath in sharply.

" For the good," I hasten to add. "What made you come find me?"
" I didn't want to face you at first, but I guess that when you told me to go. I didn't want to leave you. But then I really missed you and Klara and Hannelore told me to find you and so I came."

The sentence is raw like he wants to say something but doesn't so this came out.

"Klara and Hannelore?"
"Yes. "

"Now what?"
"I don't know, I didn't think much after this because...." Because he never thought that I would not reject him.

"It's alright. " I sit on the soft forest floor and I pull him down beside me.

" Can I..." Before he can finish his sentence, I wrap my arms around him and his arm's round my shoulders almost protectively.

"How have you spent this time?"
He tells me and I tell him of mine.

Time flows like water and soon the sky is dark and the air is cold and chilly. He helps me up and slowly, his arm around my shoulder, holding me tightly while I learn against him we walk back. 

Am I sure that this is real?

Perhaps I don't exist and this is just a dream. 

Perhaps its on of life's cruel tricks. 

But the fire inside e burns bright and will not be quelled.