Pretending

Chapter 7

When we got caught on private property, we got into police cars and they dropped us off. My mom was mad. Ok, thats a understatement . She was pissed, and she just sent me into my room.
I didn't even know what to do at that point. And usually when I'm bored and had a stressful day, i start to feel sad and depressed. No, there is no trigger it just happens because depression doesnt need a trigger. It just comes when it pleases.
I put my headphones in, and plop on my bed. And usually in my own state of mind, I block out the world. And all there is me & music. And at that moment, all that matters is the lyrics entering my brain. Damn, music can make a person think. I think of everything thats been happening for the past few days and I don't know what to do with Cade. He is sorta getting out of hand. Yes, his kisses are amazing but come on, the last two times i hung out with, he wanted to het in my pants. Ugh such a headache. And with every thought running threw my head, I fell asleep.

-BUUUUZZZZZZZZZ-
I wake up to the annoying sound of my stupid alarm clock. God I hate that sound. I punch the snooze button and begin to fall asleep under my covers. When my annoying brother bangs on my door.
"WAKE UP MIA!"
Ugh, he had to this every morning.
I get up, and throw something on. After doing my makeup job, I go downstairs. My mom doesnt have to work today so I take her car. I head towards the driveway, and i get in the car. I turn the key, and I turn on the radio.

I get to school and literally spent 10 minutes looking for a parking spot. I finally found one and pulled in. I walked to the door, as i got pulled behind a bush.
"Ssshhhh!!!"
"God damn, Camille!"
"Sorry sweet cheeks but I have to tell you something," she bit the inside of her cheek.
"What, what is it?"
"Well, um i didn't want to tell you this but I felt you should know," she paused," cade is having an affair with Sarah Lode."
I stared. I couldnt really say anything because that wasnt what i expected to hear come out of her mouth. I opened my mouth then closed it,
"H-How did you f-find that out?" i finally managed to say.
"Well uh Sarah told me, she sounded pretty confident about the whole thing too."
I really want to cry. I don't even know why I forgave that lying bastard. He has lied to me and I couldnt take it anymore. I got up and ran.

I ended up at my house again, remembering I had to go back to the school to get the car. But i will go later, no one was home which was good, I think my mom went for a jog. She will
be back soon. I ran and cried like a baby. I really should just give my "popular" title up, some people could have seen that! God so childish. Wait, no. That wasnt childish, because sometimes you have to let go of everything you have holding back.
I went to my room, looked myself in the mirror and saw the red puffy eyes and ruined eyeliner & mascara. I think at that moment, everything went crazy in my head. I threw my mirror to the floor, i swiped everything on my desk onto the floor. i screamed and i wanted to keep screaming.
I sunk to my knees and brought my head down, my hands tangled in my hair. Why was i doing all this over a guy? But it wasnt just Cade, it was everything ever since 7th grade. All the breakdowns, all the anxiety attacks, all the tears. It was those painful memories and all the horrible words said to me. Thats why I changed when I got into high school. I couldn't be myself anymore, because everyone was expecting the popular me. It tore me apart and I was more focused on my reputation then what I felt. and it tore me apart.
I got my book out. I sighed and looked at its rough binding, it was the book I wrote all my poems and stories in, but mostly poems. I grabbed a pen from the ground and wrote,
"And sometimes, that girl with the broken smile and fragile heart will soon feel like she cant get back up. Because she is always on the ground picking up her broken pieces not being able to fix herself."

I turned the page and wrote,

"i wish i could take my sadness away, then i would be happy for once and the world wouldnt seem so dark"
I closed the book and slid it back into its hiding spot, i turned around and pulled my knees to my chest. I put my head down in my lap and screamed. Because no matter what I did, i never could get out of this small little
box that trapped me in so close. It was so small it was hard to breath.
I got up and walk around the room. I ruffle my hair back into a ponytail. I rub my eyes. So tired, so very tired. All the time. And I couldn't get enough sleep. Oh not enough, how will I ever get enough sleep. Yes, those very colorful pills. All the pink and blue. Yes, so very pretty. I opened the cabinet and took the bottle out, unscrewed the lid and poured a little more than I needed. But I didn't put one single pill back. They all fit perfectly in my hand. The very pretty colors, oh how they called my name.
One pill.
Two pills.
Five pills.
Then it turned into 10 pills that ha gotten into my mouth. I looked down, and then looked into the mirror. I frowned, and remember something i wrote down once in my book,
" She looked Death in the eye, every single night. And that is why she never looked at herself in the mirror"
It made me think of death, and how all those pills will eventually take everything away. The dizziness started to kick in, i slid my back down the wall to the tiled floor. The floor was smooth and cold. I wanted to put my face to it, I was so hot, i was burning up. Sweat ran down my face. My stomach wanted to throw the pills back up, but i resisted. I covered my mouth feeling nauseous. I was so hot, and so dizzy. The corners of my eyes started going black and fuzzy. I wanted this all to end. I wanted it all to go away, but i cant go now I didn't leave a note. Yes a note, I want to say I love them. Jason, mom, dad, Jamie. I have to write a note. I started to get up, but i fell back down.
i looked up at the ceiling. And it reminded me of the sky, but I will never be able to reach it from way down here. I put my head back down, and the last thing I remembered saying to myself was,
"I'm sorry"

Heyy :) Ok well, here ya go! Sorry it took me so long, I will soon be going back to every chapter and adding pictures. So please look back at those :) The poems Mia wrote in her book were mine :) I have them all on my tumblr @ gunsnroses0 so give me a follow <3