Pretending

Chapter 9

Sorry it took so long for me to update ive been so busy. I saw Kellin Quinn and Vic Fuentes in concert omg <3 - Xoxo Kaylee

I open my eyes, god i have such a big headache. I wanted to go back to sleep. But a man. A man in front of me keeps telling me not to. I want to sleep, I want to close my eyes. He is yelling at me to keep my eyes open. Who is this man? He lifts me up into some vehicle. I hear sirens. I look forward, I see my brothers face. And my mother's, oh god her face. So filled with sadness. Did I do that? Did I do that to her? I look up, someone putting a mask on my face. I dont need this. Please just leave me alone. I want to go home, in my own bed. Everything is so foggy. Everything is spinning. I just want to go to sleep.

***

I am being pulled down a hallway, I have a nurse on both sides of me. I want them to go away. They push me into a room and lay me on a bed. They hook IV's into my arm. They check my eyes, heart, and everything on my body. I want them to stop touching me. I want to go to sleep. I want to be alone. The nurses leave and a docter, I suppose, comes in. He comes in and writes stuff down, and tries to ask me questions. Oh I know, he might be a psychologist. I hate these type of people, they think they can fix everything. I especially want him to go away. He keeps trying to ask me questions. I do not respond because I dont want him to know anything. I want him to go away.

***

I wake up with a headache, justing opening my eyes hurts. I look up at the ceiling, then to my right. I see a moniter and its beeping. It's annoying. I look to my left, and i just stopped breathing for a second. My mom was sitting on a chair, asleep. Her eyes looked heavy underneath. I look next out the door and see my my brother on the phone with someone. He rubs his eyes and leans against the wall. He hangs up and walks in
"Hey Sleepy head," he smiles.
I just nod because i just cant bring myself to speak. He grabs a cup of water and brings it over to me. I take a sip and lay my head back on the my pillow. I look at my brother. He looks tired and... sad. Whats wrong with me, why do i do this to people. He grabs a chair next to me and sits down. He takes my hand.
"Hey big brother," I smile at him
and laugh a little. He starts to cry.
"Hey, hey whats wrong? Don't cry, tell me."
"I...," He chokes on his words with sobs. Then continues, " I didn't know if I would hear your voice again."
I choked on my emotions.
"When I found you in that bathroom, I... um I picked you up and just held you, trying to get you to wake up."
So he was the one who found me in my bathroom, out cold on the floor. He looked at me and i looked at him with such sorry eyes. He got my response and went out of the room. I roll on my back and look at the ceiling. God. I closed my eyes tight and cried silently. Tears streamed down my cheeks, hearing my sobs. I put my hands to my head. Pulling on my IVs I put my hands down. I opened my eyes, I wanted to pull these cords out
of my arms and walk home. I was such a mess. My hair looked horrible in my reflection against the window. My eyes were puffy and red. And i look like i rolled out from under a rock. It just reminded me of how I looked in that bathroom. I closed my eyes not wanting to see anymore. Not wanting to remember. This. This was the hard part. Sitting in the hospital recovery, but i don't think I want to recover.

***

My mom woke up and got me something to eat. She came back in cereal and milk. She told me what happened after Jason found in the bathroom. I was pulled from my bathroom into an ambulance after Jason found me. I had taken 4x's the dose which almost made my liver fail. I would have been dead. Would I have finally been happy? I was out for 3 days. 3 days? Why couldnt I just sleep for 4 days, or 5 or even 6. 3 Days doesnt even seem like enough. I asked for my phone, and I had gotten a text from Cade. My mom left to go find Jason. I was alone in the small room.
Can we talk?
- Cade
I looked around, and I don't think my mom would be back in a few.
Sure, just call me.
-Xoxo Mia
A couple minutes later, my phone buzzed. I hesitated at first but i finally answered.
"Hello?"
It was Cade's voice. Which I didn't want to hear right now.
"Hey..." I responded back.
"Oh god Mia, I heard what happened.
I thought you were dead"
I stopped, I couldnt speak. I had hurt so many people. I only was thinking of myself. And i was selfish. I heard Cade breathing over the phone.
" Cade, I cant do this anymore. Camille told me things and um i believe her but i feel like I shouldnt. So um until I can talk to you face to face, I'm done."
And I hung up. Way to go Mia, you hurt him again which adds another person to your list of people you have hurt in only 3 days.