• 𝐔𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐏𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐬 | 𝑴𝑷𝑯𝑭𝑷𝑪 •

: i :

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Jake

•

ʲᵃᶜᵒᵇ ᵖᵒʳᵗᵐᵃⁿ

Do you ever feel like nothing you do matters? You leave footprints on the beach and tomorrow they're... gone. Like it's just today over again.

They say your teen years are for making friends and having fun.

Which made me feel even worse.

Well, I felt bad for myself mostly. My brother doesn't seem to be doing bad. In fact, he seems to be doing so well.

He's my fraternal twin, and although we still have a few features that make some people believe we're identical, we're completely different. Polar opposites.

Jameson, or Jamie as he prefers to be called, is more "approachable" than I am. People seem to actually like him, unlike me. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother and I don't hold any ill feelings towards him. I just wish I could be more like him.

People would go out of their way just so they could talk to him. People would do things for him just so they could be his "friend". Things that they won't do for anyone else. Things that they won't do for me.

The thing is, Jamie is not stupid. He knows he only gets the attention because they want to use him for popularity. No, he's not that kind of popular kid. He's a closed-off one even with all the attention being thrown at his feet.

He never left me alone in anything. He never let me feel that I'm living in his shadow even though I practically am. I never felt that with him. It's funny though, I'm the one who's living in his shadow even though he's shorter than I am, he's only up to my neck. It's probably the reason why only a few people could tell we're twins and not assume that he's my little brother. He's actually older than me by 15 minutes.

I sometimes really don't understand why would he choose to stick with me when he could have all those other kids wanting to be his "friend"— when he could enjoy having friends and being popular, but, he would always remind me why.

He said that someone actually said in front of him that people are only interested in him because of his "cool looks & vibes" and having him by their side would up their "coolness" and that he should be okay with that because he's already "cool enough". From then on, he despised the attention even more. He said he wanted people to like him for "him". Not because of the way he looks or the way he dresses or because of his "cool vibes". Jamie wants to be liked for the real him, not just the surface area. From then on, he really minimized talking to other people. Sure he's polite enough to entertain them for some time but nothing really happens from it.

But it didn't stop the people from trying.

Okay, maybe I feel bad for Jamie too and maybe he's not doing as well as I thought and maybe I don't entirely wish that I could be more like him. I just wish people would approach me too and not ignore me. And maybe I wish that I could have some noticeable features too as he has.

I'm lanky while he's petite. My eyes are the dullest blue that you could sometimes mistake as gray while his are a vibrant blue. My dark hair looks plain while he has these messy soft curls that actually look great. Our pale skin actually looks good on him while I look like I'm in desperate need of a tan.

Yet, even with those, Jamie never forgot a moment to tell me I'm cooler than him. He always says I'm the more handsome twin. 

He's always like that, lifting me up even though he's struggling himself.

He thinks I don't realize it, but I know he's suffering too. He got this look that I only ever recognized when we were 13. He looks like he has a secret that he really wants to talk about but he can't. At first, I ignored it, because that's Jamie, he's my twin, I know everything about him.

Yet, maybe I don't. 

But whatever it is, I'm not upset that he won't talk about it. Everybody has a right to have their own secret that nobody will know. 

I didn't think I would've known what it is, not until that day. That seemingly normal, sunny day in Florida. I didn't think that something was up, it all seemed so normal. I was sure my life would always be like that.

But that day, everything changed.

~

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