Please Write Back

Chapter 28

I feel like crap right now. Combing my hand through my hair, I sit down at the dining room table, looking through my phone for a bit, mainly through social media. It helps get my mind off of things. I just keep scrolling, and scrolling, and scrolling...

"Jesus Christ," I say, putting my phone down on the table. I'm doing it again, the mindless scrolling through all my social media apps I have on my phone. I take a deep breath and my mind immediately thinks of what had just happened. And then everything just crashes down on me all of the sudden: my sister is gone, Alex is gone, Sarah is gone, I mean, pretty much everyone is. It's scary and crushing at the same time, and it makes me feel like my heart is going to implode. This is almost too much for me to handle right now.

I keep myself together as I walk across the house to the back door. I slide open the door, walking outside, and sit on the stairs. Burying my face in my hands, I resist the urge to audibly cry, and it's difficult. So this is what my life will be like until... whenever. I know I'll get better eventually. Or at least I hope it will get better sometime.

You know, I feel bad for feeling this way. Mainly because there are so many other people out there who deal with far more. And then some people say that your feelings still matter, and then I feel bad for feeling bad. It's a never-ending cycle in my mind.

As I sit on the stair, more thoughts go racing through my mind. Alex was the only person who really kept me from thinking about what's happening here at home. I should've talked to him about it. I mean, the most I've ever talked about with him is that she died. I've never said anything more. And I really should've opened up a bit more, but I guess I was shy or something. Talking about my problems is a bit weird for me, I feel like it's self-centered in some way. Or at least I think others will think I'm self-centered. Overall, it makes me feel embarrassed when I tell my problems to someone else. But, I did feel better around Alex, especially since I technically told him what happened. I forgot about everything that had been going on... Have I just been using him to keep my sanity? I mean I can't believe I never thought of that. And not only that but am I only falling apart now since he's not here? We literally got into an argument over a rumor, a rumor. A rumor that wasn't even true, and now look. If she never fell down those stairs and died, then none of this would have happened. It's all her fault. It's all her fault.

And then, all of a sudden, the screaming thoughts in my head come to complete silence. I lift my head up from my hands, looking at the grass.

I can barely hear myself speak. "I..."

My hands are shaking, and I fold them together to make them stop. I can't believe I thought of that. Obviously, I shouldn't be blaming her for anything, it was an accident. I mean that's what we think, no one else was home at the time--

I'm startled by a rustling noise from the bushes, and I quickly turn my head to the sound.

"Stupid cat," I say, that same kitten from a few days ago jumping onto the back porch. I stare at it as it comes closer, and start to wonder why it's not afraid of me.

"Maybe it's somebody's lost cat," I say softly to myself, wiping my eyes before standing up to go to it.

And that's when it runs away, back into the bushes and out of the yard.

I wish I could just run away that easily, just leaving everything behind me. Because if everyone had the chance to, I think everyone would take it.

                                                               . . .

A week or so passes, and every day is the same, it isn't getting better for me, but it gladly isn't getting worse. I've sort of recovered from that whole disaster, but I try not to think about it that much, it's best that I just focus on schoolwork. That's what my parents want me to do anyway, and now there are no distractions from other people.

I'm really trying to make something out of nothing here.

I open up my locker, and there's a note laying on my books. Looking around me, I pick it up carefully. I open it up, and the only thing it says is just:

It was bound to happen someday.

I stare at the note, at the large lettering and messy handwriting. I don't even know who wrote this, so crumple the paper up and throw it into the trash can. What was that even supposed to mean anyway? Maybe the person who gave it to me put it in the wrong locker. I turn around the corner, just to see Alex walking down the hall with Hunter. I hopelessly stare at them in a way, almost slowing down to a stop.

Hunter told Alex, didn't he? That's what Alex told me that day. Only more of a reason to hate him. Hunter goes into a classroom, and Alex waves goodbye, turning towards me to walk to his class, I'm assuming. I quickly turn around, look at the floor, and walk slowly, just waiting for him to pass me. I can try to speed up, but that looks awkward.

Soon enough, he passes in front of me and I look up. He slows down and turns his head, and I stop dead in my tracks.

He makes direct eye contact with me, and I can't tell his emotion, but it makes me nervous. I can't even tell if he's going to do something to me. But his face just drops, and he starts walking again.

Well, that was... weird to say the least. I keep walking to my class, and right before I turn the corner, I see him give a piece of paper to a girl. I shouldn't be wondering about what it is, should I?

I just walk to class, trying to get this out of my mind.