Where have you been?

I'm thinking of you

'Hi... My name is James Rallison. I have a YouTube channel called Theodd1sout. But you already knew that since you're watching this video on it. I know I usually make animated stories, but this video is gonna be a little different. Don't worry, the next animation is being worked on and should be up soon. The reason I'm making this video first is... It's because I need to get something off my chest. You may remember Adam. He was in a couple of my videos. Well... there's something I need to tell you about him. One day... he didn't come home. He didn't reply to calls and he didn't reply to messages. The cops were called, but they couldn't find any clues. It's been two months since that day. Two months of not knowing whether or not he's okay! Whether or not he's alive. By now... the police has closed it's investigation. They can't find any clues to work with, so they can't do anything. They say they'll reopen the investigation if there are any new leads, but they'll stop actively looking for them... When you look at the numbers, with each passing day, it's less likely that he's still alive, BUT I'M NOT LOSING HOPE! I care about that boy and I'm not giving up on him! I'm terrified every day, worried sick about whether or not he's okay, but I refuse to believe I lost him forever! One day, he'll get back to me, I know it! Until then, I can only keep hoping and praying for his wellbeing. Adam, if you're out there, stay strong. I'm thinking of you.'

'Got it!' Caleb said as he stopped the recording on the camera. A couple tears glistened in his eyes. It was nothing compared to James though. Tears were streaming down his cheeks and his breathing was fast and inconsistent.
'Thanks, Caleb.' James said as he used the sleeves of his hoodie to dry his face.
'No, thank you! You're making this in honor of my brother. So thank you for that.' Caleb said as he gave the camera back to James.
'I just needed it off my chest.' The blonde muttered.
'Ofcourse you do. You love AJ. It's probably really hard for you.'
'But it must be really hard for you too. He's your brother after all. How did your father take it?'
Caleb sighed.
'I... I didn't tell him yet.' He replied.
'Caleb, it's been two months, dude. You can't keep hiding it forever.' James replied as he sat down next to Caleb.
'I know. He's already asking questions. It's just...'
'It's just what?'
'It's weird isn't it. AJ disappears, just barely a week after our father got out of jail. It just seems too coincidental.'
'Do you think your father has something to do with it?'
'I don't know. If I look at how he's acting, he seems ignorant of what's going on and he also stayed sober. He stopped drinking completely. But after everything that happened, I just have this feeling of distrust towards him.'
James put an arm around the boy's shoulder.
'I think no one can blame you for that. But I think you should tell him. Adam is your brother, which also makes him your father's son. Besides, I know for a fact Adam cares a lot about his family, including his father. He'd want him to know.' The blonde said.
'You're right. Him caring so much about dad is why he stayed when I ran away... I should've stayed with him.' Caleb sighed.
'It's in the past, man. Let it go.'
'I can't! I missed over a year of my brothers live. I left right as he needed me most. I just ghosted him. I'm an awful brother. And now I'm not with him again!'
'Hey, none of this is your fault! Neither of us could've done anything! Besides, Adam forgave you for running away. Every time he talked about you, he spoke with so much care. You mean a lot to him, Caleb. If my brother was like that...' James didn't finish his sentence.
'Oh, my god, I'm so sorry James! I keep going on about brothers when your brother...'
'It's okay, Caleb. I guess I'm gonna go home now. I need to edit this video and upload it. I'll see you later.' James muttered as he got back up, walking to the door.
'Hey, James. If you need anything, you know you can call me. AJ wouldn't forgive me if I didn't take care of you in these times.' Caleb said as the blonde opened the door.
'Same for you, Caleb. Adam wouldn't want you to go through this alone either.'

James was sitting at the cliff, his feet dangling over the edge. This was their place. He and Adam would always come here. But now James had to come here alone. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he stared at the beautiful horizon.
'God, I miss you!' James sobbed. 'I miss you so god damn much! Every day, I'm terrified! I don't know if you're okay and it's driving me crazy. The uncertainty is tearing me apart. Is this what you felt like while I was in the hospital when I got stabbed? But that was just a couple hours. This has been two months! I'm so scared. How do I know if you're...'
The blonde took a shaky breath before he continued.
'The others came by today. Maaz, Becca and Jaiden are all worried about you too. Sarah and Dexter as well. They try to look strong, but I know they're absolutely terrified. I think they wanna act strong for me, but I don't want it. They know how god damn much I love you, Adam. They hope it would help to look strong, but it doesn't. We're just all trying to not lose hope. It's been getting hard. Every day the chance that we'll see you again gets smaller, but I don't know how much longer I can live without you. You're my entire world. I wanna stay here, be there for you when you come back, but there's this little voice in the back of my mind that keeps asking "What if he never comes back?" I try to ignore it, but that's been getting harder and harder every day. I'm just so extremely terrified. Please, Adam. Please come back to us. I can't do this without you. I need you.'

James used the sleeve of his hoodie to dry his face. It didn't really help, since tears were still pouring from his eyes. He wasn't wearing just any hoodie. It was a red hoodie with the words "common sense" on it. It was one of Adam's hoodies. James buried his face into the fabric, sniffing the hoodie that still had Adam's scent. It slowly started to fade though after the months.
'I try being there for Caleb.' James continued. 'I figured you wouldn't want me to let him deal with this on his own. I convinced him to tell your dad about you. He hadn't done that yet, apparently. I thought you'd want him to know. It's hard trying to be there for Caleb. You've got an amazing brother, you know that? But it's hard, because I'm hurting just as much. We're all just scared and worried. I can't bare the thought that I might never see you again. I made a video about it. I posted it about an hour ago. I didn't look at the comments or views yet. I made it for you. To let you know that we're trying to keep hope. I also made it for me, to not forget to never lose hope. It's been so hard without you. It certainly doesn't help that the police stopped looking for you. Now no one is searching for you. I wanna go get you back myself, but I don't know how. I can't think of anything I can do and it's driving me nuts. I miss you, Adam. I would give everything to be with you once again.'
The blonde looked at the sky. The sun had set and millions of stars were twinkling in the dark night.
'Do you remember when you first brought me here, Adam? You were high and I was trying to hide you from Sarah. You were acting so stupid, yelling at the animals and being suspicious of donuts. Even though you were clearly out of it, it was still a beautiful moment. Those were simpler times, happier times. Yes, you were still dealing with your dad, but at those moments together, we didn't think about that. We just focused on having a good time. We just focused on us. And when we were done eating, we looked at the beautiful view, until you fell asleep. You looked so peaceful. So adorable. I fell asleep too. We made Dexter worry quite a bit that night.'
James went to lay down on the ground, looking at the city down below, tears glistening in his eyes.
'I wished I could go back to those times. I know it wasn't perfect, and we had plenty of stuff to deal with, but at least we had each other. Now we don't even have that anymore...'
James closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
'Stay strong, Adam. One day we'll be together again. Just know that I'm thinking of you.' He whispered.
'I'm always thinking of you.'