Sleepless Night (Amicus x Reader)

Sleepless Night

Author's Note: I was listening to this while I was writing. If you want, you can listen to! I hope it helps set the mood: https://youtu.be/iMXWe-7MDvc

         You open your eyes. You still haven't slept, even though you've been laying in bed for about two hours, and you don't think you will. Amicus is sleeping peacefully behind you, snoring gently. Though it's usually a hypnotic lullaby, carrying you easily into sleep, it just isn't doing its job. That miserable, poisonous feeling of anxiety mixes with that hollow, empty feeling of depression that you haven't felt since you were first taken to Adastra. Though you know now this is for a very different reason, quite literally the opposite.

         Though the last thing you want to do is to wake up Amicus, staying cooped up in bed with someone else comes in at a close second-to-last. After considering it for a few minutes, with that awful cacophony of emotions still running through your mind, you decide to risk your luck and get out of bed. Making a silent prayer to be as quiet and subtle as possible, you slowly and excruciatingly make your way out of bed, being extra careful with the arms wrapped around you. You hope the fact that his legs weren't around you as well is a sign of good luck.

         Finally out of bed, you maintain that effort at silence as you put on some robes and sandals and make your way to the door to Amicus's room. Cringing at the jarring, loud sound of the door opening, you turn to make sure you didn't disturb him. Nothing. Good. With a small, somber smile, you walk out of the room and down the hallway, though it quickly goes away as you hear that same jarring sound when the door closes.

         "Please don't wake up" you whisper to yourself while you make your way out. The obnoxious sound of your sandals against the marble floors makes the anxiety worsen with each step. Are they marble? Doesn't matter. The chemical composition of the rock you're walking on has no bearing on whether or not you wake him up. All that matters is getting outside. Alone. Just for a moment.

         You finally make it outside, after what feels like an hour of walking down the identical looking halls to the exit. The garden seems like as good a spot as any for some solitude and you make your way to it. It really is a beautiful garden, you think as you sit on the bench. You know Alexios put some real effort into making it look nice, along with the robots that work in the garden. You'll miss this place.

         ...

         You let out a deep sigh now, finally able to comfortably do so now that you're out of the palace and away from any wolves who may not sleep nearly as deeply as Amicus. You wonder how anyone, even an alien, manages to sleep like him.

         Amicus. The more you even think his name, the more that feeling in your chest worsens. Amicus, the alien wolf creature that kidnapped you and basically forced you to become his pet. Amicus, the alien wolf creature that just so happened to be a prince with so much complicated political drama that you can barely remember what it feels like to not have a headache. Amicus, the alien wolf creature who you just can't seem to hate, no matter how much it would benefit you in the long run. Amicus, the alien wolf creature who shared his sexuality, his deepest secret, with you. And you did the same.

         Amicus, the alien wolf creature who stole your heart, which you'll eventually have to leave here, with him.

         Every little thing about him you love, each little quirk, mannerism, physical feature, taking a little bit more of your heart to keep with him.

         Eventually the tears start. You don't even notice when, maybe they've been falling this whole time. But, again, it doesn't matter. You can't keep it in, and you don't want to. You want to be with him always, but the cruel fate dealt to you by the Parents won't allow for it.

         You sit there, crying silently, just in case anyone is around to hear it, even though you know that's not going to happen. But seemingly just as you think that, you hear steps making their way toward you. You choke for a moment, completely caught off guard, and you try to regain your composure. But you can't manage it; your breathing is irregular and you're forced to sniffle every few seconds. You hear the footsteps hesitate for a moment before quickening. You barely manage to hold in your tears when you hear his voice.

         "(Y/n)?" you hear in his comforting voice, but his worry is obvious. You continue looking at the ground, but flinch as his large paw rests on your shoulder as he comes around to your front. He kneels in front of you, moving so both his paws are on your shoulders. "You're crying. Are you okay? What happened?" You try with all your might to keep the tears in, tell him that you're alright. But you just can't. The tears begin to fall again with a vengeance. You cover your eyes with your hands and rest your elbows on your legs. For a second you just sit there, with Amicus watching you cry before he pulls you into a hug. You cry even harder as you hug him back.

         ...

         After you stop crying, he pulls away from the hug and sits next to you, wrapping his arm around you. A sad silence captures the two of you, with your sniffling and still shaky breath being its only disturbance.

         You sit there for a while, knowing Amicus is going to say something soon. You're too close now; you couldn't not know. And that knowledge almost makes him wait even longer to talk, but you manage to stay calm. You feel him shift slightly, moving his head to face you. But you can't look back.

         "(Y/n)? Is this about..." he pauses for a second. "...our future?"

         You nod solemnly.

         He looks back down in front of him, thinking again.

         "It really feels like we got the short end of the stick, huh?"

         You chuckle lightly. "Yeah, just a bit."

         You can just imagine his smile at your response and the mix of happiness and sadness within it. You sit silently for a moment.

         "I know we didn't though. You know why?" You feel him look at you again. It's hard, but you manage to look back. He puts his hands on the sides of your face as he talks again. "Because I got to meet you. And not just that." He smiles genuinely, and it's almost enough to make you cry again. "It's because I got to fall in love with you."

         That, though, was more than enough for the tears to fall again. You lean in to hug him, resting your head against his soft fur as you cry again, this time for a more pleasant reason that dulls the pain of your sadness.

         "I love you too." It was so hard to say through the tears, but you felt like the world would end if you didn't tell him that you felt the same.

         "Were you trying to make me stop crying?" you ask after a moment.

         "I guess I was. Though I didn't exactly do well, did I?" he says, chuckling.

         "Yeah, not really" you say with a smile. You feel the levity of the moment receding as he talks again.

         "I know what we're about to go through is going to be awful. I want to escape it and live a normal life just as much as you do. But realize that we just have to make it through those couple of years. Then we can see each other again. Alright? After it's over, things will be back to the way things are now. Actually, even better. I know it. We just have to endure." He hugs you tighter, and you reciprocate.

         "I know. Just get through it. Then we'll be together again."

Hey, thanks for reading! I really appreciate it, if you did. I really didn't expect to finish this; I thought it was just going to sit as an unfinished fanfic draft in my google docs with all the other unfinished ones lol. I randomly got the motivation to finish this thing, and I'm kinda proud of how it turned out. Of course, though, feel free to leave criticism if you want. It would be very greatly appreciated. Anyway, thanks again for reading, and I hope that I'll find the motivation to write again here!