Onism

Chapter Eight- Was it really worth the pain Fred?

authors note- Hey , i'm changing the paragraph style because it gets confusing if i write in blocks of writing , for some people. Anywayss enjoy! :)) (this chapter was actually pretty sad ngl shit gets deep.)

*Day of the Ball*

"Okay...How do i look?" I walked out nervously , I was wearing my black gown. It was stunning. "Like a Queen." Pansy said smiling. She had a red flowy , silk gown on , It looked perfect with her black hair and pale skin. "Why thank you madame." I said laughing.

"Come on , The boys are waiting." She said winking at me. I laughed. I tried to hide the fact i was nervous with confidence but in all honesty I just didn't want to see Fred. Of course , I still love him but after the whole fight and him calling me a slut , I have tried to avoid him at all costs but i know that tonight...I have no excuse.

Me and Pansy walked down the stairs and I held eye-contact with Theo , he had an all black suit on and holy fuck did he looked gorgeous. Pansy lent down and whispered "I think I'll ignore the sexual tension between you and Mattheo for now but you will tell me later." I blushed a little and tried to compose myself.

After the party , me and Mattheo have gotten closer and everybody keeps teasing us thinking we're 'shagging behind their backs' which we most definitely are not. I wouldn't complain tho.

"May I just say that you look beautiful." Mattheo said taking my hand. I laughed lightly "You don't look too bad yourself." I looked to my left at Draco and for some reason he was glaring at me and Theo.

I smiled at him to try and lighten his mood but he scoffed , rolled his tongue in his cheek and looked away. That's weird. "Theo , what's wrong with Draco he looks annoyed at me?" I asked confused.

"Dunno he's probably in a bad mood, maybe his father again?" I nodded. I know how sensitive Draco gets with his parents. I'll ask him later.

"Shall we?" Mattheo smirked at me. "Yes we shall Mr.Riddle." I'm never saying that again.

"Say that again and I'll make you regret your existance." Fucking hell agressive much. I decided not to say anything as we headed down to the great hall. Pansy was giggling behind us with Adrian , I'm glad she's happy.

Tom and Draco don't have dates whereas Blaise is going with Luna and Lorenzo with a hufflepuff girl. I'm kind of surprised that Tom and Draco don't have dates , they'll probably hook-up with some girls later.

We entered the hall and it was mesmerising, the sky above was clear and you could see the stars perfectly. All the girls looked stunning and the boys looked just as good. There was loud music playing from the front where the Professors normally sit during dinner. There were spread out tables around the outside of the hall , clearing the middle for anybody dancing.

There was a stand to the right full of drinks and I'm guessing the twins had replaced them with firewhisky. I looked around hoping to not find Fred anywhere because I'd rather not talk to him ever again. We all grabbed a cup and headed to the dance floor.

"Oh my fucking god my feet hurt so much." Pansy complain sitting down next to me. "My head is in orbit and i can't even feel my feet." I said tipping my head back and groaning in pain. The boys had gone either , with their dates or some random girls. Mattheo said he went out for fresh air but that was around half an hour ago.

I was rubbing my head when I looked up and saw Fred walking casually towards me. His nose had a cut horizontally across it and his lip was busted. My head hurt too much and i couldn't be bothered to deal with Freds arguments right now. I stood up "I...have to go, i'll be back."

"Ells! It's raining you can't just walk out!" I heard fred call from behind me as i rushed outside.

"Lucky for you i enjoy the rain then." I called over my shoulder. I do love the rain. It calms me and it's a great place to cry.

I walked outside and tried my best to ignore his calls. Each time he said my name my heart was torn into pieces. I whipped around to face him , my hair dripping wet and my mascara pouring down my cheeks.

"Why can't you just leave me alone , Fred. You don't love me! I have let that sink in! I understand now , just leave!" i shouted at him through the rain. My eyelashes catching droplets of water and blurring my vision.

"Of course I love you Ells! Of couse i fucking did-" He called back at me.

I cut him off "No! No you didn't you loved Angelina! I know you did, i saw the way you looked at her. Like she put the stars in the fucking sky and painted the sun. That Fred, That is when i realised you were never really mine to love." I yelled back at him.

My throat clenched and tears fell and my voice started to crack. "Your right...okay? Is that what you wanted to fucking hear. It has always fucking been Angelina!" Fred stepped closer to me.

"And you know why? It's because nobody could ever love you. You impossible to love. I never loved you , how could i?" he was glaring down at me. I felt pathetic. Disgusting.

"I dated you for Angelina. To get Angelina. It will always be Angelina." He sneered at me and walked away.

I was speechless. Out of all the pain I've experienced. This comes in a very close second. The problem was , he was right. I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself but...It's completely true. I'm unlovable, I knew that. So why did i waste my time on faded love.

I walked back inside and bumped into something hard. I muttered sorry and walked past, not thinking to look who it was. "Woah , woah darling , What's wrong?" the person grabbed my wrist and pulled me back.

Mattheo.

I couldn't bring the words to explain the pain of being told you can't be loved. I just shook my head no, i had no control over my body or mind anymore. He looked at me and pulled me to his chest and If matter couldn't get worse , i looked over his shoulder and there, as if nothing happened, was fred making out with Angelina.

I pulled away and walked off , I could hear mattheo running after me , his footsteps echoeing through the empty hall. I made my way to the only place i could think of. The Astronomy Tower, I ran up the steps , lifting up the skirt of my dress so not to trip.

I paced around the room and my pain turned into anger. I kicked things, threw things. Embarassing i know...but i didn't know what else to do. I was so angry not at anybody but myself. If i wasn't so stupid as to fall in love with a person i knew didn't love me...maybe things would be different.

Mattheo came rushing up the steps and stopped me but i refused. "Okay Ells stop..ells come on It's okay."

"Why can't I just not be in constant pain for one fucking second!" i yelled. I hated everybody at that moment. Everything came rushing through my mind at once. First my mothers constant yelling at me , then Umbridge and then Fred. All our memories over the past year, Playing pranks. Staying out untill three in the morning laughing. Hogsmede trips. Dancing in the rain. All gone.

I was so uncontrollably angry Mattheo tried to pull me into a hug my i pushed him with away , accidentally making his back slam against a wall. He looked at me as though he understood. I put my head in my hands and tried my best to not lash out, then Mattheo tried again , he pulled me close to him and for once i cried into his chest.

He slid his back down the wall , with me still in his arms crying. We sat on the floor and he didn't say a word. "I loved him so fucking much Mattheo.."

"I know Ells....i know." I cried for ages , letting go for once. I felt free. I was only sixteen for fuck sake. Already in pain and my life hasn't even started yet. That goes for all of us. None of us had any idea what our futures beheld.

A/N- Pain. Lmao anywaysss that was hella sad. I hope you enjoyed though, I've decided that the two love interests for Ells is going to be Draco and Mattheo for the drama. Love you all <3 :)0