Open minded discussions.

My father

My father is the eldest amongst the fourteen children my grandparents had together. I know it's quite a number they scored, but during their era large number meant family strength. Also they didn't know what population meant!

Being the eldest didn't come easy for my father. He had to take responsibilities sooner than justice would do. He had to help his father feed all those mouths. For that he was sent abroad at the age of maybe sixteen or eighteen to earn money.

My father is a simple and sincere man. Though the hardships of life has made him somewhat distant and difficult person. Who could blame him? I mean look at us! We are still deciding what to do with our lives at such a young age he had to take a huge family's responsibility.

If in this generation someone was given such responsibility they would have cursed their parents for giving them birth in the first place. Believe me I have seen those kind of people.

Well no one can go against the will of God. So there my father was struggling to keep his family safe and well fed.

But he wasn't unhappy, because he loved his family truly and wholeheartedly. He helped his father in bringing up his four brothers (one of them passed away at an early age) and eight sisters.

Later two of my uncles helped support the family. But there was a rift between them. It so happens that later in life when my father was in financial crisis my uncle barely helped my dad. Imagine doing that. The elder brother who brought them up. Sacrificed his own well being so that they were comfortable. Not to forget it was my father's business that he had given responsibility to my uncle and he grabbed hold of everything!

All in all my father has seen the most toughest hardship.

He married my mother at the age of 25. I was born nine years later after their marriage. My father was noble and loyal enough not to remarry despite all the family pressure and pushings he had. But he never ignored them either. He is the typical family boy so yeah sometimes he made my mom go through hell. But still he loved her in his own way.

As I was born after such a long period I was cared for alot, so I was told.

I didn't have any other sibling to divide my parents attention for another seven years. Because after that my brother and a year later my younger sister was born.

So thats it. This is my family.

My relationship with my father is...somewhat distance. Don't get me wrong. I love my father even though he never told me so, never acted like that...but still I loved him more than anything. I'd do anything to make him happy. And that I did.

But still we lacked the open affection a father-daughter have. He pushed me far and I pulled myself more in.

But still I love him.

He is not a bad person but perhaps life struggles has made him hard.

Sometimes his attitude towards me used to make me wander whether I was his own flesh and blood but still he is the most generous person I have ever known.

I know I wasn't the easiest person to handle. I wasn't easy to raise, hell no child is. I know I made life harder for him when I did not go according to his wishes. Maybe I had even hurt him. For everything I am very sorry to make you go through all the difficulties. Even though I suffered the most after I complied with your wishes.

So dad yes you were not there for me when I needed you. You made it difficult for me to open up. You caged me in my own prison. Maybe you didn't know what I went through when you didn't speak with me for a year! Maybe you didn't know I cried myself to sleep for my whole pathetic excuse of a life...maybe...maybe...

But I would still say I love you dad. The most. I still feel the string in my heart pull painfully when I see you in pain as if my own son is hurt. I treasure you the most, even if I will never be able to prove you that anymore then I did before. Never able to show you. Maybe one we can unite and let each other know our love and bond as all father daughter does. Till then I pray to Allah for your wellness and acquiring your love.